Claradoon wrote:
Over a lifetime, I've moderated my stims toward the socially acceptable, or the least oddball possible. That was necessary at the time but now I'm retired and I'm trying to get my stims back because life is so much better that way.
Flapping hands and fingers morphed into keeping time with imaginary music. The one thing that seriously handicapped me was refusing to wave my hand in front of my face when trying to think. Now I do as much of that as I like.
Could you tell me more about the "face" part of it? It sounds similar to what I did as a child/still do sometimes, but like you, I moderated it into more socially acceptable behavior. Mine wasn't what I would call flapping, but rather moving my fingers quickly - it's hard to describe - on my nose and just in general. I've never seen anyone else do it and it's been hard for me to deal with because it seems so strange. It's not the typical stimming I see in autistic children. As most people mention, it happens when I am thinking a lot/mentally excited. I could never articulate it - my mom is so disturbed by it, but doesn't seem to get that on the list of things that bother me, it ranks really low. I've controlled it as much as I can - she seems to think I must be totally unaware when I do it like I'm having some sort of episode, and I can't explain that I usually realize I'm doing it, but if I'm not around people, I just don't care. It's just like a tic or nervous habit. I never do it around her, but a few times she did catch me and she notices even when I try to hide it.
I also relate to the jumping/running around the room someone mentioned earlier when alone.