Autistic Guy On The Bus

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I’m sorry the subject line sucks. I couldn’t think how to summarize this real quickly.

I take the buses for people with disabilities, and there is this autistic guy on the bus sometimes. He'll often make small talk with the driver or passengers, usually about the weather or the seasons.

Here's the thing though. Sometimes because of his volume or rhythm, I can't tell if he's actually trying to start a conversation or if he wants to have a monologue for some reason. I'm a very direct person, so my first instinct is to just ask, or if I'm in the middle of something and can't talk, to just say so. But I'm wondering if doing that would be like calling someone out on something private. Thoughts?


Oh one more thing: I’m blind, so it’s not like I could tell if he was trying to make eye contact with me or someone else.

I once saw a man on the bus and he was talking about libraries and asking questions about it. Reminded me of when I was in 5th and 6th grade when I would ask about London and ask questions about it. I wondered if the man was autistic because of his fixation about libraries and an elderly woman was talking to him answering his questions. My husband wondered the same too. The man did no eye contact either and he was just looking in front of him.

I feel like I've always had this sixth sense to detect other autistics or siblings. A guy in one of my art classes, my roommate last year, or other people I know it's easier for me to look into their eyes, much more so than anybody else. I still can't make complete eye contact, and when I do meet eyes, they are not looking at me half the time either. A girl in a media law class I could make partial eye contact with; I later learned she has an autistic brother.

LeagueGirl, in your case, it seems like the guy wasn't trying to make conversation with you, so you could just observe. I'm trying to figure out whether the guy on my bus is trying to make conversation. Sometimes it's obvious, but sometimes, he's talking quietly or for an extended period of time so that I wonder if he's talking to us.

BeggingTurtle, interesting, the way you pick out people with autistic traits by looking into their eyes. As a blind person, I find the whole concept of eye contact amazing because I haven't experienced it.

Hi DB4! I think your instinct to simply 'ask' him is quite reasonable, and I would go with that, if I were you. If I understand your concern, correctly, I think I can relate to why you would hesitate, as I imagine I might worry I could come across as being presumptuous, or something similar, if I were to ask.

^My concern is when it sounds like he might be talking to himself and not trying to talk to us. If that's really what he's doing at times, then my concern is that I might embarass him by asking.

Why do you think that eye contact is easier with someone on the spectrum? What vibe do you get or not get ? If it's an anxiety thing what makes the anxiety dissipate.
I still can't pinpoint why I find eye contact uncomfortable or uncomfortable after a certain amount of time has elapsed - some part of me just tells me - too much eye contact , look away. The more I think about it the worse it gets.

I'm very similar. It's as though there's a little voice in my head that's giving me directions: You're looking for too long, glance away, nod your head to confirm that you're still listening, look back, raise your eyebrows and react appropriately, look a while longer, you're looking for too long, glance up as if in thought, hum, look back... etc etc etc.

I studied theatre for close to 8 years so I think that may play a role in it. I'm so used to acting that acting is my default state of existence. I only let it drop when I'm too tired to maintain it, and even then I only do it when I'm alone or with one other person I trust.

I sense that it is his way of trying to connect with people.

Autistic people often have a problem with the volume of their speech. Sometimes, people think I talk too loud,

I don't really know honestly. I guess when I always look are somebody, I can never "read" them the way NTs can. With the autistics I know, I can do it with confidence. I've dated one person and always felt her emotions were veiled in some way. I don't feel safe making eye contact and not being able to read somebody completely.

Ah, I see. You mentioned your concern with ‘possibly calling him out with something private’, so, perhaps that’s where I misunderstood you. I’m not sure, but, likely I would simply, listen or, interject my own thoughts pertaining to the topic, if it was something I’d also enjoy conversing about.

Last edited by Britte on 13 Nov 2017, 11:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would just let the guy talk. If he wanted to be my friend, then I might start telling him to try not to speak so loud.

Most people need a friend.

Yes, I meant that on the occasions when he‘s talking quietly and not waiting for a response, he might be having a private monologue that I could call him out on if I directly ask, "Are you talking to us?" Maybe just asking a question or making a comment about what he says, when he's done, is the best way. In case he really does want to have a conversation, he wouldn't walk away like, "Hey, why did they ignore me?" That's my concern: doing or saying the wrong thing, either through silence or by calling attention to him talking to himself.



It’s sort of the opposite. When he’s talking loudly enough to be heard over the bus, then it’s usually clearer that he‘s starting a conversation with us. It's an unusual sort of conversation though, because he'll talk quite a bit about the weather or seasons, maybe ask a question, but the conversation doesn't flow easily back and forth. I'm not sure how to change this, or if I should even try.

Be friends first. Regardless of where he is, just ask to be his friend and be house friend before you ask.

Thanks.