Is it fair?

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One of the greatest disagreements I have with people around me is that, when somebody takes any sort of advantage on me (say it's about taking money, make me feel ashamed, etc.), it's because I simply "let" them do it - as if it was something I consciously let happen.

Is it fair? From my ASD/sick/weird/strange/whatever point of view, I don't think so.

Yes, I have been told that many times. That I "let" somebody take advantage of me or make me feel bad in a particular way. Something that I have NEVER understood. Like I could have prevented them from doing it? If so nobody has ever gone to the trouble to explain how.

I'm not sure what "fair" has to do with it, but it's definitely wrong.

ASD or not, people shouldn't be using mind tricks to make people feel bad or take advantage of anyone. You want something from someone? Have the decency to ask for it instead of trying to manipulate him or her.

Sure I do agree with you, but I guess you know how these things are out there, on daily life and daily affairs... We don't need to understand what just happened, but we need to "accept" we are guilty, no matter what reason.

One must be lucky enough to meet people really interested in protect us from bad influences and opportunistic friends.

That sounds like so many conversations I've had with people, that I "let" them get to me. This is one of the top things that makes me disappointed with people, that they would rather blame the victim than the attacker.

For many people, "fair" is what they can get away with. They expect you to cheat elsewhere to balance it out, if you are fit for life. Try to hang out with those who appreciate virtue instead. A real friend will sometimes take less than you offer them for something. People who treat life as a game will start by asking for double.

I've been in that conversation many times--others telling me I need to be more assertive and not let people take advantage of me. Of course, when you are assertive later with those who've given that advice, they really don't like it.

That's a classic problem. When you change, everyone has to adjust, so there is push back, as well as lack of confidence and experience. Don't get flustered - try to imitate the great diplomats, who can deliver devastating messages while still sounding friendly and reasonable.

I'm going to assume this is people close to you who say these things, when other people take advantage, so correct me if I'm wrong. My Dad does this to me a lot but it's not because I'm Aspie, he lectures me on being too soft because he's frustrated and wants to make things better BUT he knows he can't stop people trying to take advantage, there are a lot of not very nice people out there, so he tries to make me more suspicious/tougher because that seems more possible to him, not because he thinks it's fair. He also does this to my sister, who is NT and my Mum (NT). Both my Mum and step-Dad do it too, it's a sign they care but at the time it makes me feel that they are saying it's my fault for being week/stupid. They have always done this but I've only recently been diagnosed as ASD.

Trust is what makes the world go around, without it there is no society, we all rely on it. People who break that trust often think they are being clever, but it's very easy to take advantage of people, it's important not to forget that most people are trustworthy most of the time. otherwise our lives would be ruined by our own fears.

I don't feel this advice is bad advice, necessarily--though it could come off as being cynical, and in the spirit of discouraging one from performing good deeds for others.

I don't feel one "has it coming" when one takes advantage of somebody. That's "blaming the victim."

Nevertheless, one should take steps to avoid, as much as possible, being taken advantage of in the future. We all have an inborn dignity as people. We should not let others make us our doormats and punching bags.

This.

They mean "be aware" that they are hustling you (most folks supposedly see the warning signs), and then stop it (stop interacting with them or whatever).

My therapist told me this in high school. Seriously? Do kids let adults take advantage of them and let them sexually abuse them? Would an adult tell an abuse victim that they let their abuser abuse them? That they let them touch them there and let them make them do gross things with them? So why tell someone with a disability they let someone take advantage of them? Sounds like more victim blaming here.