How do you know if you love someone?

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This may seem like a stupid question. The thing is though, I'm not talking about romantic love here. In fact, I think romantic love is easier for me to understand, because you have that physical attraction as well. Platonic love however, the opposite of romantic, is much more confusing to me - as in loving friends or family members.

How do you know if you love a friend, for example? Is it when you care about them? But you can still care about someone you don't necessarily love, right? Is it when being with them makes you happy? Thinking they're a good person? Or is it just an intuitive feeling?

I think the downfall here is how we talk about love in the English language.

The Greeks have much more expressive words.

I think that familial or philial love is more like your chest tightens when you think about them and you feel a warm fuzzy feeling. Especially when you think of something they did that was funny or you're proud of what they did. And you'll do anything for them because you want to. You feel indignant when someone treats them badly or unfairly. More so than you would for a stranger.

Well that's how I experience it anyway.

A NT once said to me (a woman) that they did not believe in platonic love, that there was always a sexual tension. I am not totally sold on that. The nearest person I might call a friend is a lesbian. How can you tell you love someone? Well I guess NT's are the best people to ask. IMHO it is when you can not bare to be apart from someone. Perhaps when you need them above all others.







Eyjafjallajökull, thats easy for you to say

Does this friend not feel love for her family or female friends?? Why would she not be able to feel that for a man?

I'm not attracted to all my male friends. She maybe thinks men are the ones who can't manage the platonic.

I can't speak for the men I know. I don't have any close male friends. They are acqaintances really, but say my bro in law. I'm not attracted to him and he's not a blood relative, but i am fond of him and I don't want harm to come to him. His best friend is also a man I'm not attracted to and I'm fond of him as well. We have good laughs together. They've always got some mad story to tell. I dunno if that's strong enough to be called love, but it's platonic for sure.

I think I only really *love* three people in my life: my mother and my sisters. I think about it like this, who would I protect at all costs? Who do I care about the most?

i honestly dont know! i question if i can feel romantic love at all sometimes...

I don't feel physical things except them making me smile. Relate to the latter, however.

Thanks for the replies people!

Agreed, the English nomenclature is inadequate. Rather like light, we "all" know what it is but defining it isn't easy at all.

In my case the only touchstone I can think of is the distress I feel when I see a loved one being harmed. It surprises me to see that I can feel a little like that when I notice somebody I don't know getting hurt. Because consciously, I tend to see myself as a rather non-empathic, self-centred type who cares very little for people I'm not close to and doesn't care enough about people I am close to.

I can't answer the OP's question properly, perhaps because it implies that love is binary, that you either have it or you don't.........to me, love is more quantitative than that. Yet I sense that it would be folly to try to measure it. I guess it's such an emotional concept that it can't be nailed with mere reason and logic.