Being Tactful

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Thought I'd type this after some of your replies. I'm not angry or anything but is anyone tactful. Reason I'm saying this I used to insult people all the time. Until one day someone told I did it and the person taught me alot on how to think about what I say. I have AS and yes my grammer isn't the when on the computer it is better handwritten. If you go on other forums the people don't use grammer at all. I mean I'm angry but some of the replies were insulting even if you were joking. I'm not angry but I am saddened by the replies. Hope you understand

Hi,

I didn't reply to the thread that you are referring to (but I know the one you mean).
But I can empathize as I am dyslexic and dyspraxic so I can make a lot of errors, and even if I read through what I have written before clicking 'submit' there are still mistakes that I won't notice because, well, I'm dyslexic!

So I know what you mean and I hope people understand that some people find things difficult through no fault of their own, and that this is okay.

I will not criticise your grammar or spelling.

Not sure what the original post is a reference to, but making a comment on tactfulness in general as it applies to myself:
I learned a hard lesson in tactfulness when I was a teenager. I joined a band, where I was a loan teenaged girl amidst a bunch of guys who were about 4-5 years older than me...attempting to come out of my coccoon of akwardness...I was extremely hyperactive, naieve, oblivious to social cues...basicly on another planet and completely unaware that I was infuriating people left and right with my extreme tactlessness...I didn't even know what the word meant...I was trying so hard for once to be normal...but I was chronicly on a different page from everyone and I didn't know I was DOing it..until there was a big band meeting where they just dissected me...sorta like scaring the bounce out of tigger..where I was informed that I was doing everything wrong...half the things..I didn't even know I was doing...like I was told they had baked me a pie for my birthday, and I had taken the pie and closed the door in their face without saying "thankyou"...and while I remember recieving a pie..i didn't remember that part...adn i never would have gone out of my way to make them as angry as i had made them.

Anyhow...I do believe that for alot of people, tact is something that needs to be "learned"...and that people aren't necc. deliberately being rude, they just aren;t taking into concideration the consequences of the things they say/do.
I still have trouble with it. It I hadn't been sat down and given a stern mental brow beating about it, I don't know when I would have ever learned it.

The person who taught me to be tactful was a girl who I was close to (That sort of thing) she was always late for things and I used to tell about her lateness. Then she took me to one side about a year ago now. She told me to be tactful as she has a condition or disibility where organisation is a problem and that is why she was late and said to me that you have to think why that person behaves like this or that person is late there is a reason for it. After that post and also looking at some posts I think some people need to learn that lesson.

Like I mention on one of my previous posts I won't to help people like me.

Now and then I am. But usually I'm
an insolent fool. Still, pertaining to
grammar, there is a matter of respect
involved. If someone is capable of
utilizing proper English, yet can't bother
to show the forumites this simple
courtesy, it doesn't seem too unreasonable
for the community, as a whole, to feel
somewhat insulted. I certainly do.

I was never really taught grammer so have to remember that one as well like I mentioned there is always a reason for something. I have trouble when typing I don't know where to put things in. Remeber that one there will be more comming in soon with that problem believe me

Yeah I don't really do tact. I do try but I am not the world's best at it.
I understand the thread you are talking about and yeah comment about your IQ and such were really sh***y and were meant to antagonise you. Understand some people were genuinely trying to help and understand.
Understand too that you weren't making much sense and some people were frustrated. We all have ineptitudes here and I think most of us understand that there may have been blocks that were causing you difficulties.
It is ironic and something people autistic and not have bought up but I understand compassion and how to be compassionate a lot more than I understand empathy. I guess tact is a similar problem with a lot of people with ASD, it is something which is difficult and do take this into account. Hey it could be worse would you prefer tactless but honest individuals telling you exactly what they thought or people that will tell you a worn out lie on reflex and laugh at their duplicity?

Tact is not my specialty. Often, even if I try I don't do itwell. My best bet is to keep my mouth shut.

I think that there is a time to be honest and a time when you don't say something. There are two other people with AS where I work one I get on with the other one I'm always clashing with and we don't get on. He needs to know tact he's not very popular where I work. He starts bossing me around and when I'm resting cause I need to calm down at times he starts asking me why I'm not working. The thing is I'm actually at the time in the middle of eating lunch or something. I think he was sacked last week I'll find out on Thursday as he is in usually on Thursdays

I had a look at the thread and can say, just ignore the those insecure little so and sos who have no better way to make themselves feel better than by putting down others. It is their own lack of intelligence that is the issue here, nothing relating to your own.

You have good people here, and like anywhere else, you also have a few who take great pleasure in saying spiteful things.

I'm the same way. I TRY to be social, but when I do, disaster strikes. I don't normally stutter but if I'm trying to be social then I do. Sometimes I have to try three or four times to get a phrase out of my mouth. When I'm trying to be social, I become more tactless, less considerate, more clumsy. I break objects, I break people's feelings, I break people's good impressions of me.

That's why I usually sit back and keep my mouth shut in social gatherings. It's hard to get in much trouble that way. Then when people talk to me I'm usually spaced out and they ask me what's wrong and I say I'm sleepy because that almost always works. It's gotten me into trouble before though. A teacher once took me aside and asked me if I was having problems at home because I was "always tired." More than once people have told me I should see a doctor and get tested for mono. "Are you sick?"

people always think im rude, and way to serious. the only time i really relax is if im being silly. and acting like the blackmetal rockcollecting lover i am