Do Some of Your Behaviours Contradict Your Traits?

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An example of one of mine is that, despite having a knack for problem solving, I, continuously, burn bridges between myself and others. I inevitably do or say something that will result in ending/severing the connection between me and the other person (a pattern of which I wish to stop). I was wondering if others notice contradictions such as this, or, of any kind at all, within themselves.

I suppose, another is my need for direct communication from others, and the difficulty I can experience with being direct or explicit.

Whatever is wrong with me causes me to appear to be a walking contradiction.

People say I'm driven and that I work hard. Yet, I have a significant problem with procrastination and making decisions.

I absolutely hate gossip. Yet, I will talk about others from time to time so that I can get some insight into why they do what they do.

Even though I am uptight, edgy and anxious, I am too lazy to get a job

There are people who have told me that I'm a caring, thoughtful person with strong empathy. They've told me that I've come a long way since my diagnoses. But I'm really full of bitterness, anger and hatred, and it's only because of my parents that I'm not lying in a ditch somewhere. I've been told that I'm bright and intelligent, but I can barely do math and I couldn't tell time, had trouble distinguishing left and right, or tie my own shoes until I was around ten.

I'm stoic and level headed in a crisis. For example, a few months ago I broke a glass and cut my right hand severely only a few hours before I was due to travel to the airport for an international flight - I was calm enough to disinfect the wound, take a photo of the glass to send a complaint to the manufacturer, contact the airline on my way to the hospital, and pack both myself and the friend who drove me an overnight bag using only my left hand.

When I'm not in crisis mode, I still get stressed extremely easily from things as trivial as talking to family or friends on the phone. I still have trouble sleeping from worrying that I've done or said the wrong thing to someone I care about. I still get anxious if I don't have enough time to prepare myself mentally before leaving the house.

I care, yet I don't want to... I wanna be cruel, yet my conscience is too strong for that to happen. When I speak the truth, it came out suspicious. I'm too trusting, and I have trust issues.
I'm calm and shy -- nope, I'm moody and violent. I'm too serious and stoic with pride on the line -- not really, I'm a walking trigger happy joke who felt like doing it shamelessly.
I'd want people to trust me, yet I don't want them to rely and expect things from me. I deem every everything as insignificant, but I'm taking more than most people could or would.

And so many, many others. I won't bother writing more.

Whatever. I'm mostly a walking dichotomous contradiction. Been like that ever since as a child, and been described as such.

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Even though I do not go to work or school I go to bed 9 pm and wake up 5am. To loiter and panhandle. Going to bed earlier minimizes gorging. Emotionally i feel better going to bed earlier

While I am too weak and lazy to do much of anything, I get bored of not doing anything

I love giving advice to others but I can't follow my own advice and I get anxious when I receive one from others.
I am outgoing and talkative one moment and confused and mute the next.
I am easily tired and I can't imagine having a job that keeps me prisoned for 8h a day but I am capable of working for 16h straight without realizing the pass of time (I can barely function for the following 1-2 days though).
I look shy one moment and bold the next.
I am fearful and brave.
I am weak and strong.
I am smart and clueless.

I don't really want friends but I'm scared of being alone.

We're brave to face our fears.

My loudness when I have a meltdown contradicts my quiet nature. When I get mad, I can be blunt and rude, which contradicts the fact that I'm usually kind, polite, and tactful. I think of myself as a really emotional person, but in some situations, like ones not involving direct harm to me, I have little emotional reaction.