Need recommendations of a book for a clueless parent

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Ok, so... where to start. I'm new to these forums, and can't seem to make the search do what I want it to do for me, so... Meh.

I'm currently trying to find a psychologist who I can work with to see about getting an Asperger's/AS diagnosis (I'm not putting the D there, words have power and that word's been bugging the hell out of me ever since I started on this particular journey). I've got a few good leads, but I'm also trying, in the meantime, to get all my idiomatic ducks lined up in a row so that I can make sure that everything necessary is accounted for. Family members on board to provide accounts of what I was like as a kid, paperwork submitted to get ahold of my childhood therapist's notes, and so on.

This is all fine and good, except where it comes to my father. He's on board, but he has no clue what any of this actually means; his response to my bringing it up was, "But you were reading by the time you were 3 years old!" Which... kind of indicates the Asperger's variety of autism, but also I think he's maybe not actually aware of what being on the spectrum means. He's not the only person who told me something similar (my primary doctor, when I asked him for recommendations of where to look for pursuing a diagnosis, told me I communicate very well for that, which... again, I'm pretty sure I'm an Aspie?), but it just tells me that the best bet may be to get a book to shove toward him and say "read this."

So... I guess the question I most have is, like... I've found a lot of books that are targeted toward the adult undiagnosed or late-diagnosed Aspie and how to navigate the journey and come out the other side in one piece, and on general techniques for interacting with the NT world. I've found a lot of books for NT parents and friends of AS children. I'm finding it very difficult to find NT-targeted books that are about what it means to be an AS *adult* and how to support us.

Does anyone have any recommendations for books they know to be "good" for this particular purpose?

The Tony Attwood videos on Youtube can be helpful.

Here are a couple of free pdf booklets that may help as well

Aspergers - An intentional life
http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... e_2017.pdf

Asperger Parenting
http://christianpioneer.com/blogarchiev ... g%20v2.pdf

I am autistic, very late diagnosed.
I have an NT spouse, and I gave him the book "I think I might be autistic" by Cynthia Kim. It explains about autism in a general way and also talks about how women differ from men in the way their autism "looks" to others. There is a self test in the book, and we took the test on separate pieces of paper. Our scores were very different and he was able to see the ways I struggle, compared to his own experiences. It helped him understand autism in general and me in particular.

He is willing to help me when I explain to him what I need, So I don't think he needed anything else. His good will and willingness to support me now he knows and understands are enough to go forward on.

I think some people feel as if they have to teach others all about their autism because it is such a new and interesting thing to them (the newly diagnosed person). ( I did, at first!)
I think most other people don't find it nearly as interesting as we do! It is OK and probably very normal for him to not be as interested as you are.
It is your autism, it affects you most of all, and it is good to find self accommodation whenever possible. Knowing you are autistic and knowing the specific ways your neurology affects you will be very helpful going forward.
It was simply a relief to me to find out that it was my neurology and not that I was a bad person, and that all my past painful struggles were not simply "all my fault".
Knowing why was a huge turning point for me.
Best wishes, take your time and practice loads of self care as you explore all the way autism has affected you with nobody understanding "why".

Hi!

I was diagnosed in 2019 shortly before my 65^th birthday as ASD-1 ^{per DSM-5, Aspergers elsewhere}.

And, based upon my experience, you might be getting ahead of yourself. Whoever does the assessment will want information about you and might want to, directly or indirectly, ask questions to some of your family. For purposes of the assessment, only the assessor needs to know anything about autism/Aspergers! If you get a diagnosis some of your family might be curious about it but with or without the diagnosis you will be the same person they already know.

For my assessment I did provide copies of as many possibly-helpful records as I could. (I don't know that the psychologist was interested in all of them.) I took copies of: my Autism Spectrum Quotient test response and scores, results from personality tests I had previously taken, all my report cards and college transcripts, scores from standardized school tests and college admission tests, a resume, and a journal my Mom made for my first year of life. And I took my bride.


How my family members contributed to my assessment:

-- My Mom helped. She kept a journal of the first year of my life. She died in 1986 but my bride and the older of my sisters conspired to retain that journal. The psychologist found the journal interesting.

-- My Dad and the younger of my sisters helped. That sister lives near my still-living Dad and works as a nanny for special needs children. Sometime in 2018 she visited Dad and happened to take one of those special needs children with her. I later learned that several times Dad observed that the kid was doing the same "weird" things I used to do. This is the hint that caused me to look into Autism! (The kid was doing these things in 2018, I was doing them back around 1960. I must have made quite an impression on Dad!)

-- After getting that hint my bride and I both researched autism on the Internet. This was not to do an assessment but rather to figure out if I should get an assessment. When I arranged an assessment my bride accompanied to two of the three appointments, but to answer questions about me.

-- The assessor gave my bride and me some questions to ask Dad. We did so (via telephone). Even though we were asking Dad questions about what one of his four kids had been doing sixty years ago, we managed to get a little useful information for the assessment.

I have been in a similar situation as you before. I had my parents read stories about adults with ASD called Knowing Why: Adult-Diagnosed Autistic people on Life and Autism. The stories all provide insight on why the writers' sought Autism diagnosis and their experience. My father read it first and he really found it helpful as there were experiences and characteristics described in the book he saw in me. It helped him put the whole picture between me, what my struggles are, and what the diagnosis can do for me.

My 90-year old Dad has shown no interest since I told the family I was on the Spectrum. During the Eisenhower administration my parents concluded I did weird stuff; Dad recently told me they decided I wasn't being bad, I was just being myself, so they decided not to punish me. I've worked out OK so I'm pretty sure Dad is now OK with me being "different".

Of course, I can understand why my Dad isn't too interested. I'm on the part of the spectrum that was first introduced in the U.S. in 1994 by DSM-IV as Asperger's Syndrome. So, "different" was the only available diagnosis for me until Dad was 64. There are a lot of newfangled things he's not interested in (computers come to mind).

I suspect the rest of the family might consider my 2019 diagnosis is just interesting trivia--they've known me a long time and already knew I was "different". The only overt show of interest was my brother asked what medical implications my diagnosis might have for them.

It is possible you too might find your family is not as interested in your assessment as you are. They already know you; they already know what you are like; they already have their opinions of you. And if you are out living on your own, not much action is required on their part.

Tony Atwood has some good books. Neurotribes is also a good book.