Locked Within

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People usually end up saying that I look like I am a too reserved person, like I was locked inside my self and highly selective about what I share with others. They also say I am weird, and many other similar words.
The reason for this, they say, is that because I don't share my feelings and my ideas.
Frankly speaking, I am calm, I tend to speak less and I like to think before talking. And, honestly, many of my opinions aren't necessary. I don't spend time putting more words in daily conversations, I prioritize thoughtfulness over unnecessary conversation from my side.
The problem is: in the end, I don't talk much when it's not logical to do so.

Can you share you thoughts and help me to understand it more?

I can fully relate to what you've experienced. I don't talk much either for lots of different reasons in different scenarios. I prefer to listen to what people say, then take it away with me, digest it and come to a conclusion later.

But people don't like that. They often seem to be suspicious of people who don't talk. I think that's partly because if someone isn't talking then they're not getting feedback on what they're saying so they don't know how they're being experienced and that makes them feel vulnerable. And who wants to be around someone that makes them feel vulnerable?

I've had people react quite badly to my silence, it can really upset some people. They seem to think I'm sat there silently judging them in some way. That's not always incorrect, but it is incorrect a lot of the time. It may just be that I don't have anything to say, or I think that anything I did have to say would be so obvious it wasn't worth saying. Sometimes my mind is just blank and I'm absorbing information.

I don't have any solutions. It just makes it harder to get past the early point of relationships when people are feeling each other out and into the bit where people accept you for what you are and understand that you don't mean anything by your reservedness.

I too am the same way. I used to feel I had to explain myself but then I thought BFD; I was born this way. I am a calm, stoical., thoughtful and kind person and if you don't like who I am keep on moving




My favorite Popeye the Sailor quote: I YAM WHAT I YAM

you should move to estonia. Many people are the same there.

Ah, there's that word: logical. Logic can be great but not everyone can relate to our innate sense of logic. Many people are more on the emotional side. Conversations often require us to look beyond logic and do or say things because they are what is the "right" thing to do. Sometimes the logical thing to do is to be illogical. I can't find the exact quote but in Star Trek IV Sarek says something like "my logic falters where my son is concerned".

I'm largely the same way as you. If I don't feel I have something important to contribute then my natural inclination is to remain silent. But I'm learning that sometimes just making small talk can go a long way to building up a relationship with someone. When I find they're receptive to what I say in small talk then I test the waters with something a little deeper. There are still many things I think about that nobody else knows about.

I find that the relative anonymity of forums like this is a great place to practice my conversational skills. If they react negatively to what I say, I just ignore their post and read the next one. It depersonalizes things just enough for me to expand my comfort zone online, which I then translate to real life, albeit with a little difficulty.

Am finding myself agreeing with both the first two posts in this thread. But have seen contrary circumstances to sharing with people. I have a very few people i can trust to talk to, and might take a moment to think about or listen to the logic . That caused me to. see things as I do. NT are not ,very often interested in the logic of a thing but rather how they feel on a thing. And will go to the point of actually killing people to make their veiw the only one heard, even if it takes them years to do the planning. You would think if they can plan.. They might entertain logic. But often creating "hate" is more important to them,and will bond themselves together based on this emotion .Have seen this repeatedly in many lower level thinking NTs .patticularily in groups .Often this grouping of people ,consider these atitudes to be their sense of community..IMHO
So consequently have avoided groups of NT type people . particularily in smaller conversation groups . So my choice to engage people in Conversations , most often choose to speak with individuals only. But Listservs. like this are a great format to write with more people. Even allowing a tiny degree of Anominity.
Believe part of the issue , maybe my lack of ability to dumb down my conversations. So without realizing it . End up sounding like " an intellect " or some such..Which has never been my intent . It takes "work" to reword things so people
that may have a smaller vocabulary,or a similiar basis for vocabulary .
But do have a older Non verbal sister since birth . Think her brain was onto something, even prior to her birth..
And using your intuition to interact , only works sometimes . When words are not enough. And only with the rare person

I don't think your reflectiveness is a bad thing. Everybody's different. I talk too much-- which makes it challenging to listen and take in everything that's going on. And people can sometimes get bored if I go on too much or go off on too many tangents.

Probably, what people are actually telling you (while not realizing that's what they mean) is:

"I'm used to my conversational partner talking back and forth with me a certain amount and in a certain way-- like a verbal dance. But you're not dancing with me correctly, which is confusing me and I don't know how to verbally 'dance' with you. So, I'm going to tell you that you don't talk enough or you're weird as a stimulus to try to get you to change your behavior to match my expectations better so I can feel more comfortable and know what to expect."

People get used to patterns, whether it's talking, driving, or doing laundry. If something is different, it tends to throw people off and they have to think much harder about how to do these things that have otherwise become automatic for them. So, basically, you're making people think.

I am fairly quiet because on a lot of subjects I feel the need to communicate my ideas precisely, Back and forth conversation is just too fast paced for me to do this satisfactorily.

I like this online forum format because it gives me time to really think about what I want to communicate.