So I did it again; alienated people I was trying to make friends with. I rarely want to try and when I do it doesn't go well. Right now I'm feeling like it's just not worth trying anymore. Rather than simply distancing themselves like most, I was point blank told "your a nice guy but your socially inappropriate and weird". Those exact words. Even though they know I mean well, it's not enough. I went to write in Evernote to capture my thoughts to help me organise them and think about them and found some old poetry reminding me I've been to this place many times before. I wrote them in the past but they continue to capture how I feel. Anyone relate?
trapped by an ideal
kindness
others hearts the bars
steel
forever
the only reprieve, windows of what might have been
surrounded by humanity
unheard and unseen
insanity encroaches
desperate isolation
too long, too late, the end approaches
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waves of fate, reefs of emotion co-mingle
unstoppable
shearing, crushing, shredding
transforming
father of death, mother of life
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doubt, hate, despair
manacles, pulling
deeper, deeper
truth, shimmering
darker, darker
the void
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People suck