Sudden change of plan.

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A person living with me in this supported housing got up an hour ago, and told me that she would stay at home today as the weather was bad.

Twenty minutes ago, her friend called.

Ten minutes ago, she said she said because her friend invited her around to her house, she changed her mind and decided to go out.

How on Earth can she do that??? If someone called me suddenly and asked me to change my whole day's plans, just like that, I would shout at them and refuse to leave the house, the change of plan would be far too traumatic.

I cannot stand changes of plan. Do you feel that way?

Going out to go out is another matter, than going out to meet a friend.

I most certainly do-when someone changes things at literally the last minute-it happened just recently and it was another person on the spectrum-after I had been looking forward to the plans that were made-I didn't say a word and just felt like I must have done something wrong-I felt real bad that I had rushed and wanted to get to where I was going to follow through with the plans that were made and just like that-nothing--I just feel like when that happens no matter what the reason it has to be my fault.

I don't like leaving my house.

I'm usually OK with change of plans, unless it's changed for the worse. Like I have to do chores instead of having fun, or deal with unpleasant issues instead of relaxing. If the change doesn't affect where they stand on my like/dislike scale then it doesn't bother me much. It's actually easier for me to make up plans as I go rather than planning ahead.

* I grew up with a family that change their minds all the time and it's really rather annoying. (We rarely manage to leave home before noon on a weekend outing, due to all the arguments and changing of minds.) I think I developed high tolerance for fickle and unreasonable behaviors.

http://autism.lovetoknow.com/Adult_Autism_Symptoms

Need for Routine
For autistic individuals of any age, there are a lot of unknowns in the world. Many social and communication skills others take for granted are mysterious to those on the spectrum. One way to provide comfort and predictability is to rely on routines.

In autistic adults, this need for routine can take many forms:

Dislike of travel
Refusal to try new foods or restaurants
Following the same schedule every day
Feeling great discomfort when you need to deviate from your routine
Difficulty changing plans
Following the same route to get from one place to another
++++++++++++++++++++++

I have a hard time with travel because I need to know every variable so I know what to expect. It causes me great anxiety to go somewhere that I do not know, and even to places I go that I do know I get extremely stressed out in packing. The idea of forgetting something or not having something that I need when I'm away is extremely distressing. I have to plan with directions to get everywhere because my sense of geography is terrible and get lost quite easily. Very very difficult for me to enjoy travel. I usually enjoy the trip most when the trip is over.

I have a hard time making executive decisions with food. I do tend to buy the same things in the supermarket and go to the same supermarket. I get nervous and tend to avoid buying something new unless I plan for it and need it for a specific reason. When ordering in a restaurant I prefer to have someone else choose for me because I start getting upset that I chose the wrong item, and that the other one was probably better. It makes enjoying anything difficult. I don't mind trying something new, I just don't want to try something new to the exclusion of something that I already know I like.

I am not particularly rigid with my schedule but I do get unhinged if not everything that needs to be done gets done by a certain time. I do not have too much trouble changing my routines. I do not however like unexpected visits by people and I get very nervous if anyone is in my home that I do not know. If I have to talk to a friend about something important then I don't keep track of time. If it's a pointless visit then I keep wondering when they are going to leave.

I am terrible with changing plans. I tend to put a lot of effort into making plans and then looking forward to seeing them through. If one thing changes and I have to reschedule that is almost cataclysmic. Even if the boss I work for changes his travel plans and I have to rebook everything, I get extremely upset and angry. However, if the plan that has changed required me to do something very uncomfortable then I do feel relief, as long as I don't have to reschedule it. Making plans is like a puzzle, or a house of cards. One thing changes then the rest fall down.

I always walk the same route. I tend to get lost way too easily and this causes extreme anxiety. Only very recently I took a chance and tried to get home a different way (walking) and it worked out--I was very proud of myself! But I certainly am not adventurous or confident in my navigational skills.

For me it depends on the change of plan but I usually get upset by it. I have no problem with traveling and I am always open to doing anything because it gives me something to do and I like going to new places to explore. I also change my own plans sometimes when I all of a sudden see something and decide to stop there. I seem fine if people ask me for my permission to do something outside of our plans. But sometimes I am resistant. When my nutritionist had to cancel coming over a few times because she had a meeting or another class, I didn't mind the sudden change because I got to be on the computer instead of forcing myself to be off it. So some sudden change of plans I like if it's something I like because I get to do something I like or because I don't have to do something I don't like.

One thing you might try is to do is rebuild mental order around the change. Go to a quiet place, calm down, re-imagine a new order that includes the change.

If the sudden change of plan is good, I'm happy with it.

If it involves somebody canceling previous social plans at the last minute,
I consider that highly rude.

The problem I have there is that arriving at that mental order takes so long, and brings out the worst of my indecisiveness and procrastination. Making the "plan" takes endless re-visits and adjustments because I am always convinced that I will have missed something vital. If I have to spend several hours in an evening to prepare for tomorrow, it is not ideal but it can be done. To come up with a new plan on-the-fly with added time pressures, even in an ideal environment, is very challenging!

For routine things like buying food, it is more bearable. I can avoid all of the time wasted on the planning by simply having a small number of "ready-made" plans that I do exactly the same every time - and I will make one of them a "plan B" in case my first choice isn't possible. But for any kind of "one-off" event, I really, really only want to go through all of the indecision and procrastination once at the most, as it is so time-consuming and exhausting.