What to do when an aperger does not accept the diagnosis.

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I am a doctor but my specialty is radiology. After two separations from my wife and undergoing a depression treatment I ended up making the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome in her. Despite having commented to her that it was one of the misunderstandings in our relationship she does not believe and thinks I'm talking about it because of my depression whenever I talk to her about it. Now that we understand each other I do not know if I leave aside the diagnosis and take life as we always carry in happy moments ...
some advice?

Why should she accept an AS diagnosis from a radiologist? Asperger's Syndrome is outside your field of expertise.

Starkid, I talked to her as a husband not as a radiologist. I asked her to look for a psychiatrist because I thought it would be good for her to get an official diagnosis, but she told me that I'm thinking that way because I'm depressed. She is 37 yars. When we met 10 years ago she told me that she had never had a boyfriend but over the years I discovered that she had been sexually abused by the college professor in exchange for a scholarship.

I realize that English is your second language.

But you said "she does not accept the diagnosis" when obviously there is no real, official, "diagnosis" to "accept".

You are just making your own amateur suggestion that she may have it, and should get it looked into by a specialist in the field. Which is fine. And she may indeed have aspergers, and may indeed benefit from a diagnosis.

What you're really asking is "should I keep on making an issue out of her not getting an official diagnosis, or should I leave it alone to get along with her?".

That's a good question. But you would have to tell us more for us to give you a good answer. Actually maybe both of you oughta go to a marriage counselor first, and put that issue on - what sounds like- the already long list issues the two of you have.

I am biased towards encouraging folks to get diagnosed, because it was a good experience for me to get diagnosed.
But some folks resist looking in to it for some reason.

Please remember: Nobody is an "Asperger" in English.

A person with cancer is never a "cancer."

We are people.

I know you meant no harm, though.

maybe it's that as her husband, she doesn't want you to diagnose her with anything.
maybe it's that as a radiologist, she doesn't want you to diagnose her with anything outside of your specialty.
maybe it's that she doesn't want the diagnosis.
maybe she will seek a diagnosis from a doctor with no personal relation to her if she does want to be diagnosed.
did you even talk to her about it before telling her?

This is what we Aspergians do....see the logic in everything, and not see the emotional aspects of things.

It's not "bad" to want to diagnose your significant other. You mean no harm in this----but your significant other might feel like your diagnosis is not "objective" enough, or maybe that she just wants to hear it from somebody with a professional knowledge of it, or maybe she, in her heart, doesn't believe the diagnosis, or she merely doesn't want to "hear it," and wants to be in "denial."

It would be hard for me to "back off," truly. I've made that mistake many times.

But the best thing to do, most likely, is to "back off."

Is it better to be happy or right?

Thanks for the advice that was very helpful at a time when I am recovering from a depression.
I suffered because I was a few months away from her and I really just want her to be happy next to me as I am by her side.
I recently discovered the forum and hope to collaborate with my 10-year relationship experience.

Sorry for the errors in writing, really English is not my first or second language.

Are you living together now?

I wonder if she feels you are trying to blame her for the problems in your relationship. Just a thought. Maybe the best thing you can do is try and learn as much as possible about ASD. If you want to live with her, and if she does have ASD, understanding the challenges that brings to her and your lives will help you. There are many books on the subject and coming here will give you a lot of insight. Nobody wants to be forced into accepting a label. Respecting that is a good place to start, showing you respect her as a person rather than see her as a diagnosis.

There is a blog called The care and feeding of your Aspie which is a good read.

http://www.savagelightstudios.com/warpedlens/?p=125

I also understand that naming us is difficult. In English we refer to diabetics and schizophrenics. I dislike both of those because it diminishes the person to the point where the label is all people see, but I do understand why you had difficulty and we do at times call ourselves Aspergians and Aspies which adds to the confusion!
Please know that you are very welcome here