Here's why I feel I am an aspie

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Despite all the other symptoms that I relate to - meltdowns, fascination of lists and collecting data, avoiding change ect...

All my life I have struggled socially. Every so often it becomes intense and during these times I have sought out help through counselling, therapists and such. Just a few years ago I was diagnosed with "life-long complicated stress and anxiety".

But there is always something at the back of my mind, nagging away at me and confusing the hell out of me - if I have anxiety, then what causes it? I have never come to a conclusion on this. Until recently. Now, one of the treatments for anxiety that seems to be a very popular method is exposure. Exposing someone to something that is the root of their anxiety over long periods of time helps them to better manage their anxiety and overcome those issues. Which has been proven to work.

So, since I have all this anxiety over socialising with people, all the years that I have forced myself to go to school, college and then work... how come i'm still as socially awkward as a gazelle at a lions dinner party? No amount of exposure over the past 15yrs or so has done me any good. In fact, it has made it worse. The more I push myself into uncomfortable situations, the bigger the damage when I finally crack and can take no more and I have to disappear from the world and lock myself up at home.

I will never be the charismatic diplomat that beams in the attention of others, no matter how hard I try. I'd like to be, but that something inside me pulls me away from that and reminds me that things like that scare the bloody crap out of me.

I feel the same.

I first learned about Leeds while I watched soccer on TV in the 1960s.

Instead of socializing with other kids (I did have one "best friend), I used to like to read the encyclopedia and watch TV. One of my most vivid memories was watching a soccer championship match at Wembley Stadium in London. I thought it was an enormous place. And I was born and raised in New York City.

I was more the "socially awkward" type than the "socially anxious" type. I didn't have much "filter." I'd just say what's on my mind. I didn't curse---because if I cursed, I "got the belt."

In actuality, I'm not an Aspie---because I had a severe speech delay: no speech until age 5 1/2.

But, after I developed speech, I really became the "classic Aspie"--the one who got bullied because he wore both glasses and braces.

Do you need social interactions? I think some Aspies can do just fine without it.

It's nice hanging out with other people sometimes....though not most times LOL

I don't really "dislike" people. I dislike the scrutiny I'm put under sometimes.

I don't want to be a total socialite. Ew. I just want to be able to communicate fluidly when I am with others. I can very easily go months without leaving my house/seeing/speaking to anyone if given half the chance.