Asocial?

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I just…don't feel connected to people.

I love my family and boyfriend, I feel empathy for others, but I just have a hard time reaching out and interacting, even online. Making friends just doesn't happen for me.

I mean, I do feel lonely. I feel abnormal for how uninterested in others I am and I think I am reaching a scary level of social disconnect. But at the same time I sort of don't care. I don't like most people and I find them overwhelming.

Does anyone else just not have friends or acquaintances?

I'm curious how disinterest in others and maintaining a relationship with your boyfriend work together.
Are you saying you feel lonely even among family & boyfriend? Is it a quality over quantity (of connections) issue?

I don't see much space between boring and scary people. There's only one who I will go out of my way to visit, and we get a couple of hours together per month. Dealing with other people for more than an hour a day tends to ruin my sleep, and then my days. I never bonded with my family, either.

I cut my whole family out of my life & slowly stopped interacting with "friends" because I've never enjoyed the company of others. Even felt a little guilty for not having a good time during family gatherings -- they are seeking a good mood being among friends & family & I've never felt that interested in social interaction. My mother forced me into daycares after school, forced me to attend 2 classmates parties (she didn't force me to do that again after the 2nd one). Don't know why I don't have a good time. Most people are nice enough, some are not. People misunderstand me. They judge me based on their own experiences & understanding of the world. They never experienced the world as I do, so how can they empathize with me if they don't know what it is like to be me.

I do understand them, mostly because of how they tried to force me to participate & observing how they react. For a short time, I tried to mimic their expressions, reactions, emotional outbursts, but it was all fake. Was too uncomfortable, even if I was successful. I'd rather people hate me for being myself (& they do), than to fake my way through life. I was so miserable, suicide was on my mind everyday, & flat out murder would flash in my mind more than is likely normal.

I've been a loner for about 8 years & it has been much better than all of my life combined before. The only time interaction is good for me >> when productive tasks are getting done in a friendly manner. I wish there was a job that required everyone to focus only on the job & not have time to talk about their personal lives or emotions.

I never have any friends other than my girlfriend. Nor do I need any.

I don't regard that as problematic in any way.

But being asocial, when a child at school, results in getting picked-on a lot. Mostly because the cowardly bullies choose victims who are alone, who don't have the protection of a group.

But maybe also partly because some people feel slighted by someone who doesn't need them.

Michael829