What is it like to be an autistic girl?

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Hallo, I wonder sometimes what it is like for girls/women with autism/aspergers, what their lives are like for them, and how their autism affects their lives. What is it like for you girls/women with autism?

Thanks!

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on August 18, 2017)

I would say, in many cases, it's similar to what autistic boys experience.

But there are differences----such a "greater" ability to "mask," and the (societally-derived) ability to be socially adept, amongst other things--which leads to under-diagnosis in females. This can raise the frustration level for autistic women to high levels.

I'd say it's probably about the same for me as it is for an autistic male. I lack the ability to mask or mimic that people say many autistic females have, and I'm certainly no better at socializing. I haven't had any friends since elementary school (and even then it was only two), and my interests have never really been socially acceptable. I think my autism presents itself in a more "masculine" way, even though I'm female. If you'd like to know anything else in particular, just ask I'm never really sure how to answer general questions like what my life is like.

Oh, yes, and I hear that many autistic females are misdiagnosed or not diagnosed until later in life. That wasn't the case for me. I was diagnosed when I was in fourth grade.

This part of something I wrote some time ago and I have been quite ruthless in editing it, I don't know if this helps or not, it's very basic, I hope I did not remove too much of it.

Social communication, social interaction & gender differences

A Polish study found that high-functioning females with autism demonstrated greater determination to learn social norms and nuances of communication, both verbal and non-verbal than high-functioning males with autism and adds weight to the view that autistic females mask behaviour (Rynkiewicz et al. 2016). Hiller, Young and Weber (2014) argue that females exhibit better expressive behaviours and are more proficient at reciprocal conversation, better at sharing interests, integrating verbal/nonverbal behaviour, imagination and adjusting behaviour by situation despite similar social understanding difficulties as boys and men. Lutchmaya, Baron-Cohen and Raggat (2002) report that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys and that children with autism are even slower than neurotypical males to develop vocabulary. Baron-Cohen and Hammer (1997) assert that girl’s speech is more cooperative, reciprocal and collaborative, while Hiller, Young and Weber (2014) argue that females have different manifestations of friendship problems than boys, better initiation skills but have problems in maintaining them and have a tendency to be overlooked rather than rejected by peers, often adopting just one or two special friends which in turn adds to the masking effect.

Social imagination, autism and gender differences

Studies show that girls on the autistic spectrum engage better in what is perceived as imaginative play than boys do. Knickmeyer et al. (2008) argue that females with autism display greater imaginative play skills than autistic boys, although the children with autism were less likely to choose games involving pretense when compared to children of the predominate neurotypical type. Kopp and Gillberg (1992) argue that autistic girls often engage in social activities which have been learnt, which are accepted socially as the norm for girls and as a result may mask a presentation of autism; special interests in horses, dolls and pop stars as examples. Knickmeyer et al. (2008) state that females on the autistic spectrum are more likely to play or choose to play female typical games requiring pretense while males did not show a preference for any pretense items. Males showed preference for male-typical play, while females did not show preference for either male or female typical play and there is some evidence however to suggest that females with autism are likely to have been considered a ‘tomboy’ at some stage in their development (Ingudomnukul et al. 2007). Gould and Ashton (2010) assert that the intense special interests which are often found in girls with autism tend to be more closely aligned with mainstream activities and behaviours than in the corresponding interests of boys and that girls have less restricted, repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behaviour.

Kopp and Gillberg (1992) and Van Wijngaarden-Cremers et al. (2013) argue that there is evidence to suggest that females with autism may not present with the same behavioral pattern of visual self-stimulation via extreme preoccupation with particular interests or objects as boys do. Gould and Ashton (2010) assert that girls are more likely to mirror social actions through observation and that they may be quicker to apologize and to appease should they make an error socially, increasing the likelihood of their anomalous behaviour being overlooked. Frith (2008) further hypothesises in the third of her “big ideas” of the concept of mirroring, that our brain automatically prepares to mirror the actions of others in preparation of repeating the act ourselves. Frith (2008) argues that it is possible that in children and adults with autism the internal mirror may be broken and that this may account for dysfunction in executive functioning and the perceived lack of empathy in autism and that emotional responses are also part of the internal mirroring process.

That gender bias doesn't apply to me or my daughters.

It is not biased, it's the exact opposite, it's part of the argument that there needs to be a separate diagnosis for girls, that girls do not present the same as boys do, which they don't. The masking effect is well-researched and well documented (There were 6 pages of references for the whole piece) The bias is towards boys in current assessment criteria, it's the reason so many girls are missed and do not receive the diagnosis, not the services and adjustment which is due to them. No one description of autism fits everyone regardless of gender or even culture. Perhaps I should have posted the whole thing which was part of my masters (I got a distinction) The title was: Does current autism theory meet the diagnostic criteria for females on the autistic spectrum. The answer is, of course, no, it doesn't. Tony Attwood has done much to begin to address this. When I got my diagnosis the clinic which did my assessment I noticed has a separate assessment for girls. The UK is a leader in this area of assessment with North America in a close second I believe although the Netherlands are in at the cutting-edge too.

It's mostly the same as being an autistic guy except you're a girl.

For me, being in a field with mostly men (studying computer science, i.e. a field that is male-dominated and crowded with aspies or people with autistic traits) it was relatively easy to find a partner and to make friends. As a nerdy (and extroverted, in my case) girl I got lots of attention (like most other girls in my department).

On the other hand, I cannot identify with most of the things Voxish cited:
-I'm quite good at maintaining friends. Ok, some people moved away years ago and we lost contact a bit, but I guess that's normal? I have had most of my other friends for over 8 years. Also, I have more than 2 or 3 friends.
-I was never overlooked by peers, I was rather rejected (at school or at my last job e.g.). I'm not someone that could be overlooked easily, since I talk a lot and in a rather loud voice and I'm very extroverted. I complain about stuff in a sarcastic matter, I talk about inappropriate things (sometimes also a bit on purpose just to provoke people e.g. talk about atheism or illegal drugs), I cry in public, I'm way too nervous, I annoy people etc.
-I'm not good at masking anything. I'm unable to lie most of the time, and I'm sure nobody ever thinks I'm normal, not even for 5 minutes
-I was diagnosed at a young age, because nobody could have missed that I was weird.

For me, it's about the same as being an autistic boy. I never learned how to "mask" or hide my social difficulties, so I just flounder in social situations. I am, however, able to make friends (though not necessarily keep them ). I do have some special interests typical of other people my age (like AGT and Stampy Cat), but my interests are much more intense. I wasn't diagnosed at a young age (my autism was only recognized as autism about 1.5 years ago (along with my OCD shortly after), but I had shown symptoms all my life. Like some other autistic people, I was hyperlexic and had motor/social delays. If my parents had known more about autism, I think they would have noticed something was up, but I was the first kid they ever had and my dad is most likely autistic as well, so he may have just thought some behaviors I had were "normal." I don't think things would have been much different if I was a boy, but I may have been diagnosed earlier since "girls don't have autism."

I would say you were diagnosed quite early since you're now only 13

Stampy, how were the 2 birthday parties you were invited to? Or are they yet to come?

True! I wasn't diagnosed as a young child, but I was as an older child, so I guess that's pretty early . I sometimes "forget" my age on this forum as I feel more like an 85 year old than a 13 year old sometimes! I always feel older or younger than my chronological age .

One of the parties is tomorrow! I'm quite excited . I'm also excited for school as that is starting back up again very soon!

Sounds great Have fun!

Thank you! How was your day/night?

A bit better than the weeks before, because my last job interview went well and they offered me the job and they really want me But still a bit stressed. And I should go to bed now, omg Maybe half an episode of Star Trek before I finally sleep in.

Well, we definitely get overlooked, as the stereotype is that all those on the spectrum are male. I mean, pretty much all fictional characters on the spectrum are male. I feel that, since my social deficits aren't the most obvious symptom of my Asperger's and I don't fit the stereotype, a lot of people who don't know me well wouldn't believe that I'm on the spectrum if I happened to tell them. I don't fit what the media has shown them ASDs look like. In some ways, it's nice to be able to pass as "quirky but normal", but it also makes people underestimate the disabilities that I DO have. So, there are both pros and cons to being a female on the spectrum.

Good night! I'm so glad they offered you the job! It's good how they really want you . Sorry you're stressed, though. I hope you can feel better soon!