Sister thinks I´m hiding in PDD-NOS and ignores me

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alpacka
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21 Mar 2017, 7:36 am

I am over 30 years old and was recently diagnosed with pdd-nos.
My adult life has always been lonely and distant but I have a deegree and I also have worked even if it´s been really tough.
But I haven´t been able to stay on workplaces long periods of time because I get too overwhelmed and sensitive around people.
I have been reporting sick full time 2 months now but my sister has never picked up her
phone and called me, asking how I´m doing or whatever even if she knows about this.
She lives about one hour from me and have never even visit me alone once ever,
it´s always related to her own family business if she´s coming by. Never just to see me or ask how I´m doing.
I feel like she is a shamed over me, I look normal and she´s thinking that all this
autism, aspergers, adhd and so on are just something people use a an excuse to do nothing with their lives.
She would never tell her friends about my condition, she just thinks it´s weird and nothing to talk about seriously.

When I have been unemployed she was constantly asking me which jobs I was seeking (this was before I got the diagnosis)
and always talked with my parents that i must get a job, even if I live with a man that have a well-paid job
and never complain about he´s paying everything.
I think this is not her problem and she should care of my mental health instead of complaining and ask about jobs all the time.
Now, when she knows I got this pdd-nos she just completely ignores about it and never bringing it up ever.
She has said to me and the rest of my family that she thinks that too many people hiding in diagnosis and use a an excuse for everything, her husband says that very same thing. They simple don´t believe it even if it´s so very clear to others that I got something.

I don´t know how to handle this lack of support, I do feel like she´s thinking I just hiding, have a easy life and not trying hard enough. I hate the fact that I don´t have sister with a warm heart that ask in concern how I´m doing and just take me as I am, rather then just totally ignore me.

I would like to hear what you think I should do. :(


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Keigan
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21 Mar 2017, 7:46 am

Focus your energy on taking care of yourself for what you value and can accomplish.

Don't be concerned with the lack of interest of others, they will find the errors of their ways in due time.



burnt_orange
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21 Mar 2017, 12:24 pm

I think she is jealous of the attention you are getting from your parents and family.

I would ignore your past with her and focus on a thoughtful future. When you see her speak nothing of your diagnosis. Ask her very politely and sincerely how she is doing. Give short kind answers in return. Put the ball in her court. Then just keep going with your life.

If she keeps running her mouth and something needs to be said, calmly but firmly tell her to mind her own business. Then leave the situation as to not argue with her.



alpacka
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23 Mar 2017, 3:46 am

Thank you for your answers, I think you both are right. It´s difficult when it´s in family I think, everything get´s very complicating but I will try these. :wink:


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antnego
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25 Mar 2017, 12:37 am

Your sister sounds like a narcissist.

Well, that's just my anger coming out. :evil:

People who are miserable with their own lives often take it out on someone more vulnerable. Your sister probably hates her job (and her life), so when she sees you not working, she secretly envies you. Therefore, she's taking her misery out on you, so she can feel good about being a martyr.

In her head it's, "I have to put up with this crappy job and crappy life, why doesn't she? It's not fair."

I know from experience however, that it feels frustrating and degrading not having a job. I'd rather be employed. I don't think your sister possesses the empathy to see how you might feel in your current situation.

Edit: People who are happy with their lives are too busy enjoying life to bother themselves with dumping on others.


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alpacka
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08 Sep 2017, 9:32 am

antnego wrote:
Your sister sounds like a narcissist.

Well, that's just my anger coming out. :evil:

People who are miserable with their own lives often take it out on someone more vulnerable. Your sister probably hates her job (and her life), so when she sees you not working, she secretly envies you. Therefore, she's taking her misery out on you, so she can feel good about being a martyr.

In her head it's, "I have to put up with this crappy job and crappy life, why doesn't she? It's not fair."

I know from experience however, that it feels frustrating and degrading not having a job. I'd rather be employed. I don't think your sister possesses the empathy to see how you might feel in your current situation.

Edit: People who are happy with their lives are too busy enjoying life to bother themselves with dumping on others.


Thank you for your comment. I think maybe you are right. Narcissistic traits she got, I have to admit that. Not only to me but she treats her spouse as a slave, do this, do that, never happy with anything he does ever. She do have good qualities as well but not as a warm supportive one I need.


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League_Girl
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08 Sep 2017, 11:57 am

Ignore her, you can't fix willful ignorance. Limit your contact with her and only see her if you have to.


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