Any way to work through non verbal episodes?

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I've been noticing a trend with my family and others. When I become upset with them and try to explain why I'm upset, I find myself unable to express the words to tell them " you've done x, which makes me upset". I end up becoming non-verbal (despite the running dialogue in my head explaining my feelings) and just shrug or end up saying "sure" to whatever they're saying. My dad just caused another one of these episodes when he antagonized our older dog (she's 10 year old chihuahua mix), who was clearly telegraphing that she was not in the mood to be touched or have anyone near her (hackles raised but no growling, stand off body language). Our younger dog (miniature poodle mix) understood this and sat next to my dad and left her alone.

My dad decides to antagonize our older dog and pushed her with his hand to try and play with her. She started growling at him, showing her teeth with growling. I tried to tell him to stop, but he continued, causing her to snap and try to bite him. He pulled his hand away and the elder dog redirected her anger towards the younger dog and snapped at him. My dad got mad at the elder dog and I tried to explain him that he caused the issue. He then went on to say she always does this and babied our other dog. I just found myself becoming non verbal and pulling into myself, petting the elder dog and trying to get my words out. In the end, I just went back to my room.

I don't like being non verbal especially when my words are trapped in my brain. I can feel them buzzing around to get out and I want to say my piece but I can't. I hate having this happen and want it to stop. Any advice on how to work through this would be greatly appreciated.

Any advice on how to work through this would be greatly appreciated.

I think you may be describing “selective mutism” which my two AS daughters have.

I am not sure if it is a coincident condition or a manifestation of an AS variant. The anxiety component seems related to the heightened sensory and neurological features of AS.

Remediation seems to lie in the direction of mastery of anxiety. Techniques to reduce the anxiety seem to help. It is difficult to do this alone as the people who trigger anxiety often have to be aware and participate in a therapeutic approach. Otherwise single handed or one-sided anxiety mastery can be a long time in coming.

I never would've considered selective mutism until you both pointed this out to me. Most of the time it does happen in situations where I'm feeling overstimulated or extremely anxious. As for over coming it, I'll talk to my therapist and see if she has advice. I do not see my dad actually participating in my therapy or helping with it as I am not following "his way" of overcoming issues (reading my Bible and praying even though I do the second) and my focus should be on letting his own issues go/ glossing over the hurt he causes with them.

I would necessarily call it selective mutism. Selective mutism is usually more consistent and tied to being outside the home/ a comfortable place. Going mute situationally like when angry/tired is more like a partial shutdown i.e. Internal meltdown.

Do simple nonverbal gestures, that are at least as simple as nodding or shaking your head. Express frustration or disappointment non verbally. And confrontation times had to be done as quickly as possible.
Then, try to calm down somewhere. Maybe take a nap or play a game until you're done being nonverbal.
If it's a shutdown, go somewhere comfortable.

If you're somewhere you can't just do that, like, at work -- try to be as busy as possible.
And if you can't do that, and you have to confront many others... You might as well isolate your state of mind and become your own puppet -- or resort to be a 'robot' if you shutdown THEN remove yourself.



I get away with this at home. My household could decipher mine and they don't know or realize what it is. It's just times whenever I felt like it... I don't exactly need a catalyst or any external reasons to have non verbal episodes.
And this rarely happens to me at work, rarely ever happens out of circumstances like being shocked or caught off-guard or frustrated.

Maybe mine happens if everything is too tense if it's something to do with me... Or too relaxing that maybe, unconsciously, decides that I might as well.

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I do not see my dad actually participating in my therapy or helping with it as I am not following "his way" of overcoming issues (reading my Bible and praying even though I do the second) and my focus should be on letting his own issues go/ glossing over the hurt he causes with them.

This may contribute to the anxiety that fuels selective mutism. I had a difficult time with my parents over religion. Over the years I came to see that they clung to a type of religious practice that was rule based and were never helped by their church to learn things that would help them apply biblical principles to real life with love and wisdom. As a result, they never really had a chance to benefit from their faith.

I found this web site christianpioneer.com that has been helpful in clearing up some of the doctrinal issues I had. The bible talks about letting each one be “persuaded” (which to me implies a freedom to inquire and search out truth). Many religious organizational systems seek to enforce a type of compliance which tends to restrict and quench inquiry. If your father is an adherent of a type of restrictive tradition of Christianity, you might not be able to come to an agreement and have to settle for a type of subject avoidance to not trigger conflicts and anxieties.

When I am nonverbal, I use other ways to communicate. I might send someone a text or write stuff down. I might use picture cards or an AAC app. It will make it less distressing if you can find a way to communicate your needs during these periods.

I have selective mutism a lot. I prefer to call it situational mutism because that is really what it is. If I want to communicate when I am mute, I write down what I want to say on my phone or a pad of paper or a small dry erase board and show the person I want to speak to. Sometimes I fingerspell or sign as well.

If you look for anything at all about selective mutism, you will only find information that talks about it in children. Again, another condition we are all supposed to outgrow. Well as a 50 year old I get more situationally mute than I have ever been. You are not alone with this my friend.

This situational mutism or selective mutism, whatever you prefer to call, started to bother me again in these recent years when I was under pressure and last year I was "shocked speechless". Literally, I lost my voice. There were thoughts but I could not speak. It was alarming and frustrating. I shut down. I still struggle with this situational mutism. It happens more frequent now.
The longest episode lasted for two days. I have an AAC app (TotallyGeekage mentioned it too) on my iPad and it works very well. At least, I can still write down what I want to say when I cannot speak. I don't use my phone because it is too small and hard to type on the screen, though, a phone is more portable than a tablet.

By the way, awesome AAC apps can be pricey. Tip: At the beginning of Autism Awareness month, that is, April, some great AAC apps are half price! I got mine half price.