REG: Nonverbal Ways

Post Reply New Topic

Hi Everyone:

It's time for a little bit of self-disclosure on my side. I know I'm probably going to get major flamage for this so let me get on my asbestos dress pants. As mentioned in my welcome thread I am transgender (male to female) and have autism. I am 26 years and for most of my life, I have been completely verbal not requiring the assistance of any system or device to communicate. I've been through the ringer when it comes to traumatic events and familial dysfunction but that is a far, far stretch from this topic since I don't know if they're linked.

So on to the point:

in 2014 I had temporarily lost my voice for all of about 2 weeks. During this time, I thought I was completely hosed for doing my call center job but our CEO (who has been nonverbal since birth and the doctors have never given her a reason why) came to the rescue with an iPad and the DynaVox compass app, within 2 days I was back on the phones. During that 14-day nonverbal binge I found it more comfortable to be in such a state. Also in 2014 additional traumatic events happened including me being physically assaulted by staff and drugged in a mental hospital for being nonverbal (they coded it as "noncompliance" and "an immanent danger to the patient or others" thus in their eyes requiring me to be restrained and drugged when all I was doing was typing on an iPad) 2014 also included some very graphic events that I cannot mention here due to many bad memories associated (if you think the hospital was bad, this is the worst thing a woman can go through).

I have been off and on as nonverbal since 2014 until earlier this year when my now fiancee reconnected with me and said she didn't care if I only communicated with her by typing. about 4 months ago my hormone specialist doctor (Dr. Rao) got a demo of how I prefer to communicate along with a justification that "if I let the computer talk for me I can have any voice I want thus a voice that matches my gender identity in addition to severe physical pain from speaking (if eaven for short periods of time as little as 2-5 minutes on a very bad day)". Dr. Rao subsequently agreed with my logic and said that if I prefer to be nonverbal during my meetings with her, I can communicate in "whatever way is most comfortable for me". This interaction with Dr. Rao is what started the ball rolling towards permanent and elective migration towards nonverbal interactions for all. Work had been accepting of it since day one, family not so much, but Dr. Rao was the "ah ha" moment everyone needed to get on board. Now my mother, sister and her husband, aunt, grandmother, great aunt, uncle and aunt, and partially my stepmom understand and accept the choice I have made. Post Dr. Rao statement, even most of my doctors are more welcoming of the idea of migration to nonverbal interaction. There are still others who refuse to be migrated including a friend of about 7 years who classes my autism diagnosis as me being a "faker" (if I'm just barely coming to grips with it now, how would you expect to have been informed during the self-disclosure and identification meeting... it doesn't make sense) and another friend who refuses to be migrated until there is a medical need for it (e.g. severely damaged vocal cords), and my dad refuses migration.

From my point of view, I think of things like my call center systems at my job: there are those customers who have been migrated to the newer, better system; then there are the customers who are still clinging onto their old legacy accounts and refusing to acknowledge the upgraded features in the new system and they're not going to let go of the old system until it physically dies or unless they have it pried out of their cold,dead fists.

Through all of this I feel a medical solution is needed to make me permanently nonverbal to help reduce my stress levels and to force those still on legacy accounts to migrate since not even I can "role back" a medical solution. I feel I could have avoided all of this mess by just being born permanently nonverbal so there would be no messy migrations. I know that's an extreme step and view to take but I feel it should be that way.

Due to the hospital incident in 2014 Dr. Rao even went out on the line and drafted an official letter explaining the medical necessity of my ipad due to both gender conflicts that cause great distress when speaking and autism being concurrent diagnoses with me. That statement has come in so handy recently.


What do you all think? I'd love the opinions Remember that I will take all opinions whether positive or negative but all opinions must be voiced in a respectful manner and be in accordance with all site policies and guidelines since I don't want to start a flame war or personal attack against myself.

Last edited by cfleischmann on 28 Aug 2017, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't sense that going permanently nonverbal is a good idea.

Suppose you regain your verbal facility after you've recovered from what happened to you? Suppose you want to speak verbally again? Suppose a potential partner likes your singing voice?

Within the world stage, it really is much easier, still, if one is verbal.

I wouldn't say that I'm "against" it, per se.....but this is rather a drastic step, and would cause you never to speak verbally again. You wouldn't have a choice.

If you don't get that surgery, there will still be a choice of whether you want to be verbal or not.

Hi thanks for the opinion piece. Me and fiancee are set for life and already married through the church and recognized as such by my job we just need to get it recognized by the courts.

I'm to the point of never wanting to be verbal no matter what. So there in my opinion needs to be such a drastic measure. I find the verbal facilities my hardware has as limiting rather than liberating, that's just me. Plus, no reasonable surgeon would do it just like they wouldn't amputate a working limb. Plus I don't sing well at all so not even my fiancee would miss that she's said she's happy with me no matter which path I take and willing to be supportive of me no matter what.

Once again extremely valid points but I'm past that... I'm to the point of no return. until the day comes that they can give a medical solution, I will periodically re-evaluate my decision to be permanent. I appreciate your thoughts.

Maybe "permanent" wasn't the right word... I mean I'd still like to be able to laugh and make other vocalizations but the concept of verbal speaking communication is completely off the radar for me. I want to be about as verbal as our CEO. I know I'm in a minority when I say if my ability to verbally communicate and turn sounds into intelligible words were to be completely and blanked out tomorrow, I really would care less and not miss a thing.

Depending on what state you're in, you might be married....the same as if a man and a woman are married. You got married in a church. Why wouldn't the courts recognize that? The only reason I can think of is that the state doesn't "recognize" that sort of marriage, yet

But all states, I believe, recognize "civil partnerships" at least, even if the partners are not "officially" married---so it's like being married in a financial sense. Like "common-law" marriage.

I get you. You're not doing something permanent right now. So it's okay. You're not precluding yourself from speaking when you feel the desire again (it's true that you might not feel the desire).

I respect that you are "at the point of no return." It's a miracle that you have a nonverbal CEO.

No, no miracle... She started as a Tier one tech on the phones and in chat and took every call just like anyone else would, went through the same 12 weeks of training everyone else did when they first got hired on and never had an "I can't because I'm nonverbal..." attitude. She still provided the same customer experience and levels of service that would be expected of anyone regardless of disability. In 2012 the then CEO stepped down to pursue more time with his family, and our CEO was promoted from a level three tech to CEO and she said to all of us on her first day as CEO: "Just because my title has changed does not mean that I don't share in the company vision of assisting all customers no matter what. From today until I am physically unable to operate my workstation, I will remain on the phones and in chat. Doing this not only gives you a direct line of contact to me, but also gives me a read on what might need to be changed in the customer experience." She spends her first 2 hours reading and responding to email and voice mail, the next 4 hours on the phone and/or in chat with customers, an hour for lunch, back to the customers for another about 2 hours, and then she pulls calls for quality assurance and coaching purposes and does her paperwork. She takes another 45 minute break and back to the phones and chats. Somehow during all of this she still manages to attend trainings she needs to, give trainings, and have a life. She's dedicated in that sense. She even tells all customer facing personnel "if a customer wants to talk to me, please feel free to transfer the call or chat to me. If I'm available I'll take it, if not, I'll respond to the customer query by phone or email as soon as I am physically able."

No one other than her sets the above expectations or rules for her, she does it because that's just her. We're all volunteer so she figures she doesn't want to be stuck doing paperwork all dang day she wants to be out on thefront lines. and honestly I don't blame her for having that attitude

I meant it is a miracle for you that you have such a CEO. It's still pretty rare to have, as a CEO, a nonverbal person.

This CEO has really succeeded quite well, and is well-disciplined. Much more disciplined than I am!

I was technically next in succession order since me and the old CEO started it all back when we were in high school. I said I don't want the job and he asked me who should succeed him and I said that Krystal should. We were an item me and Krystal but due to her having life problems related to her family she didn't want me getting hurt so she broke it off and for that reason alone. We're still really good friends. Another really interesting fact about Krystal is she tells all customers and employees to call her "Siri" because of the particular voice she uses on her iPad for her speaking voice. It's even on her ID badge and in the HR system that's what she prefers to be called.

You got to love our CEO.

This means you started this company! That's excellent!

Yes I did, but that's just a title. it truly means nothing to me, I'm not in a management potion like on our board of directors or the like. I do two things that are very distantly related to management 1) I'm in the C-ORG meaning I help decide which employee suggestions and requests go to Krystal for approval (it's kind of like an "employee congress" divided up into three parts labeled as A, B, and C organizational units (or "ORGs") and 2) I do take on a supervisory role if a customer needs an escalation beyond level 2 which is rare. even as a level 3, I still get level 1 and level 2 interactions so I can keep my skills sharp. those two things are about as close to being a "suit" as I'll ever get by my own choice. There are just certain jobs in the company I don't thin I'd be good at including being an auditor with the office of special affairs (OSA) who are kind of like the highest level of quality assurance that no one is immune from getting audited by (think "internal affairs" level stuff), our enterprise security division (ESD) being the people that call the worst of the worst abusive customers back and tell them to "knock it off", and I could never work in the cafeteria because the last time I was assigned to work there I caused a kitchen fire and ruined someone's disk that was going out on the line (they take recipes we submit and prepare it in bulk to feed the whole company) so I am permanently excluded from kitchen duty else I might burn down the whole building completely on accident because I have zero cooking skill unless it's frozen/microwave safe.

Do you think of customer service as being a "special interest?"

I ask: because most autistic people are pretty poor when it comes to customer service skills.

I suck pretty bad at it myself.

Yes, along with Winx Club, Assistive technology, computers and cell phones in general, website development (specifically the interactive things like forums and chat), radio, Telecom (enterprise phone systems like cisco UC), the TV show iCarly, fast food, and hand holding just to name a few.

I can remember ever since I could grasp the concept of Call Center CSR that has been my dream.
Thanks for asking me

This might mean you can program computers, too.

Have you thought about doing per-diem type work in that aspect of things? To supplement your income?

It's great that you have a wide range of interests.

I am on government social security benefits so I cannot do so-called "paid" work or I lose entirely my benefits or they get reduced. This is why all my services and such are 100% volunteer driven (I do accept "donations" so if a customer finds a product or service useful they can "donate" any amount to help keep my work free for all we joke that this customers are donating to the "feed the holograms fund")

I get you.

These days, people depend upon their computers. When a computer breaks down, they get scared.

Then they might call you! And you'll save the day!

Yep...I think the general public should appreciate autistic people more.

I'm nonverbal. But I have had a lot speech therapy to be able to talk in case of emergency. I can't converse at all. But I can say a string of words like my name, my parents names, that I am autistic etc in case I got lost. One time I got a little too far out into the water (I can't swim) and panicked and started yelling, which led to being quickly rescued. Stuff like that. So while I am and actually prefer to be nonverbal, I'm glad I have a voice and can say some words or make a loud noise in case of emergency.

My opinion:

If it works for you and you & everyone you love is comfortable with it go for it and don't look back.

I remember an incident when I was on a psych ward once , my mum came to visit me and I was barely verbal and told her I wish I didn't have to talk again as it might solve my problems. She told me about monastic silence ( I'm not religious ) and said if it helped - do it. If ipads had been around in those days I may of considered it.


Edit: I was just about to post the above then caught the bit about having surgery to be permanently non verbal.
I think that is a very bad idea as it can be achieved without surgery with the right willpower.
There are so many situations that I can think of where no voice would be bad.
I'm catastrophizing here but what if someones life was at risk including your own and you didn't have time to type out "Help" , "Duck" , "Look out for that car" etc on your iPad.
And what if you ever have kids , how quick do you think you can type "Don't stick your finger in the sockets".
I'm also of the opinion that I doubt you will find any ethical Doctor to perform this surgery.