Do people enjoy hating you?

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WARNING: giant rant

Do people take pleasure out of viscously manipulating, insulting, berating, or otherwise destroying you or your sense of self? I am in a constant and aggressive battle with people. I've suspected that it could be me many times. Maybe I have some sort of personality disorder that is inhibiting my ability to empathize and project understanding towards others? Maybe I'm just severely paranoid? Maybe I'm just really ugly? I would accept those, and still will. However, I feel like I'm literally treated like s**t by a vast majority of the people I know and spend time with. Very rarely does someone treat me well, and they almost always turn around and tell me to f**k off a few years after we've begun a friendship. I'm very passive, I rarely argue against people and I try to support people when they need it. I've worked on my social skills, talked with counselors, etc.

Something about me turns people off almost immediately. I like myself, it's not like I have any inherent problem with myself and I understand that a lot of self-doubting thoughts are just like mini delusions (as in they're there and I believe them but since so many people tell me they're not true I'll trust them), but I don't know how so many people can turn so animalistic when they interact with me. I see totally normal friendly people turn around and give me death threats, take my stuff, poke me, etc. It's like I have a giant kick me sign on the back of my shirt which is invisible only to me. What is this s**t? My family members who are closer and can tell me the reality usually say some people are just disliked more than others and I agree with them. I can't seem to find any logical explanation for this? I can't tell if I'm sensitive or if I've just been so heavily abused and manipulated by everyone that I'm no longer willing to accept it. After a while you start lashing out at people, and they lash back at you, and I always lose.

Despite being told to kill myself hundreds of times, I never will do so. I value myself, my existence, opinions, perspectives, etc. I don't really care about one or two insults. It's just when it starts being from everyone I know when I start to get more drained/reactive. Again, I do suspect I may struggle with paranoia but that's where my difficulty is. Am I really sensitive or paranoid or am I actually just a machine to generate hatred? Are these as*holes enjoying themselves when they manipulate and step on me or do they just do it because they don't care?

People get mad at me when I fight back. They expect me to sit there and take it, and they're appalled when I actually tell them that the US has given me rights. I have a right to speak against them, but for some reason rights just simply don't apply to me. I feel like people assume I'm there for THEM, that THEY can do what they want and take pleasure in using me as a human stool. When I get mad and fight back I'm suddenly an evil monster. They then further berate me and push me into submission. I don't understand this. It sounds a lot worse than it is probably. I'm just angry right now and I tend to exaggerate when that happens. Can anyone relate, even remotely? What are your tips? Thanks.

One of my tips: Cato the Younger was a Roman senator opposing Julius Caesar in the 1st century BC. Seneca the Younger, a contemporary of Cato, wrote that “Someone who did not know Marcus Cato struck him in the public bath in his ignorance, for who would knowingly have done him an injury? Afterwards when he was apologizing, Cato replied, ‘I do not remember being struck’ (On Anger, II.32)” ( https://howtobeastoic.wordpress.com/201 ... st-quotes/ ). Seneca was referring to a time when Cato believed that “[s]mall difficulties, endured with forbearance and patience, could shape his character” ( https://dailystoic.com/cato/ ).

More importantly within the context of this OP, acting like Cato by ignoring insults and ridicule strengthens you while it tends to unhinge your opponents who wish only to get noticed.

Once people perceive they are in a conflict, they usually want to keep going to the win. If you don't back down because you are confident about things that others can't judge competently, they'll just take it as a personal attack rather than a helpful fact-check.
I'd have to watch you for some time to guess at your specific problem. Maybe you just don't "get" the essence of friendship as experienced by others, applying some formula instead of your "heart." (not an accurate anatomical reference) Maybe you just don't share the same interests. Maybe you sound patronizing. Have you ever had a friend who stayed a friend?

We would have to see you in action to...see you in action. See how you are able to turn people off with such talent and consistency.

Every school classroom has that kid that gets dumped on. And very often its a kid on the spectrum. So probably most of us here on WP have been that kid at some time. I was often that kid growing up.

But you're 36, an adult, and get dumped on worse and by more people than I myself ever got dumped on even as a school kid. So you've got a real situation here.

I am sure you have tried ignoring all of the insults and grief, and found that that strategy doesn't work very well.

And You have lately tried fighting back. But some of your tormentors do the tormenting just to get that very reaction. So that doesn't work either.

Don't know.

But I will give you one piece of advice. If someone gives you grief instead of going into a long winded thing about how you have "rights" it might be better to just look them in the eye and say the two most useful words in the English language:"bite", and "me". Just respond to their insults by saying "bite me!". The phrase is short, sweet, and to the point. And if others are watching sometimes gets you a sympathic laugh from the crowd.

Wrong citizen

You said someone was giving you "death threats". That is illegal. Please report it to the authorities.

You said they "take my stuff". That is illegal. Tell them to stop. Please report them

If they "poke" you, avoid them. Tell them to stop. As much as practical, please act calm.

You said you got told to kill yourself "hundreds of times". Tell him, her, or them to stop. Avoid them. Report them

Who told you to kill yourself? Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, coworkers?

Yes you might have a personality disorder. But the Department of Rehabilitation diagnosed me with six out of ten personality disorders. And precious lil "people" do not treat me nearly as bad as they treat you.

They might find you "ugly", but that does not excuse their behavior

There has to be something missing from your description. Are you a racial or religious minority? Do you appear to them, as LGBT? Do you look just like someone else, that happens to be an infamous felon? Has anyone ever told you you walk weird? Is there anything about your appearance, that you know of, that makes you look unusual or different from precious lil "most people"?

Strangers on the internet have never observed you before. If there is something so drastincally different about you, that you honestly do not know about, strangers also do not know.

Haters have small lives. I don't think there is much room for joy in them.

I see a lot of victim blaming in this thread. Why is everybody assuming he did things to trigger those poor poor bullies?

Maybe he just has had the bad luck to have to deal with a bunch of sadists.

I wasn't making that assumption..

You need to learn to read. No one above is "victim blaming".
A thirty six year(his whole life) long "streak" of that much bad luck (with folks in every area of his life apparently) is simply impossible. There has to be something maladaptive in his behavior.

No one said that he was a bad person.

I think that everyone above implied that its the world that at fault, and not him. But the world aint gonna change for his benefit. So it doesn't matter that the world is at fault. It is up to him to find a way to adapt to the nasty world to survive in it.

This is elementary/high school school stuff you're talking about.

Where is all this happening?

I see much in the way of subtlely insulting people, and insulting people behind their backs, rather than this blatant elementary school stuff.

Please tell us some specific instances of how and when people insult you, so maybe we can help you better.

It sounds like a bunch of adults acting like stupid children.

This is not meant as an indictment of you.

Forgot a minor detail. I have some explaining to do but I'll cut all that out and just write it out. I'm younger than my age. Not by 50 years or anything, but for some reason I have a habit of always putting a different age on any account I make on all websites because I fear being tracked. I also manipulate the story and switch out events because again, I'm afraid of someone finding this stuff. But also, it's the same sort of thing. I switch things like gender of the person for example, just for security. Though the initial threats are true and I've reported them.

Secondly, I tend to get paranoid. I have reported people and some things have changed since I posted this. I've been able to avoid the problem a little better by sort of "phasing" through the comments. But it seems that my biggest problem is I can't tell whether someone wants to joke, insult, bully, manipulate, or just genuinely hates my guts for whatever reason. I meld emotions and logic in a hideous fashion and that's what turns into severe paranoia. I've begun to doubt whether some of these comments are directed towards me or people just say them for the hell of it.

It is pretty subtle. That's the worst part. Sometimes people come to me and tell me right to my face, which is a luxury because even though I don't know what the hell to say back I still would much rather that then these covert backhanded insults or weird word riddles. I realize that when I posted this I wasn't really "stable", and I spilled out a lot more than I wanted to now that I look back on it. I don't really know how to lock posts.

I lied about my age for security reasons, I don't know how that's going to affect people's opinions of me after posting this. Also, I have dealt with a lot of these issues fairly well, it's not breaking me down into nothing like it used to. I'm mostly trying to figure out smaller issues now, why they happen, why people do them. I know that the world requires people to adapt but I also know there are ways to alleviate this stuff, even if a little bit. If I can get a better grasp of a social situation I can learn to weave my way through it. I've seen plenty of people who can "master" this and even if we have a significant disadvantage I still think it's entirely possible to learn, just difficult, especially without pooling together a community's collective knowledge. I could, and have reported these people, but I know it's going to keep happening so I want to learn about their behaviors more specifically, rather than learning how to deal with them on my own internally, though I have been doing both as much as I can.

Almost forgot. I literally attract maladaptive people themselves. I am extremely passive, unless I'm blind to my own behavior entirely. I'm quiet, I don't look for confrontation or aggression from people. But people seem to desire it from me. I've been stuck in a dead relationship with a borderline for months. I've dealt with several sociopaths in my life. Many people seem to know how to escape these relationships eventually, I just keep attracting new ones. I don't know who to trust? How am I supposed to learn to communicate when any random person I talk to could turn into a threat?

Unfortunately, your personality has gotten "tuned" to engage with the wrong crowd. You notice them first, and subtly signal that you are aware of them, but don't agree. If you want to have better relationships, the first filter is to avoid the quarrelsome ones you attract. Look for people unlike them, and try to talk like them. It will feel forced and phony at first, but there's an underlying set of rules to discover and perhaps enjoy. It probably helps to be accomplished at some common interest so you have something to talk about besides purely social engagement.

Hmmm. Do you have some very negative characters in your family, or friends growing up? If that's what you're used to, it can lead to a pattern of unconsciously recreating that sort of relationship with others.

If you're still in high school, and this happens there, it's probably a pretty bad high school. If later, then it is unusual.

Are you particularly tall and strong? Sometimes guys go out of their way to pick a fight with someone they feel to be physically intimidating. Happened to a friend of mine recently, and he's in his forties, the nicest guy you can imagine.

People usually love me.

Just trace the events to when it all started. The answer is usually there. Just remember everybody's connected somehow. It could easily be one person who gathered enough sympathy from others that created a legion of haters against you.