Have you been snapped at for asking people to clarify things

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As a person with ASD/HFA, I am glad to say that this hasn't happened as often as it used to, since I improved through conscious reflection, practice, and constructive criticism, but once in a while I recall someone getting irate with me because I "dared" to ask clarification on their instructions. Like with my former stepmom, who thought that I was giving "attitude" and was "too smart to be ignorant about this", or a former narcissistic boss who glared at me and asked "Why are you asking this?? Is there something wrong with MY communication???"

Well, it's certainly a disincentive to communication efficiency and desire for mutually beneficial outcome, I've gotta say. And ironically I've seen so many communication books (presumably written by NTs) saying that there's no shame in clarifying intent before acting, and not assuming that you can read people's thoughts (and pragmatics for that matter...which NTs are so cocksure they've got a handle on.) It's like, well, don't blame me when the sh*t hits the fan afterwards, and you cry out "well if you weren't sure then ASK..." can't have it both ways, buddy!!

Of course it could be that the person in question was just a "military" Type-A (a***ole) personality and they're like that with everyone, i.e. "just get me the damn thing yesterday I don't have time for questions", but we do certainly seem to take the brunt of their ire it's like the gale force of cold front /warm front i.e. polar opposites on the Myers Briggs scale.

What often happens to me is that I'm asking questions, truly trying to figure out what people meant, and people think I'm arguing with them.

Yeah. I can see that happening...NT triggered response of "reading into things too much".

They auto-assume that your questioning of "obvious" expectations is a passive-aggressive attempt to get out of it, and ergo you must be arguing with them. That, or your questions may imply that there's a more efficient way to deal with it, or a difference in perception of pragmatics. They see it as an affront to "their way", which is representative of the majority (common sense, or the hive mind approach).

I suppose you could try to reassure them by simply stating "I'm not asking this to cause any argument, I just want some feedback as to how I could do it better." 'course, you'll always have to deal with some imbecile who accuses you of sarcasm or whatever.

Many times, but mostly with people that get angry with everyone for one reason or another.

By other people? On multiple occasions yes. Nothing (recently) that's ever caused me alot of upset though. One thing I have a disdain for is that sometimes my mother goes over the top with clarifying the things I need to do, but then again I only have myself to blame for that because when I was less sure of myself when I was younger, I'd literally need people to describe every small detail of something to me in order to relieve the anxiety of doing a task. Now I have the opposite problem.

^ that's a nice avatar

Exactly the same with me. I seek specific clarification because the directions I was given are imprecise, vague and incomplete, and get snapped at for "arguing."

Yeah, that happens a lot. Not as much as it did when I was still a child, but that's probably because I no longer need to ask as much advice on things as much as then. People who snap after the first reguest of a clarification are the worst... I mean I understand if someone snaps when they have a bad day, but some people snap all the time no matter what I ask from them. Fortunately, most people I usually ask advice from have an "If you don't understand what I tell you, shame on me for not explaining properly. If you don't understand after a clarification I've given, shame on you" -kind of attitude. Meaning that if they say something and I don't understand, they don't have trouble trying to explain it clearer, but they snap if I don't get it after their first attempt of being clearer. Come to think of it, this isn't really that fortunate, but I prefer this type of peope over the first option.

With family and friends this isn't really a big problem; for example if they ask for a favor yet refuse to explain things in a way that I understand I can just tell them to ask someone else, but at work that can't really be done, not if one wants to keep their job. In those situations I just need to either ask more until I get it or until they give up and decide to give the assigment to someone else.