Do I have Aspergers ? (some "specialists" say I don't)

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hi everyone ! I'm Weirdperson75000, a new member !

First of all, please excuse my English, I'm not a native English speaking person. I apologize in advance for this long post but I really need your help.

I always felt I was different and was always considered as a "weirdo". As a consequence, in 2009 (I was 17 years old), I went to the nearest “Autism center” (a center with psychologists, speech therapists, etc specialized in autism) because some symptoms made me think that I might be on the spectrum:
- I naturally walk like a robot (or a soldier)
- I naturally have an expressionless face
- I have a pretty monotone voice
- I have a hard time looking people in the eyes (I do not realize it, but I've had a lot of comments about it)
- I am very clumsy
- I am very, very anxious.
- I stim a lot: when I feel excited, I flap my hands or I rock even when there are people around me (in the street, in the classroom, etc).
- I have a very obsessive personality (especially when I was a kid): I had special interests and I read everything I could about it and I was basically only talking about it. Even now, I am able to spend whole nights not sleeping to learn about a specific topic and I often eat the same thing every day and listen to the same songs over and over again.
- I have always had very bad social skills. I was severely bullied in middle school and high school. I don't know how to approach people (I have already had friends though). I am very, very naive and I can’t determine if a person is nice or not.
- For a long time, I was practically unable to lie
- I suffer from “face blindness”: I can talk to somebody and fail to recognize him the day after. (this is very incapacitating)

So, in 2009, I went trough a battery of tests to determine if I was suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome (videotaped interviews with a psychologist, IQ test, face emotion identification tests, etc.). They eventually refused to diagnose me with Aspergers Syndrome and told me that I was suffering from "generalized anxiety” associated with a high IQ (and a very high working memory). here’s why they did not diagnose me with Asperger’s syndrome:
- They have actually noticed a lack of empathy. I was 17 years old at this time and had a 13 year old teenager’s empathy. But according to them, this “gap” was not wide enough to diagnose me with Asperger’s syndrome.
- Although I had difficulties recognizing emotions on children's faces (they put it down to tiredness), I actually scored better than the average in recognizing emotions on adults’ faces.
- During the videotaped interviews, I didn’t stim and I was fully able to answer their questions and to follow their instructions (which was at variance with the very obsessive and self-centered personality associated with Asperger’s syndrome).

Even though I didn’t agree with the “stimming part” (The interview was recorded and I knew it, so it made me very inhibited and unable to stim), I actually did agree with this diagnosis : generalized anxiety could easily explain my difficulties (Indeed, my lack of social skills could be explained by my isolation due to my social anxiety). Besides, the results of the face emotion identification tests were really contradictory with an Asperger’s syndrome diagnosis, and I love to watch funny TV shows (and that doesn’t fit the typical depiction of an Aspie).

But I have had serious doubts lately regarding this diagnosis. I have seen several psychologists in order to solve my social anxiety and two of them asserted that I was suffering from a mild case of Asperger’s syndrome in addition to my social anxiety (and I didn’t say a word about Asperger’s). Two years ago, I watched an stunning documentary about high-functioning autism and even people with a severe case of Asperger’s syndrome could actually joke, talk with journalists (and not only about their special interests).
Moreover, no matter how hard I try, my social skills are still lacking (for instance, I’ve never kissed a girl and I’m 25 yo) and social anxiety simply can’t explain hand flapping, face blindness, social blunders, inability to have normal conversation skills (my brother said “you only talk about you or your special interests” ), etc.
Last week, my aunt, who have already worked with autistic people, told my mother she was pretty sure I have Aspergers.

Hence my question: in your opinion, have these autism specialists wrongly diagnosed me in 2009? Am I an aspie? If so, why would have these doctors made such a mistake?

Thank you !

Well it does sound to me like you have Asperger's, but that's just one person's opinion. As for the reason why the doctors might have diagnosed you wrong in the past, well, everyone makes mistakes, especially with things like these where you need to look for lot of different symptoms instead of just finding one thing that would make it sure.

If you think that an official diagnosis would bring you peace of mind or could help you to get proper help, then you should speak to doctors more and see if you can get one.

With no actual context or knowing you, the answer is most likley. But why do you need an offical diagnosis? Aside from maybe having closure, is there another reason.
One the reasons they may have rejected you is that you are self sufficient, although you meet the criteria, you fall into a independent lifestyle which does not require intervention from an angency. Many people may need social workers, for wprkplace and independent living situations.
The best advice I can give is to work on your anxiety which it sounds like you are.f

Everybody has a right to a second opinion. If possible I would not go to the same place.

Nothing you wrote indicates you are not on the spectrum.

Welcome to wrong planet.

Not recognizing faces the next day is a b***h.

1. My opinion is invalid, i am not trained nor skilled to diagnose or even accurately know if a person is autistic or not. i am just a person with autism.

i do know that a person can have a biased when it comes to self diagnoses. if they really BELIEVE they have a disorder then thats ALL the person will see. broaden your view.

the specialist that has evaluated you probably has seen hundreds of autistic people. they KNOW what an autistic person is, thats their job to know! that being said, misdiagnoses can happen. i even got it myself once or twice, and it happens a lot the more high functioning a person is.

if you really want a diagnoses, talk to a specialist, get a second opinion. dont ask strangers on the internet just so it will satisfy your own confirmation biased.

I was told I "probably don't have AS" when I were 17 but I got an official diagnosis when I were 25, by different doctor. So it doesn't hurt to try again, if you feel like you need the diagnosis.

But to be honest 3 years had passed and I start questioning my diagnosis. I certainly have something that involves poor social skills, odd focus and prosopagnosia but my INTP personality makes me loathe routine, especially now, when I can actually decide by myself and when I have what to choose from. I did have a routine and I hated to have it broken when I were living with abusive parents, in a small city, having nothing but a computer as companion. But right now I am happy not knowing what I will be doing 10 mins from now(although I still keep my evening 2-3h long routine).
However it was the AS diagnosis(+ depression and anxiety) - and disability pension related to it - that let me reach the current life. If I didn't have my own money I would still be living there, waiting for death. With the benefits I am improving, my social skills are getting better and I start to hope to get some job in the future which seemed like an impossibility for me.

Perhaps all you need is also some change of environment and life conditions?

I came at this from the other direction.. I scored highly on autism tests and my GP said she would be surprised if I didn't have autism, so I went for a diagnosis fairly blase, and was quite shocked when I learned I was 'clearly' autistic, and it took me months to accept.. I recognised some of the issues but have spent my life 'masking' them, but over the months and re-examining aspects of life and behaviour, combined with co-morbid conditions, and having a sibling with ASD, I've had to accept that I have aspergers... people say I don't look it.. and I had to do some un-programming

The psychologist I saw had 45 years experience with MH and IIRC 25 specifically with autism, and said some rather profound things during my diagnosis which helped me understand this view..

But not everyone with some facets meet the criteria.. and I think it's important to understand that autism is distinguishable from other 'personality' issues, which might seem to overlap.. and autism is a neurological thing that is measurable in terms of stuff like pupil dilation, heartrate at rest, and if we were to take slices of the brain the composition is slightly different with more neurons etc.. What I'm saying is.. really.. there is crossover symptoms, but you either are or you aren't...

Focusing on certain specific attributes probably isn't that helpful. People can flap their arms for different reasons, or have meltdowns etc. In autism the main four core diagnostic areas are; and these would necessarily be of significant impairment so you'll have a life history of difficulties in these areas :

1. Social communication
2. Social interaction
3. Flexibility of thought
4. Unusual sensory experience

Nobody can diagnose over the internet.

You can seek a second opinion, but as always don't chase a diagnosis. You might find somebody who is happy to label you whatever you want them to, but does that really help? ADHD also has some features in common, so you might not want to assume based on casual remarks without a full diagnostic.

You might probe yourself some of the following questions.

Do you have any co-morbid conditions? They are extremely common. I have serious abdominal pains, intestinal issues, often tachycardic. Others commonly have IBS, IBD, chrons, the list goes on.

Is there a history of ASD in your family? The genetic basis is very strong. If you have a family member with ASD, the probability of you having it increases, and conversely.

How pronounced are your social difficulties? Have you a dire employment history, schooling history, do you feel you need to escape social situations, does talking to someone at checkout stress you out, but not being of a 'shyness' thing but because your working to scripts, and expending tons of energy 'managing' your interaction? Do you feel that you are operating socially on a cognitive level, rather than intuitive. Do you find yourself needing to correct people when they say something incorrect.. getting into arguments.. being abrupt. Do you get flight or fight responses in mundane situations.

What sensory issues do you have? I posted another overly long post about my sensory issues here does any of this chime with you viewtopic.php?t=355587&start=30

Flexibility of thought - with respect to special interests, or patterns of behaviour you find yourself repeating, does it cause you anxiety if you are prevented from engaging with those behaviours? To give an example, I listen repetitively to a couple of music cds, and prank radio calls when going to sleep. It ANNOYS me that I will not just go to sleep in silence and I get worse quality of sleep, but my brain is basically 'fused' in various aspects of behaviour, and deviating from that literally induces anxiety, no matter how stupid it might seem.. so yeah special interests sure but do you maybe have ritualistic behaviour and OCD

We can't know whether or not you have ASD just from your post. Even a psychologist specialising in ASD can't determine whether you have ASD based on what you write. We can only speculate.

The symptoms you describe are collectively associated with ASD. However, this does not mean that you MUST have ASD and therefore any 'specialist' who says otherwise is wrong. Many other disorders (especially associated with anxiety) have similar symptoms. For example, anxiety can cause people to stim (trying to calm themselves), move stiffly and clumsily, and have difficulties engaging in 'normal' social interaction because of their anxiety. Conducting a face-to-face interview can allow the psychologist to differentiate between ASD and other disorders.

That said, medical professionals are not always right, and it is possible that you were misdiagnosed.

However, I'm curious: Why do you seem to want to be diagnosed with ASD?

Obviously, we on the Internet cannot "diagnose" you.

But my impression is that it is "possible" that you are on the Spectrum.

As others stated, get a second opinion.

This is such a great post, it really is. I also came from your side with diagnosis. It had never occurred to me I might be autistic. I just knew all my life I felt like I never fit in, was always anxious and depressed lthough I never sought help for it til in my 30s when I started to fear for myself because of how I was reacting and behaving when I couldn't stick to routines and things like that. It got to the point where I just couldn't carry on. First time I couldn't stop crying, was rocking and wanted to bash my head against the wall. I'd spent days holed up in my room obsessing over work rotas, my routines and rituals. I knew something wasn't right and I needed help so I saw a GP that afternoon. This was in 2015 - she said she thought I had OCD, anxiety and possibly a little deprssion but she wasn't sure about that. So, 2016 rocks up and feels like the worst year ever. By June I just can't carry on and on the advice of my friends I go to the GP who kind of chuckles when I say I just can't cope with life and I don't know what is wrong with me. He tells me I'm depressed, puts me on meds and I end up off work for 4 months. I need longer but I'm not getting sick pay so have to go back. But I still cannot work my full time hours, carry out all my duties, I am still breaking down in work and generally a mess. It gets to the point again like in 2016 where I can't really speak or function in work and my mood is horrendously low, I literally can't talk or do anything, or deal with patients. So occy health tell me I'm not fit for work and must go off sick. This was seven months ago and there is no sign of me going back. In the meantime my GP sent me to a psychiatrist telling me he needs to review my medication and that I'm a "troubled soul" so I agree. When I get to outpatient mental health and they triage me they tell me the GP refererred me because he thinks I have autism and that they would agree and would I like to go to see the specialist and get an official diagnosis. So I agree, fill out a load of questionnaires, attend sessions with psychologists and mental health nurse, as do my parents. It turns out that yes I do have ASD and afterwards the nurse said she was pretty sure I had it as soon as she met me and asked me the first question about why I was there and what I hoped to get out of it.

Sorry for the long post. I just wanted to give my experience. I think once autism was mentioned and I read up on it it was like I was reading books and stories about my own life. i felt like there was a reason for everything and how s**t my life has been. In waiting for the assessment I was probably chasing a diagnosis because I was at the end of my tether, needed help as the depression didn't seem to be lifting and I was getting no better in any way shape or form. I hoped diagnosis would be the end to my problems and everything would fall into place. Little did I know it was just the beginning really and it does not solve everything (or much at all really). So be prepared for that. i think it has helped me accept myself and the way I am and be kinder to myself in some ways because I now know that certain things aren't my fault and I can't help it. But many people still will not understand it or you because what they see and what they think they no does not tally up. So just be prepared for that. Anyway, I wish you luck OP. From what you say it does sound like Asperger's but as someone said, it is not just having the traits, it is the associated impairment. I feel like I am impaired in every which way. It affects my job and work (in that I really can't manage and haven't been able to in a long time) and it affects my friendships and relationships because I think being brutally honest many people find me hard work and draining, and abrupt and stand offish and I've even heard that some of my colleagues think I'm better than them. My boss has even told me that and that nobody knows me. Even my (ex)boyfriend told me just the other week before we broke up that he "doesn't know me". I get told that a lot by people but I will never understand because as far as I know, they do know me. How can they not.
But anyway, I got sidetracked. I'm just trying to say that like someone else said their are significant and lifelong impairments too, not just the traits. Best of luck

I sort of felt the same way when Asperger's came to the fore in the early 90s.

I was classically autistic until about age 5, then I became a kid with "brain damage" after I started speaking at age 5 1/2. Yet who did okay academically (yet bad behaviorally).

I was totally oblivious to social cues, and to such things as sarcasm. I was the type to monologue about subjects that people weren't interested in. I was a moving target--the type of kid who other kids stuck "kick me" on my butt so other kids would kick me on my butt. I was given lots of "wedgies," too. I was the classic "victim." I am fortunate that I never got beaten up severely; though I did tear some kid's wrist ligaments after he wanted to shake hands after following me around calling me "ret*d."

Fortunately, I learned from my mistakes. I was determined, during senior year in high school, that I would never get bullied again. I succeeded for the most part.

I got an ideal "Aspie" job (data entry for the NYC government), and am still at the job I started when I was 19 in 1980. I am the "office eccentric," so I'm "exempt" from having to participate fully in the social whirl at the office.

Around the early 1990s, Asperger's Syndrome came to the fore. I said to myself: that's me! LOL

And here I am today.

As different as we "Aspies" are misdiagnosis, confusion, despair than when reading about ASD and thinking was this person following me around my whole life are common experiences.