Combination of bad experiences and asd leading to isolation?

Post Reply New Topic

Pretty sure I had Asperger, have all the signs and even flap. Took two tests on the net, and they both read, 'You're very likely an aspie.'

As a child, I barely wanted anything to do with other kids or anyone else, only my brother. In my twenties, I tried to make friends and form relationships and failed. I can never be happy in a relationship and can barely stand anyone's company. But I know a lot of aspies want friends and just don't know how to make friends, and some have a few but very loyal friends. Many are married and have kids. I don't have friends, couldn't possibly handle a marriage or kids, and I'm in my fifties.

Thing is, I never got alone with my parents. They were verbally abusive. I've been bullied a lot in workplaces in the past. I ran into bullies and horrible people on and off the job.

So I wonder if the combination of both Asperger and bad life experiences can make a person want to isolate himself/herself, until they can't be happy around other people and don't even want company. I just want to be around my cats and pet dogs I see on the street.

Anyone else have had nothing but bad experiences with other people? And how did it affect you?

I’ve always been a loner. I grew up in a dysfunctional family system, which set the stage for a pattern of 41 years’ worth of dysfunctional relationships. I know exactly what I’m missing out on as far as human relationships go, & I’m okay with it. I’m better than okay with it, since I’m pursuing self-employment; the main benefit of which: no coworkers.

I’m also disconnecting from attending my latest support group since their Christianity is turning me off. (I believe in freedom of religion, but I also believe in same sex marriage.) I am not allowing myself to get sucked into feeling needlessly obligated to others. The less time I spend with humans, the happier I am, but I’m not winning any popularity contests.

That said, I’m otherwise doing a whole helluva lot to keep myself in balance with my mental health too: medication, diet, meditation, journaling, reading, spending time with nature, etc. with the view of being the best version of myself I can be. I’m very grateful I’m able to have such silence & solitude in my life that I wouldn’t have had had I married, bred, & tried to maintain friendships.

Frankly, I don’t need the guilt!

I've had a mixture of bad, neutral, & good experiences. However, the good experiences are never as good for me as it seems others feel. Those good experiences are not worth it, because the bad experiences overshadow everything else & have a greater impact on my mental health. I don't get an overwhelming need to socialize. I let it passively occur, & sometimes avoid it (like around the holidays I isolate because hate crowds & boisterous, busy festivities.

My social preference is online interaction. In-person I am too slow. The internet gives me time to think of a response, & time to type & edit -- can't do that in real-time. I am an annoying person to be around because am not cool & smooth talking like most. Am very bad at verbal conversations.