How much socializing is enough?

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Hi everybody!

Today I checked out a book called "Asperger's Syndrome in Adolescence" at the library and I was reading the chapter on friendship. In the beginning of the chapter, they give several anecdotes on kids with an ASD who had "bad friendship skills". I consider myself to have friends, but one anecdote described a boy named Jack who said he had friends. Apparently, these weren't "real" friends because he didn't call any of them on the phone and nobody ever invited him over. This is kind of annoying because none of my friends ever invite me over either, and I can't stand talking on the phone so I never call them. I do text them sometimes, and I sit with them at lunch and on the bus. I guess I'm kind of annoyed at this chapter because according to it, I don't have any friends .

Can anyone relate? Should I force myself to "get out more" or is school enough?

I feel these kids are, at least, your "acquaintances." You guys get along well...so that's good.

Do you have a friend whom you can confide your secrets to? Do you have a desire for such a friend?

I don't know how many secrets I have, other than the fact I have OCD and ASD, and I don't really share that with anybody in person except my parents . I definitely have a desire for a friend, though, and I feel like I found at least one person who I get along well with. I also have a teacher whom I consider to be my "friend" because he understands my behaviors and enjoys my company . I'm quite happy with my social life, but according to many people, it's not enough (even though I see these people everyday at school).

The answer seems easy to me. Do you have as many friends as you want? Are you content? If so, you socialize enough. I can't manage, nor do I want lots of friends. Usually I end up with only one good friend at a time. I do what works for me and I am content. Do what works for you. Who is the author to tell you what works for you. Happiness is subjective.

Thanks for making things a bit clearer. I am happy with the amount of friends I have now. I just don't want people to view me as socially withdrawn because I don't invite outside contact and neither do my friends. Thanks again

If you hang out with kids at lunch, and socialize with them successfully, I don't see how anybody could consider you "socially withdrawn."

I wasn't really "socially withdrawn" as a kid. Kids just didn't like me too much because I took everything too seriously, and wasn't keen on being teased, even if it was just an affectionate joke on the kids' part. I had to learn how to tell friendly teasing from vicious teasing; that took a long time.

I had one "best friend" until about age 11. Then I had a friend who was an Orthodox Jew and was a girl. Then, by age 13, I had no friends at all. I was an outcast. I would get lonely---but not lonely enough to try to make an effort to make friends. I wanted things on my own terms; I also had a pretty good fantasy life pretending I was an Australopithecus or a Neanderthal Man.

I hung out with one kid at lunch last year, and I sat with another kid on the bus, and I'm hoping we share the same lunch time/bus this year as well.

When I was in elementary school, my only friends were both boys, and I was perfectly happy with that . I'm sorry you were lonely as a child. I understand the feeling of not being liked. I hope you had fun pretending to be Neanderthal Man, though- when I had no friends for a while in 4th grade, I would play board games with my Cabbage Patch Kids .

I used to have great fun "spearing" the canned foods in the supermarket when I pretended I was Neanderthal Man

LOL That's great. Who needs social skills anyway when you have canned goods and Cabbage Patch Kids?

There was actually "Cabbage Patch Kid" mania in about 1985. People used to get in line the night before the store opened in order to get them. Fights used to break out. It got ridiculous.

We, in New York City, call getting in line "getting on line."

Different people have different ways of interacting. Any form of significant, deep positive interaction is friendship. Going out isn't every group of friends's cup of tea; sometimes they just like to meet where they originally met. That book sounds like it's full of s**t and based on some stereitypes certain parts of society has.

I heard about that Cabbage Patch Kid craze. My aunt wanted one for Christmas and my grandparents had to fight their way through the mob of people to get one .

That's interesting; "getting on line". It sounds like "getting online".

Thanks for clearing that up. I have friends, no matter what some book says

The right amount of socializing should be the amount of socializing each individual wants to do. It shouldn't be the amount of socializing that an expert, parent, therapist or teacher thinks a person on the spectrum should do. To the OP, I think you should do what's right for you.

Thanks CockneyRebel!

I feel like I get the right amount of socializing, but some people like my psychologist think I should get more to improve my social skills. Thank you for your reply!

Usually: Whatever works for you, whatever feels good for you.

Looking back, these kinds of doubts usually arise when you are not content with the situation. To me it sounds like you are looking for "real" friends that will invite you home and things like that.

Sounds like this really bothers you..so yes, you should try to change something about that.


You don't have to. You can write the old-fashioned email or text them to ask them out.

Edit: Becomes less clear reading your other posts...still I have the feeling that it's not just about what your psychologist says. But I might be wrong