I'm finally finished with myself, as is my mother.

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I can't keep going on.
Today was my SECOND day of school and I couldn't make myself go. I can never and probably will never be able to make myself go.
My mother got extremely upset with me. She said I need to force myself but I can't. I thought I would be able to. I really did. But I can't.
We got into a fight. She said the only person who can help me is myself, but all I could tell her was I couldn't. I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't. It seems to be all I can think anymore. I know that I truly feel that way but it frustrates me to no extent.
Am I just lazy? Is everything really just my fault? I really don't know anymore.
I know I need extensive therapy but we don't have the money for it.
I know I need an evaluation but we don't have the money.
I asked my mother if she could talk to the local mhmr but she doesn't think it will help.
I asked her if I could go to a psychiatric hospital just so I would be out of everyone's way but once again she refused. I don't know what to do.
It seems like I've made the same post so many times but it never matters.
Do I need to accept that truly no one will ever help me? I only ever get worse.
Is there nowhere I could go myself that someone would help me just because I need it? Somewhere I could go to never bother anyone again?
The only answer I can conclude is death.

Schools have counselors.

Homeschooling

What is preventing you from going to school?

Do you feel anxious in class? What do you fear in class?

Your mother is right in that respect: many times, the only person who could help you is YOU.

She should probably listen to you more, though.

You have to do something about this, my friend. It can't continue this way.

You seem like a smart guy; why couldn't you do the work in homeschooling?

You need therapy---but you also need to help yourself, too.

I know school is a grind, and it's this and it's that.

But you need that diploma in order to succeed in life.

The mental health systems sucks here. They really don't care about us.

I'll be honest, that "the only person who can help you is you" line is completely trite and just wrong. It might work in certain contexts, but that's certainly not how it is when you're a kid. My mom fed my older sister that line for years, and you know what? She dropped out of high school. Kids just don't know how to help themselves - that's practically the definition of youth. It takes a developed mind to navigate life and responsibilities. You need an adult in your life who can act as a support and guide when you reach a crisis like this. If you haven't tried your counselor yet, I'd say give it a shot. Ask if you might have the option of taking time-outs during the school day. I know that plenty of schools offer that for students who need it.
Getting into a new routine is definitely tough, but it's only your second day, right? I wouldn't aim for school five days a week right off, maybe aim to go every other day, every third day, even. I don't think it's fair of your mom or your school to expect you to adapt just like that. Take today as a breather. Don't feel guilty that you couldn't go, because you know that you genuinely can't today. I get those doubts, too. But don't feel too discouraged over the future.
Maybe if you manage tomorrow, or the next day, you'll find coping methods that work for you. Find small regularities in your school days. Always sit in the same seat. Always have the same thing for lunch. Follow the same routine every morning before leaving. I pat my dog on the head three times before I leave the house, every time. And I listen to the same podcast on the way to my destination. Little things like that can be a huge comfort when you're shifting into something new. If homeschooling is absolutely not an option, take this route. Dealing with neurological problems without a good adult to help is incredibly difficult, but even if you can't simply adapt on your own, you can find small ways to make it easier.

I was on my own for the first time when I was 13. Couldn't deal with drama at home. Wouldn't take the meds anymore. Could find no compromise.
It's a hell of a hard life. And I really wouldn't recommend it unless there's a real issue of safety for you. It may seem like there are no options, but you may have more than you think. And no matter where you go, you're still there. So you'll still have to deal with you. Just don't let go, and eventually it will feel better again.
Sometimes I have to go all the way down, like walking down the street wondering if anyone would even notice if I died kind of down, before something picks me back up again. It's always just a little thing. Some tiny flower poking out of a crack in the sidewalk that I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't so depressed that I had my head hanging.
What are your grades like? Have you ever thought about taking a ged test?

When I was 13 I started having bad panic attacks every single day at school, I consequently developed depression and severe anxiety and had a block with everything to do with school. Ever.

It came to October and I couldn’t make myself get to school, my parents got really frustrated and upset with me but I just couldn’t make myself go in. I stayed in bed pretty much every day for 3 months and so I started home tutoring. I got it through my local authority (so it was free) and I was taught at home for 7 months which brought me to my GCSEs.

I found that (as cheesy as it is) taking every day - if not hour - as it comes, rewarding myself as I achieved small things like tidying my room or going to one lesson. I sat down with my parents and told them exactly what was going on and how hard normal life was for me. My parents went into school and talked to the head of my year and we set up a study plan that allowed me to get into any lessons I wanted but allowed me to have work at home as well.

Working with the situation is better than fighting it, because that didn’t get me anywhere.

Where I grew up, in Illinois, they had an alternative high school. Independant learning, work at your own pace thing. It was through the public school system, so it didn't cost anything (that I'm aware of). Very small class sizes, as much or as little interaction with the teacher as the students required. I think you just didn't even have to show up more than once or twice a week as long as you were doing your work. I didn't get to go to it, I enrolled there but I was underage and homeless and the police were waiting for me on my second or third day, so I never went back. A friend of mine went there, though, and it went really well for her. I think she graduated a year early and was able to develop independent learning skills enough that she's got a bunch of degrees now.
You may look into something like that.
A few posts back, you say something like "everyone else focuses on what I can't do..."
I've felt that a lot, and get stuck in the loop of trying to explain how difficult it is to do some things. When I'm in a situation like that, I have to remind myself not to think of can't. Maybe won't, or don't, or have such great difficulty that it really seems like can't. Maybe it actually is can't (math is so hard for me in ways that I can't describe that it really feels more accurate and just easier to say that I can't do math). Remember those people care about you, they're doing and saying all of that in an effort to help. It can get really, really frustrating in the moment. Can really be overwhelming and seem counterproductive. But they do care or they wouldn't bother trying to say anything, let alone argue.
It's something I have to work on, is the only reason I bring it up. And it gets easier to remember and to recognize. It might not actually help. But they are trying.

What your mom said only works some of the time and is not necessarily true with you. Teens like you and me will need mentors to help guide them, and it’s not always possible for you to help yourself in life. It is partially true, though, as I’ve heard that quote one too many times by my therapists.

I wish access to mental health care was easier. My mental health services are not covered by some insurance companies anymore, and this upsets me.

You should look for other autistic teens for help. Hopefully you will find someone you can trust. Maybe finding a support group could help.

And the people who do live with mental illness get sent away because their parents don't want to take care of them.