Can someone help me with my family situation?

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Masakados
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10 Oct 2017, 10:54 pm

I'm not really sure where to start...
I guess with the main problem at the moment.
My brother is 20 year old, has a job and money, is the vocalist of a band, and everyone in our family loves him and hates us.
About 2 days ago he got into a car accident but miraculously is just fine. All he got was a hurt wrist.
So today he finally decided to move in with us. He bought a bed and everything. He's had a room here for months.
However, all day he's been extremely rude. He said it took a car accident for my mother to accommodate him, even though she pays for an extra room every month and he just didn't want to move in. I tried to explain this to him but he just told me to "F*ck off" and that "he isn't going to listen to someone who cries when his schedule gets messed up". He isn't just like this because of the accident though. He's like this all the time.
I told my mom that she didn't deserve to be disrespected like that and that she should make him live somewhere else (again, he has multiple other places and is 20 years old.) But she says he has to stay here because he's family.
I can't stand it anymore. All day everyday is just my brother being an ignorant twat and my mother being a disrespected pushover. I'm constantly having suicidal thoughts but this is just making is worse. I don't want to live like this anymore. This on top of all my other problems makes life unbearable.



Exuvian
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10 Oct 2017, 11:09 pm

It sounds like your mom is very kind and generous, indeed probably too much so. Would you be able to talk with her about how the situation is affecting you? She feels she should provide for him, but it sounds like he couldn't care less and may be just as well at one of his other places.

Maybe you all can come up with a compromise at least.



Masakados
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10 Oct 2017, 11:15 pm

That's exactly the problem. She doesn't want to talk to him about it because she knows he'll get upset. I've already told her how I feel and everything I've stated here but all she says is he's her child so he'll stay with her.



Exuvian
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10 Oct 2017, 11:43 pm

Hmm, so she's concerned with him being upset, but what about you? Is she afraid of him? I guess this situation is probably stressful for her too then.

Since he was previously living elsewhere before the car accident, is this a temporary arrangement while he heals? Is there someplace you can hang out away from him to get a break every now and then?

Just some thoughts...



thebelgradebelief
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10 Oct 2017, 11:47 pm

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Your mother seems very kind but it's obviously painful for you. If she cares about family, will she listen to how he's affecting you?


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Masakados
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11 Oct 2017, 12:13 am

She listens to me but she doesn't care. Like I said she's a complete pushover to everyone. And he's already healed and is going back to work tomorrow. Like I said all he did was hurt his wrist and knees a little bit. It's nothing serious. He's living here permanently.
I don't really have anywhere to go to get away. I'm extremely agoraphobic so I don't leave the house at all. With him here I just have to listen to him.
I kind of wish he had gotten more hurt in the car accident. He was going 75 mph and ran right into a telephone pole. Maybe a brush with death is what he needs to stop being such a prick.
I'm really depressed as is and he's only making it worse. He always goes on about how HE'S depressed or how HE has anxiety when I have actual mental disorders. The worst part is that everyone takes him more seriously and think I WANT to not leave the house. I'm sick of it. He's the worst. My only saving grace was that he didn't live with us but nope. Of course he has to mess up ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.



Fireblossom
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11 Oct 2017, 2:58 am

Your brother sounds like a brat. I won't say he is one, simply because I don't know him, but he sure sounds like one.

I don't really know what you could do in order to make your situation better, especially since you're so young... do you at least have your own room at home? If you do, is it a place you can be at peace in or does your brother tend to come in without permission? If he does then ask your mother if you could get a lock for the door. The type that can be locked and opened from the inside without a key but needs a key to open it from the outside might be the best option.

Other than that, all I can really say is to try to be patient. Yes, I know it's hard, I really do since I used to be in a similiar situation, but it doesn't sound like there's anything else you can really do. It will get better at some point; either he moves out or you get the chance to do so, which ever comes first.