It's Ok Not To Fit

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When people invite you to events just out of obligation (church people), it's ok to politely decline if your idea of fun does not include being ignored. Just simply say you're not into major social functions...and half jokingly say, "I won't be missed anyway." Smile as you say it. You're being polite but you are delivering a clear message that you are aware of their mere tolerance of you. I've done this a few times. Now I'm not pestered with empty invites....

I've tried that----and it doesn't work for me. It has backfired a few times.

I'm glad it's worked for you.

I've learned not to place much confidence in people for many things.

But there's Beauty out there, which can be delightful in lieu of people.

I just tell them straight up that these kinds of social engagements overwhelm me and I will not be attending.

To me you just have to find who you fit in with. Even though I am a guy I get along with girls my age much better. I met my two best friends in two dfferent places. I have known one since the fourth grade and this year we are now best friends. I met the other in a mental hospital. She is struggling with an Eating Disorder and some type of personality disorder. The three of us hung out yesterday. We went to a sandwich shop. We all three went bowling afterwards. The one I met two in the hospital and I went for a little stroll to a park afterwords. I find clubs are a great place. I met a bunch of nice people in two fishkeeping clubs.

I used to like bowling. I was in a league when I was 12. I sucked, though LOL

What's a fishkeeping club?

It works wonders for me to say what I say.

If it's a new group than I use Skibums approach. These other people I know and have had less than stellar times with them. Being ignored is no fun.

If you are a minor and about to begin college, remember that popularity is not "a thing" in college.

You will be an adult in college. Not being able to fit in during your college years will not be problematic and many opportunities to fit in will come your way.

College is not exempt from cliques and popularity contests. I never fit in in college. My classes at the regional campus were made of people with significant others and/or children. I have never been in a relationship and don't have kids. I was also the only one who took the bus to class. I had a class at the main campus, but most of those people lived in dorms or apartments on or near the campus. I live with my parents. I tried to connect with my classmates, but they didn't have much interest in me. They could tell that I was of low social ranking and that I was different.

I think it's a good idea to tell them why you don't want to go to the social event. It will help the person understand why you don't want to go.

I don't bother going where I'm not wanted. I would rather stay home with my cats than be ignored at church events. At least my cats are happy to see me.

Agreed, cats are always happy to see the human! ^_^

You're right about that.....cliques etc exist everywhere.

Don't you just love the spoiled rich kids in college?

A club where aquarium enthusiasts get together. In one club we get dinner together afterwords.

very cool!!

Cool! May I PM to ask some some fishkeeping questions?

Back on topic, my difficulty is that I cannot sufficiently understand intentions to know whether someone is inviting me out of obligation or because they want me to be there. I guess I always think if they're inviting me, they must want me there. I kind of jump at the opportunity, hoping that it will help me become more a part of the group. With the good people it sometimes works, but it has also gone the other way when I then feel more rejected afterward.