Hello. I am a 15 year old female. For a while now, I have wondered what was wrong with me. I read something about autism once, and it clicked. It's like I made sense. When I was younger, I would be called things like 'monotone', 'psycopath', 'freak'. It's not as bad now, but I used to not move my voice at all. It was horribley flat. And I had/have a fascination with crimes, so I'd read a lot about murders and kidnappings. I personally don't see why that is weird, but others thought it was creepy that my voice held no emotion whilst casually taking about a dead body. I won't wear tight clothing, sweaters, most jeans, and some other fabrics. I don't make eye contact. I have no friends and can't handle social events. I'm very sensitive to light, but that may be due to my migraines, and I dont handle sudden noise very well. I have lots of 'quirks', such as: chewing on things. I actually got in trouble a lot as a child for chewing on my clothing. Pacing, rocking, tapping my feet against the floor in a pattern, I will not step on cracks, I tap my face, hit my collar bones with the top of my fingers, I sway, click my heels together, shut my eyes really hard, scrunch up my face, flex my fingers, click my tongue, and spin under lights. (I love to see the little vessels in my eyes) I can sit still for days, but when I'm bored or standing, I must be moving. When I get excited about talking to someone about my favorite subjects, my voice gets really high and I speak at the speed of light. Now, my sibling has severe ADHD, and we connect. My mom always thought he had autism. This is why I can't bring my thoughts up to her. But I still wish I could just know, because I do get lonely. I may loathe social interaction, but I wish I didn't. I really do want to connect with someone. And here, I've found so many people I relate to, which has never happened before. It's like things finally make sense, but I can't say anything. Sorry for the long, dumb rant. (Oh! And also, I have no idea why this is, but does anyone else suck at following conversations or putting their thoughts into words?)