Having girlfriends and aspergers.

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My experiences with relationships seems very different to the stereotypes of someone with aspergers. The stereotype that a lot of us are incapable of having girlfriend's due to poor social skills, poor image, isolation and so on. For me, this hasn't exactly been the case. I am now 22, though still a virgin. I have had 5 since school. I had my first kiss around age 8. Young I know. Every one of them did end on bad terms because of something I did though. But i was never afraid to tell a girl i liked them as a kid. My first girlfriends I had was in primary school, they were pretty much just a friend that I'd hang about with at lunch and sit on the bus with. Then middle school age 10 to 13, I had a girlfriend who I spent a small amount of time with outside of school, we would walk to and play on the park together. I would phone her all the time when away on family holidays. I did keep asking her "can I have a kiss please" all the time which apparently it doesn't work like that. I would say things by mistake that would hurt her that lead to her breaking up with me. Another one I had I spent alot of time with her only outside school, her mother thought I was really sweet. She told me to go away because while out with her, a bunch of other kids were making fun of her and throwing stuff at her and she broke up with me because I didn't understand that I was meant to stand up for her, I let it happen. Last one from middle school she knew I liked her a lot but was too shy to talk to her so I asked her out with a note witch she said yes to but only because she felt sorry for me. She used me because I'd just follow behind her and carry her stuff and sit on my own and watch her play with her friends. In high school I had a couple who like me, were unpopular and bullied a lot but they didn't go well either. The last one I had went well for 4 months until again she got angry with me for not standing up for her when she was being bullied. I would have frequent shutdowns and almost meltdowns during dates with her sometimes so I don't know how it lasted so long. I never really understood relationships much but wanted to fit in so I tried hard to be in one.

How are your experiences with this topic?

Morning Roo,

I can almost relate to the shutdowns etc when with the lady, and in my own lifetime I had a degree of criticism coming back over parts of how I acted etc.
Well done on being able to initate though.

Thanks for your reply. I didn't have shutdowns all the time but when out with her a few times in the car there were times she had a go at me for something and I'd become extremely agitated and annoyed and end up having to take her home. But I have lost interests in relationships now. Too absorbed in my hobby to put the time and effort into it

I have been married for 27 years, having a relationship and being autistic is very possible. It's just getting the girl in the first place which can be tricky. When you can't be sure if someone likes you, you find it either uncomfortable or can not tell if someone is flirting with you certainly does not help. I think some of the difficulty comes from wanting to cut out all of the er...preliminaries (I am not talking about sex) I had a "we like each other let's live together forever" approach waaaay too early, like almost straight away. I did not see the point in this whole getting to know each of 2 years and then get married business, no, no, no, far too much messing about.

As luck would have it, someone I liked and known for a long time from a distance came home with me one night and never left, and that was 27 years ago, job done, perfect.