I don't know how to interact with children

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Roo95
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26 Dec 2017, 4:06 am

I'm thinking this might be a result of my aspergers and wondering if anyone else sucks at this too. But I can't interact with children or babies at all. I don't know how to. It really makes me feel down because I do love kids as I have 4 nephews and neices who are all toddlers and babies and I know I'll never ever have a connection with them or be part of their lives. When around them, even if they show interest in wanting me to play with them, for example my 1 year old nice will crawl over to me and stare at me, and I'll just sit there in silence and things like this make people think I'm horrible, cold hearted and hate kids which I don't. Its just as I say I don't know how to play or interact with them. I humiliated myself yesterday on Christmas day when my 1 year old nice came over to me and my sister told me to play with her and try bond with her and I just admitted that I don't know how to. This also makes people think I'm antisocial and can't be bothered. I have a friend I like to go visit on his farm sometimes and he has a lovely little daughter who is 2 years old and often he will go and get her when I'm visiting him and I dread it because he will try and get me to talk and interact with her and as I don't know how to, things get awkward. I just become confused because you obviously can't talk to them like adults, I really don't know how else to talk to them. If I ever met someone later in life, I would love kids of my own but it wouldn't work out because of everything explained above.



autlander
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26 Dec 2017, 4:13 am

I don't like children and their behaviour, as from I was a little kid myself. Luckily I don't have siblings so I don't have to deal with nieces/nephews. I don't interact with children, I don't have to and I'm glad for that!



autlander
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26 Dec 2017, 4:16 am

And I really can't stand people who force their kids on you!



Roo95
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26 Dec 2017, 7:25 am

autlander wrote:
And I really can't stand people who force their kids on you!

I agree. Though if I knew how to I would happily interact with them if I knew how to. Its something that I can't really explain to people who don't know that im autistic



MariaTheFictionkin
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26 Dec 2017, 7:30 am

autlander wrote:
I don't like children and their behaviour, as from I was a little kid myself. Luckily I don't have siblings so I don't have to deal with nieces/nephews. I don't interact with children, I don't have to and I'm glad for that!


I'm on the same boat with you.


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autlander
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26 Dec 2017, 8:19 am

Roo95 wrote:
autlander wrote:
And I really can't stand people who force their kids on you!

I agree. Though if I knew how to I would happily interact with them if I knew how to. Its something that I can't really explain to people who don't know that im autistic

I didn't know that I was aspie till my 48th and I just told people my whole life I didn't like kids. Just like other people can freely say they don't like (or even hate) cats/dogs/horses/spiders whatever. Not everybody likes the same things in life. And kids are very agressively forced on you in society. What if people walked arround in supermarkets with spiders and put them in your face all the time. NT's wouldn't like that either won't they?



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26 Dec 2017, 8:28 am

Hello

I was frightened of children until my oldest nephew came along, and then I had no choice, as I was expected to babysit him :( he became the oldest of five. I agree people shouldn't force their children on you but since you want to get better with kids here's my advice.

There's no wrong thing as far as the kid is concerned, so as long as you don't say anything the adults don't like, you will be fine. Talk to it as if it is an adult if you find it easier. Little children don't have the social rules of adults they just accept you as you are, in fact once I got used to them, I found them easier than adults. Let them choose what to play with and just follow along, they like this. My oldest nephew is now 26 and still mentions the 100's of times we watched his Beauty and the Beast video together.

I am still not keen on kids I don't know, I mean they are people and all people are different so there's no way to know what they like or don't like.



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26 Dec 2017, 9:40 am

Agree with Fluffysaurus. My son is NT and so am I. His dad and most of his dad's family are autistic. My son gets along much better with autistic people than other NTs. And I can be big enough (or old enough) to admit that my son and I are naturally car salesman types who can easily come off as bullies toward shy types.

Just treat the kid or baby like an adult if that's your comfort zone. Many of them prefer that anyway. You can also pretend they're a dog or cat. Or a cartoon character. The adults may tell you you're "doing it wrong" but the kid, 9 times out of 10, will like you better for not being fake and being a more interesting adult than most.



Joe90
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26 Dec 2017, 10:18 am

I'm terrible at interacting with children. A few years ago I volunteered at a nursery as part of a college course I was doing, and I completely sucked at interacting with the children, even though they were only 2-4 years old. I wanted to be assertive, outspoken and bossy, and I observed how the other adults there were, but I just could not bring myself to do it. I knew in my head what I should do, and I wanted to do it, but I just couldn't. One time I caught 3 little boys messing around in the bathroom, and it was the right time to put them right, by saying something like "boys, please come out of here unless you are using the toilet or the sink, before someone gets hurt", and make them go back into the playroom. But instead I chewed my fingernails and said, "uh...oh dear" and went to find someone else to deal with them.

I left the nursery in the end, because I just felt like I stood in the way not being very useful, and seemed afraid to interact with the children.


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Leahcar
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26 Dec 2017, 10:33 am

For the past few summers I volunteered at my local library, signing primary school-aged children up for an event where they get small prizes for reading books. When I first started, I had little confidence and I couldn't predict what the kids were going to say, but overtime I started getting into the swing of things more, and now I personally enjoy talking to the kids and encouraging them to read.

I couldn't work with children as a full-time job, though. That'd be exhausting!


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Last edited by Leahcar on 26 Dec 2017, 10:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

fluffysaurus
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26 Dec 2017, 10:34 am

Joe90 wrote:
I'm terrible at interacting with children. A few years ago I volunteered at a nursery as part of a college course I was doing, and I completely sucked at interacting with the children, even though they were only 2-4 years old. I wanted to be assertive, outspoken and bossy, and I observed how the other adults there were, but I just could not bring myself to do it. I knew in my head what I should do, and I wanted to do it, but I just couldn't. One time I caught 3 little boys messing around in the bathroom, and it was the right time to put them right, by saying something like "boys, please come out of here unless you are using the toilet or the sink, before someone gets hurt", and make them go back into the playroom. But instead I chewed my fingernails and said, "uh...oh dear" and went to find someone else to deal with them.

I left the nursery in the end, because I just felt like I stood in the way not being very useful, and seemed afraid to interact with the children.


But that was a lot to attempt. I wouldn't try it now after quite a lot of experience with kids. It's very difficult to be the authority and keep discipline of other peoples kids that you don't even know. My nephews used to walk all over me. If you're in that situation again just play with the kids and leave that difficult stuff to those who are getting paid and have lots of experience.



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26 Dec 2017, 11:27 am

I have no interest in being around children. They make too much noise and require attention. I'd so much rather have a cat.


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26 Dec 2017, 11:33 am

Never been a problem for me.



ladyelaine
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26 Dec 2017, 5:22 pm

I like kids, but I don't like the crappy behavior that they exhibit especially as they get older. Babies and toddlers are fun to interact with, but once kids are old enough to speak in full sentences and go to preschool, they start turning into little jerks and become as snobby and nasty as their parents. I find it easier to make conversation and interact with kids if they are playing with toys and games that I grew up with or reading books that I or my siblings read as a kids. I hate trying to make small talk with kids as I suck at small talk and not all kids are interested in interacting with me. My bosses have told me that should initiate more interactions with the kids at my work. I don't feel the need to constantly make meaningless conversation with kids or adults and the kids often want to interact with each other more than the teachers. I think it drives people crazy that I'm a quiet person.



Ashariel
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26 Dec 2017, 5:28 pm

I didn't know how to interact with children when I was one, and even less so now. I skipped the whole 'run around and scream' phase, and have trouble empathizing with a child's need to do that.



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26 Dec 2017, 5:48 pm

I didn't get along with kids even when I was a kid meself! :o