Panic, Planning and Putting Things Off - Can You Relate?

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I'm more or less competent at the day-to-day adulting thing but I really have my moments. I have quite a good job writing software and database coding, I own my own home, drive, have a son (who visits) etc. I do sometimes feel like I am holding on to this whole thing by such a small thread though.

I really struggle with executive functioning and it can be so frustrating. Tasks I have to do get avoided and put off if they are unfamiliar or feel overwhelming regardless of how necessary they really are and the more I do this, the more even thinking about them makes me anxious and panic to the point that it starts to affect my sleep and mental health.

At the moment I have been putting off finalising an insurance claim after having a car accident (Wasnt my fault but it's so complicated - car is drivable but old so they would only write it off and give me money for a new one, but it wouldn't be enough to buy a new one and I'm skint, but the MOT is due in 8 months and it could be expensive anyway etc etc)

I'm also trying to get a part-time photography business off the ground and I have a client who wants me to do a massive 16 person shoot for her but it's a lot of people so I would probably have to set the studio up in a bigger room in the house ...which means moving my friend who is staying to a different room and it's just one task leading to a hundred other considerations that freezes my brain up and makes me panic.

I've got a list of two dozen things like this and I think my brain is just rebelling at the minute and shutting off with intense panic when I think about any of it. I need to function and sort these things out but it feels like I'm going to force myself into shutdown just thinking about it all.

It feels a bit like that whole Pathological Avoidance condition although I am aware that's not really very clinical as it's more a vague term than a specific definition. Or is everyone more or less like this when you're on the spectrum?

Si

Yes, I can very much relate.

me too.

I know i possess the skills to do something, but regardless of activity I face such exhaustion doing it which leads to errors and mistakes. So this makes me panic which leads to avoidance.

The avoidance is real.

Yes. When I have too much to do, I pretty much become apathetic. I can stay in bed for days just worrying about the things I should do that I'm not doing.

I found that writing lists can help, but not to just put it all on one big sheet of paper. If I write all the big tasks down, let's say it's:
1. Horses
2. Book Project
3. Computer-tasks

Then it doesn't seem like so much.

Then there's a sub-list for every big one, on a separate piece of paper. Like:
Horses
1. Take out of stable
2. Clean boxes
3. Feed
4. Take in to stables

Book Project
1. Research environment
2. Make three pre-sketches
3. Make one final sketch
4. Send to client

Seeing it like that makes it more obvious that it really isn't as much as I make it up to be (because in my head, all those small steps are happening all at once).
And if the first task on each list is something really simple and/or fun, once it's crossed off it is very motivating to go onto the next task. Because no matter how small the achievement is, I feel better about myself once I've completed something, and I want to keep on doing it.

I don't know if that helps at all, but it's what works for me.

I would echo Embla - if I look at a project as a whole, I quickly become paralyzed (usually just mentally, not physically) and shut down rather than continue to build anxiety by trying to contemplate the million-and-three things that have to happen.

Outlining it in small steps and 'hiding' some of the future steps by sub-listing them allows me to use hyperfocus tendencies to my own advantage. Getting that first step done gives me a brain reward and added momentum to knock out the next small step.

It's not foolproof...or Chessproof...but it helps.

I definitely relate, executive dysfunction is no fun. I've wondered about pathological avoidance as well.

The fact that so many people here seem to relate to these sorts of issues, and similar things I've heard from other autistic people, make me wonder whether I actually have ADHD separately or if the issues that I attribute to ADHD are mostly just explained by autism-related executive dysfunction.

Most of the time my mind is "in the moment", externally focussed. I get caught up in the moment so much that I find it very difficult to mentally stand back and analyse problems. Things seem insurmountable; I have no idea what choice to make or I see complicating factors that mean I feel I can't act. As a result I get stuck in a cycle of indecision and putting things off.

For me this is quite chronic. Frankly it has more of an impact on my quality of life than my autism symptoms. Even going to the shops is a nightmare.

It does appear to be something most associated with ADHD/ADD.

The best thing I've worked out to do is to use "dead time" like showering to focus and break down the issues. For some reason at these times I can recognise my instinct unlike when my brain is racing.

Much of my panic dates back to when I volunteered to help with an event, and then made a mistake and arrived late. I have started using checklists for routine, but rare and complex jobs to take the load off my memory. Many of my worst memories are from agreeing to do more than was possible in the time or budget available. Prospective customers can sometimes make me forget how many hours are actually needed. Maybe the 16-head customer could provide a location, or find someone else. I don't multi-task well, and need time to re-familiarize myself with projects I've had to leave alone for a while, or to tackle a new thing. The gumption for learning comes from boredom with tasks I've learned well. Every day needs some of each. When things are going well, I may take on too much, and have a breakdown. Maybe the photography should be strictly a hobby. Voluntary simplicity leads to more happiness than the rat race.

The test I took as part of my diagnostic assesment said 90 percent of people have better executive functioning then me.

I put off looking in my mailbox, because I worry there might be bills in there and I don't want to look at them (I also get anxiety over checking my bank balance, so I don't do that all that often because if I don't look it can't upset me). The longer I put it off, the more anxiety becomes attached to it because there's more likelihood of a late notice being in there. I end up paying so many late fees (and I've also been disconnected a couple of times) because I can't seem to bring myself to check my mailbox on a normal and regular basis. The solution seems so simple - just check the mail box and pay bills when they arrive. So simple yet somehow so inexplicably difficult.

I heard something recently I really identified with - it was something about how anxiety can lead to someone putting short-term relief above the long-term solutions. So in the long term, life would be more peaceful if I checked my mailbox every day. But in the short-term, my day is more pleasant and less anxiety-ridden if I don't check my mailbox, if I put it off instead. So I put it off.