Being too nice?

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Is there such a thing as being too nice? Of course being nice isn't a bad thing but take me, for example. I'm afraid that I'm too much of it and I wonder if it has anything to do with ASD.

I'll just lay this out in point-format cause I'm not entirely sure how to express myself right now:

1) I can't stand up for myself. I rarely express myself in any way where other people might disagree or I'll cause conflict. I also feel bad terribly bad when I have to say no. When I was younger, other kids even asked me "are you even capable of saying no?".
2) Am I actually just nice cause it's easy? I'm on the spectrum, so obviously I've got a bit of social impairment to some extent. I've found that being polite and kind, is always the easiest go-to option for me in social interactions. Not that I'm not genuine, I'm pretty sure that I am. Although I do worry about this sometimes.
3) Too nice = boring? I can't help but think that other people, though they describe me as a nice person, secretly think that I am super boring. Sure, I wanna be seen as nice, but what about humorous, witty or interesting? Sweet is literally the only thing I'm ever being described as

I'm really interested in hearing what you guys have to say on this topic. Thoughts? Can anyone relate?

Last edited by lazyflower on 07 Sep 2017, 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Myself in one post. That's all.

I am a real people-pleaser! I wouldn't say I'm "too nice", but I think the things you describe can be good. It causes me trouble as well when I can't say "No!" and things like that, but I would rather be too nice than evil and uncaring.

Glad to know I'm not alone! And you're right, it's definitely better than the opposite

Haven't really thought about this in relation to being on the spectrum before, but yes, I have been directly told I'm too nice before, and looking back on my life, I can definitely see quite a bit that might that might fall into that category.

When I was in grade 7, having not been diagnosed as being on the spectrum (that didn't happen until age 36), I had actually had some counselling where I was supposed to learn to be assertive and "stick up for myself". That was quite awkward and not much came out of it.


When growing up, I can recall doing things like letting other kids cheat consistently at games because I didn't want to call them out on it, even going so far as allowing them to accuse me of cheating so that they could "undo" that "cheating" - to their advantage.

I don't think I'd allow that now, but I definitely still face challenges in not knowing how much it's ok to say "No" to something I really don't feel like doing (going to a party, whatever), in order to maintain good standing with the group.

I can relate lazyflower , I don't have a Dx but that's sounds like me.

I'm overly polite verbally and the rude b'stard of alan in relation to body language.

I have no idea what my body language comes across like but I'm guessing as no ones mentioned it , it's not rude.

Edit: I just asked my GF and she said sometimes my body language does come across as rude

Tell me more about your GF.

Interesting point with the body language. Maybe it's because I'm autistic but I don't really notice body language in myself or other people that much. I think I might come across as very closed off, but that's only because I'm often uncomfortable in social situations so I tend to make myself physically smaller, like crossing my arms, etc. Guess I should pay more attention to that

Do you notice other people's reactions to your body language?
Not if you understand them, just if you notice reactions and changes.

There are not enough superlatives to tell you about my GF , obviously I jest she is a nightmare at times but we complete each other

Me too! I come off as really annoyed or angry if I don't pay attention to my expression and body language. I have a situational flat affect, so people can easily think I am constantly scowling or angry.

Pictures?

Are you trying to prove a point that I can't say no , here's my favourite photo of us

Spoiler.

Norman Bates kills his mother????

WTF?

Ferris ^^^^^

I love it!