Do I have Asperger syndrome?

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OK, so I’m a 19-year-old gay male and I’m writing this because I feel as though I may have Asperger syndrome, and I’m looking for some advice. If I do have it, I feel that it’s a lot milder than other people’s Asperger’s. Some people may argue that there is no such thing as “mild Asperger’s”, which is fair enough, however I do believe that my possible Asperger’s generally has a lesser impact on me than it does on others. I can, for example, totally understand facial expressions and body language with no issue, I don’t believe that I ever experience “sensory overload” and I often get sarcasm or subtle hints/implications in conversation. It affects me more in that I have had to battle with social anxiety for many years due to being unsure of how to act appropriately with people I am unfamiliar with. This has led to me putting on a bit of a facade in the past in order to try to get on better with others.

During my teenage years, I had absolutely no boundaries and would say some of the most inappropriate things (often sex-related). I am much more mature and self-aware nowadays, however. I also have a tendency to be brutally honest to the point of being hurtful (particularly in romantic relationships), as I can’t stand dishonesty/fakery, and I am also terrible at paying attention to a conversation that doesn’t interest me – I almost completely lose focus. My ability to empathise is also quite deficient – I sometimes struggle to place myself in another person’s shoes e.g. my ex-boyfriend was quite an emotionally intense person, and often when he cried I just couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about – I would just stare at him confused all while attempting to present him with a logical and objective perspective, rather than a (probably more appropriate) emotional one. It also isn’t necessarily in my instinct to hug people when they’re upset, especially family (I find it very uncomfortable).

I’m not always awful when it comes to small talk, but I do find it challenging at times and really don’t enjoy it or find it interesting. I’m not a fan of having acquaintances either – my friendships have to be really meaningful, otherwise what’s the point?

I have an “intelligent special interest” – languages (which has worked to my advantage by allowing me to obtain a place at the University of Cambridge to study Arabic and Spanish). I am extremely obsessed with languages, and in the past when I have got close to people I would often ramble on about languages and constantly translate things to the point where I would begin to irritate/bore them. I am also very OCD and hyper-pedantic about language, whether it be a foreign language or my own. This is all thanks to a great memory, particularly when it comes to words. I also have a general tendency to obsess over things that interest me, and these interests can sometimes be quite random (when I was about 12 for example, I remember learning the birthdays of every single person in my class off by heart).

When I was a child, my mum tells me that I would often play by myself, and that one time a specialist came into my school to assess a young girl, but she actually noticed me in the corner of her eye and commented that I could have “borderline” Asperger’s. Both my parents believed at some point that I had Asperger’s when I was growing up, but they didn’t want to say anything because they now tell me that they wanted me to discover it for myself (if I do in fact have it). Since I’ve told my close friends about my suspicions relating to my potential Asperger’s, none of them are surprised whatsoever and think it totally makes sense. In fact, my best friend has made comments in the past about me being possibly autistic, which at the time I guess I just refuted.

Since I was about 14, I always thought I was just a victim of social anxiety, but I always sensed in the back of my mind that there was something more. It’s worth mentioning here as well that I have experienced depression on a few occasions in my life, especially during my first year at uni (which eventually led to me dropping out). I became a recluse and would only socialise when alcohol was involved.

I’ve always just had a feeling of being “different” to other people. I often see people in a very mechanical way i.e. I find other people intriguing as they just feel so alien to me, to the point where I don’t always see them as people, but more like strange creatures that I have to try and somehow mix with in order to successfully integrate myself into society. Mind you, once I truly get to know someone, I am very much at ease with them. However, my former friendships and relationships have often been turbulent – it has been so easy for me in the past to “dispose” of boyfriends or friends due to me becoming increasingly bored with them and wanting something new or different.

My feelings are very much up and down – I can be quite volatile and am prone to episodes of anger, frustration or just total apathy when it comes to relationships. In romantic relationships, I do of course enjoy cuddling, but sometimes even the slightest physical contact can really piss me off and make me flip depending on how I’m feeling! Furthermore, I confess that I am quite narcissistic and self-obsessed – I really value myself yet find that others constantly underwhelm me or just don’t “get” me. I also have times when I just want to isolate myself in my room and not talk to anyone, although I’d also say that deep down I do enjoy getting to know people, so it could be argued that I’m more of an extrovert than an introvert (although it’s probably more accurate to say that I’m a mixture of both). One-on-one conversations are far better than conversations in big groups though – I’m terrible at that!

Sorry for making you read through all that, but judging from my experiences, could it be that I have Asperger’s? What are your thoughts? Thank you in advance!

Did you try the online tests yet? That'd be a nice place to start, followed by an official diagnosis if that's the route you'd like to go.

I read your message, and I think it's possible you could have Asperger's. I think that's about the most assurance somebody should give you on the online realm. If you take the online tests, would you mind sharing the results? They'd hold more weight than my opinion (but considerably less than a diagnosis).

I also have never experienced "sensory overload" and wouldn't know what that is like. It's funny you bring up the facial expression part of it as well, however. So here's my question about that. I also can read facial expressions fairly well, and as I've focused on it I might actually be able to read facial expressions better than some NTs. However, if you are having a conversation with somebody and you listen to what they are saying and you also read their facial expression, can you figure out WHY they have that facial expression? Now that is an area where I struggle. And if I'm having a three way conversation and two people look at each other with a shared/confused look on their face, I'll have absolutely no idea why they shared that look other than to think perhaps it was something I said (to which I'm usually wrong, by the way).

Sorry for writing all of that, I'm not trying to make this about me. The point I'm making is some aspects of Aspie traits can be more subtle. I mean if you took some stuff literally, you'd think everybody who's an Aspie will leave the room when somebody says, "Get out of here, that was a riot!" It can happen, but I think sometimes are traits get greatly exaggerated. My advice is to try to look for some more subtle clues. You might find that, prior to your diagnosis, that you accumulate a lot of evidence.

Again, using myself as an example. I never considered myself sensitive to clothing like most Aspies indicate they are. However, for years, when I had the opportunity when I got home, I'd immediately change into pajamas. I just assumed I was lazy. One day, as I was taking myself through this ritual, I thought about why I might be doing this. I came to the conclusion that while jeans aren't uncomfortable for me to wear in the morning, by the time I get home I find them uncomfortable, and also don't like the heavy weight of them on my skin. I also discovered that I find that I can't ignore that discomfort. So basically, my sensitively takes time build up.

Try to assess your habits and try not to give yourself glib answers such as "I'm lazy", "I'd have more friends if I'd just put myself out there more", "I've never been to a night club because I think they are tacky", "I like to use my computer a lot because I love to learn", "I read always complete all of the replies in a thread because I'm just a thorough guy", etc. You get the idea. When you observe something about yourself, take some time to really think about it. I bet you could have a good idea of whether you are autistic or not before you even get an official diagnosis.

You sound a lot like me and I've been officially diagnosed. In order to meet the criteria for ASD you must show impairment in social interaction and repetitive and restricted behaviours and interests. While you seem to show some traits in the former, you don't say anything about the latter. Do you stim? Do you repeat yourself? Did you have sensory sensitivities as a child? Do you have a history of being bullied or picked on? Do you have problems with your executive functioning? How is your multitasking? Do you understand your own feelings?

Autism is a very complex condition and nobody (I don't think) has all the traits. I can be an extrovert too and normally really like meeting people, unless I'm stressed out and can't put the effort into socialising. On the other hand though, growing up I had some obvious traits like intense awkwardness, no eye contact, physical clumsiness, weird facial expressions, would refuse to wear new clothes and would keep wearing the same every day. I would also always assume that other people must have like the things I liked and I did have sensory sensitivities as a kid which I mostly got over or learnt to deal with to the point I didn't even know other people felt things differently.

I hope this helps

I'm so "OCD" about going insane .

(I actually have OCD and I'm finding it amusing pointing out things I do have OCD about when other people say "I'm so OCD!")

To reply to your actual post, nobody can diagnose you over the Internet. However, you do have quite a lot of traits associated with ASD, so I would say at the very least it is likely. If you have the time and funding, why not go for a professional assessment? Nothing bad can come as a result of being tested. Even if it turns out that you don't have ASD, you still know more about yourself. If it turns out that you do, just know that you are the same person you have always been, and a diagnosis doesn't change that. I hope you can figure this out!

ditto

Thank you all for the detailed responses, I really appreciate it! Only just seen all these posts, and I’m quite tired now, but I’ll just say that I’ve taken the AQ test and it gave me a score of 28. I took it three times just to be sure and I always score within the “borderline” range (29, 26, 28). I actually also got my friend to do the AQ test based on how he perceives me (because sometimes we don’t always see ourselves clearly), and he scored me at 34! Is that enough incentive to seek out a professional diagnosis?

With regard to repetitive/restricted behaviour, apart from my obsessive interests I feel that this is not something I have too much of a problem with, except for maybe a few minor OCD habits. I don’t really have any strict routines or anything, although during my teenage years this was probably more significant in terms of what I ate for breakfast, what I wore and such alike. But again, nothing particularly striking as far as I can recall!