Disclosing to friends?

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I have now been part of a friend group for almost a year.

I have disclosed my diagnosis to one of the girls in it. I told her pretty son after i got to know her.

I am considering telling the others as i suspect that they now know that i have some sort of disability or am different. They have been very kind to me, have included me and just generally been nice. I do not fear being left out. I would tell them so they know, incase they've been wondering.


I wonder if they would like to know that I'm autistic or if its something that i should keep to myself.

I do now know what their knowledge of the autism spectrum is, so i don't know if they suspect i have autism.

What are your tips and experiences with disclosing a diagnosis to friends? How should i approach the subject?

My honest feeling is that there's really nothing to "tell." You don't have to "confess" anything.

You don't "have" to disclose that you are on the Autistic Spectrum---unless you feel like you want to.

You're under no moral obligation to do so.

They probably already know

I don't really have friends, but I am still in touch with 2 or 3 collegues from a service for classically autistic kids I used to work for and they know. None of my extended family know, not because I am ashamed or anything like that, I just can't be bothered to expalin myself to them. I am in touch perhaps twice a year with a couple I know if I am in town, I won't tell them either.

I would approach it on a need-to-know basis.

If you're having difficulties with something and you think that it would be helpful if they knew about your ASD, then I would tell them. This could be a number of things like maybe they're inviting you out to parties and you want to explain that your ASD causes you a lot of stress at social events or maybe you have a habit of misinterpreting things that they say and you want to provide them an explanation for how you think so that you can have clearer communication.

If there's something like that, then I would tell them because I think that could be beneficial to the friendship. Otherwise, I would keep it to myself.

I second the "need to know" basis.

If there's a difficulty that's causing confusion or problems with someone, explain a little about it to that person.

If there isn't, no need to tell anyone.

Recently, in having a discussion about a local issue, with someone I don't particularly like (head of a local group who makes some bad decisions, in my view) it became necessary for me to say something -- but I didn't want to disclose to this person. I instead compromised by mentioning that I am of an introvert personality. That's as far as I was willing to go in this particular instance, with this specific person, and all that needed to be said regarding the difficulty.

Tony Attwood has recommended a similar method -- instead of disclosing the autism outright, disclose a trait or symptom, for example if noise sensitivity is preventing you from attending the parties of a friend who throws loud, lively ones and you don't know how to explain why you keep making excuses, you can say something like: "I'm sorry I keep turning down your parties, please don't take it personally. I'm afraid I experience a thing called misophonia where loud places and lots of noise overwhelms me."

Yep....discussing the "traits," without mentioning the disorder, could be good.

I was thinking of disclosing my diagnosis so they get some more realistic views of what someone who's autistic is like.


And because it is a part of who i am.


Meh, i have time to think about it. I might tell them tomorrow or next year or never. Its not something i have to do, but id like to do it at some point.

I remember disclosing my autism to my acquaintances at a factory that I was working at 22 years ago. It was when two of those so-called friends were teasing me relentlessly, 21 years ago around the time the Olympics were about to start. One of my bullies asked, "Is that why you're always bitchy?" I felt like saying, "Not bitchy....harsh and unromantic." I'm glad I didn't say that, because those girls were into love, sex and romance. I only tell close friends and family now.