20 year old male that is paranoid and worried about girls.

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Quantum
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16 Dec 2017, 6:18 pm

I have been feeling lonely my entire life and have always been socially excluded, I always have this feeling telling me I can't trust anyone. Not my parents, friends, no one.

I'm currently studying at university (4 months now). At first I didn't have any friends at all and I was consistently alone. Later at some point two girls in my class took note of my situation (probably because I was helpful towards others but still a social failure, they pity me I think) and began getting closer to me, I obviously took chance of this and I'm currently hanging out with four girls in my class (including the two girls that started being interested in me).

I can't help but to feel as if I'm not truly appreciated, as if they befriended me for the sole purpose of pity. Now that I'm hanging out with them at university, it seems as if they don't actually like me. They are relatively slow at responding to my texts (hence the title, I'm easily paranoid) and they seem a bit agitated whenever I try to get closer (in the form of giving me the death stare, again, probably paranoia).

I don't know what to do at this point. I don't know if I have all the cards stacked against me or if all of these problems are in my head. I can very easily come to irrational conclusions that aren't necessarily the truth. All I want is to be friends with these girls in my class (which I probably am) but have this persistent paranoia telling me they don't give a damn about my existence. I don't know how I'm supposed to know whether they like me or not, unless I ask. That's a bit difficult I think.



Dear_one
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16 Dec 2017, 6:29 pm

I think you have had a little opportunity, and learned a little bit. With enough such cycles, you may feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. Did your parents betray your trust more severely than most? I never bonded with mine, so many of my social habits are still in the formative stage. I'd try to stay helpful, but only for people who understand and help me if there is a choice. There are a lot of one-way takers out there. Most people have roughly equal scores on IQ and EQ, and can't really tell which they are using. A good friend will understand the difference you have to deal with.



Quantum
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16 Dec 2017, 6:54 pm

Dear_one wrote:
I think you have had a little opportunity, and learned a little bit. With enough such cycles, you may feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. Did your parents betray your trust more severely than most? I never bonded with mine, so many of my social habits are still in the formative stage. I'd try to stay helpful, but only for people who understand and help me if there is a choice. There are a lot of one-way takers out there. Most people have roughly equal scores on IQ and EQ, and can't really tell which they are using. A good friend will understand the difference you have to deal with.


Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.



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16 Dec 2017, 7:00 pm

Quantum wrote:
Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.


That can drive any critter crazy. See if you can find a therapist who can help you undo that programming, with drugs as a very last resort. The field you need is called "Neuroplasticity" and it is pretty new. One very promising treatment, the PONS device, is unfortunately now owned by capitalists and may never become available, as it probably would hurt drug sales. However, there is progress on other fronts.



Quantum
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16 Dec 2017, 7:04 pm

Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.


That can drive any critter crazy. See if you can find a therapist who can help you undo that programming, with drugs as a very last resort. The field you need is called "Neuroplasticity" and it is pretty new. One very promising treatment, the PONS device, is unfortunately now owned by capitalists and may never become available, as it probably would hurt drug sales. However, there is progress on other fronts.


What implications does this issue have, with the parents? What happens if it's untreated? I'm finding it hard to find the connection between my past and my present, I know there is but I'm sort of blind right now. How does this affect my future chances with women?



spaceone
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16 Dec 2017, 7:21 pm

Quantum wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
I think you have had a little opportunity, and learned a little bit. With enough such cycles, you may feel safe and comfortable in a relationship. Did your parents betray your trust more severely than most? I never bonded with mine, so many of my social habits are still in the formative stage. I'd try to stay helpful, but only for people who understand and help me if there is a choice. There are a lot of one-way takers out there. Most people have roughly equal scores on IQ and EQ, and can't really tell which they are using. A good friend will understand the difference you have to deal with.


Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.

Yes I relate to this very strongly.. also I have a similar problem as OP. Most females who are my friends start to seem like they feel burdened by me in ways that my male friends usually don't display. This is irrelevant of whether or not it is a romantic relationship.. it may be in my head at first but once I get paranoid I sure I either create or exacerbate the problem.



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16 Dec 2017, 7:58 pm

Quantum wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.


That can drive any critter crazy. See if you can find a therapist who can help you undo that programming, with drugs as a very last resort. The field you need is called "Neuroplasticity" and it is pretty new. One very promising treatment, the PONS device, is unfortunately now owned by capitalists and may never become available, as it probably would hurt drug sales. However, there is progress on other fronts.


What implications does this issue have, with the parents? What happens if it's untreated? I'm finding it hard to find the connection between my past and my present, I know there is but I'm sort of blind right now. How does this affect my future chances with women?


I can't really assess your odds, or even define what "chances" you seek. Early treatment can probably help a lot. Muddling along and socializing with other misfits, I had more girlfriends than average, and one wife, but they never really got to know me, just what they wanted to see in a polite, helpful man, ignoring my quirks for some time.

Despite modern unisex culture, men and women are quite distinct. The Golden Rule won't keep you out of trouble with women like it will with men. Ever since Ma Nature invented sex, every critter on earth has had two questions about every other critter. Species and gender? We need to know both to know how to behave in detail.



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16 Dec 2017, 8:04 pm

They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.



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16 Dec 2017, 8:05 pm

Quantum wrote:
Yeah my parents were like that, one day they loved me the next they hated me. Not sure why but it sure has it's effects on how I talk to people.


I struggle with paranoia too, and that's how I feel about people in general. Never certain where I stand with them, because my own level of confidence varies from one day to the next.



Quantum
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17 Dec 2017, 4:43 am

BTDT wrote:
They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.


Why should I not get closer?



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17 Dec 2017, 7:26 am

Quantum wrote:
BTDT wrote:
They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.


Why should I not get closer?


They have satisfied their curiosity, and don't want to get closer. In molecular biology, life is a series of keys being tried in a series of locks, with very rare matches. Macro biology feels a lot the same. Keep circulating.



Quantum
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17 Dec 2017, 7:41 am

Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
BTDT wrote:
They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.


Why should I not get closer?


They have satisfied their curiosity, and don't want to get closer. In molecular biology, life is a series of keys being tried in a series of locks, with very rare matches. Macro biology feels a lot the same. Keep circulating.


Sorry if I sound avid but how do you know they don't want to get closer based on what I wrote on this thread? I honestly think most of the problems are in my head, me going with the false perception of what is going on between us. They are always friendly to me so surely that is a good sign that they find me interesting? Regarding me texting the girl, she did respond back yesterday, further proving all this paranoia is by my head.



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17 Dec 2017, 7:51 am

Quantum wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
BTDT wrote:
They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.


Why should I not get closer?


They have satisfied their curiosity, and don't want to get closer. In molecular biology, life is a series of keys being tried in a series of locks, with very rare matches. Macro biology feels a lot the same. Keep circulating.


Sorry if I sound avid but how do you know they don't want to get closer based on what I wrote on this thread? I honestly think most of the problems are in my head, me going with the false perception of what is going on between us. They are always friendly to me so surely that is a good sign that they find me interesting? Regarding me texting the girl, she did respond back yesterday, further proving all this paranoia is by my head.


Sorry, maybe I have not been reading carefully enough. I have trouble with getting my expectations far too high when I first meet people. Going from zero to two friends is a much bigger change in your life than the usual situation of someone going from 10 friends to 12. They can be easily spooked if you get too intense.



Quantum
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17 Dec 2017, 7:55 am

Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
Dear_one wrote:
Quantum wrote:
BTDT wrote:
They helped you out and that is a good thing. But, it sounds like you should not try to get closer. If you are going to school you should be trying to expand your social network, perhaps by making time for special interest clubs.


Why should I not get closer?


They have satisfied their curiosity, and don't want to get closer. In molecular biology, life is a series of keys being tried in a series of locks, with very rare matches. Macro biology feels a lot the same. Keep circulating.


Sorry if I sound avid but how do you know they don't want to get closer based on what I wrote on this thread? I honestly think most of the problems are in my head, me going with the false perception of what is going on between us. They are always friendly to me so surely that is a good sign that they find me interesting? Regarding me texting the girl, she did respond back yesterday, further proving all this paranoia is by my head.


Sorry, maybe I have not been reading carefully enough. I have trouble with getting my expectations far too high when I first meet people. Going from zero to two friends is a much bigger change in your life than the usual situation of someone going from 10 friends to 12. They can be easily spooked if you get too intense.


Yeah, good point. I think I need to take it a bit easy and not cling to them too much but still hang out.



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17 Dec 2017, 8:02 am

Quantum wrote:

Yeah, good point. I think I need to take it a bit easy and not cling to them too much but still hang out.


There you go. Friendship builds gradually in most cases. There are always jokes about people thinking up baby names on a second date.



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17 Dec 2017, 9:16 am

Dating while in school is a unique opportunity for most to meet a lot of dating age people. Why not take advantage of the situation until you meet someone "special?"