being accused of being lazy. Am I ?

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A friend of mine said maybe I was lazy because I haven't quite reached the aims and goals in life, people assume you have to reach before the age of 25 and that because I'm someone aged 29-30 they are shocked and laughing because of it and they responded to me saying ''well, maybe it is down to laziness and making excuses and couldn't be asked with putting in hard work in order to get these things.'' Its making me think was I lazy three and half or four years before I started a paid job in 2016.

In 2012 - I had left uni due to stress after four months, was unemployed all through that year and went to employment groups and things to build skills and meet people.

In 2013 - I had to deal with my dad moving house to another county, still went to employment groups and still unemployed that year and had to sign up for work in another county.

In 2014 - Did employment courses and groups in another county, had several interviews for jobs and wasn't hired for them and still unemployed, and was rather choosy.

In 2015 - Continued doing employment courses, having interviews without success and there were jobs I turned down at times due to what they were and how far away they were and being uncomfortable with them, did get work experience in a retail store for a week coming up to christmas

In 2016 - still unemployed for 3 months until April and offered an interview for job I am in now and in order to do that at the time I had to get 2 buses, a train and ferry to get there. If I was lazy then I wouldn't have done that and got the job I am in now.

Being choosey isn't the same as being lazy unless you're only being choosey due to lazy reasons. But in your case being choosey isn't laziness. Most of us Aspies need to be choosey because of our anxieties or challenges. It's no good turning up at a job that is out of your depth, is there? So you were being choosey for the right reasons.

Using someone else's guidelines for measuring laziness can be an exercise fraught with errors... in my opinion.
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A re-occuring theme in the various definitions for 'lazy' is, "A disinclination towards exertion or activity...".
So... who gets to measure this so-called 'disinclination'?
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Indigenous people's were cast as being lazy, by those who saw their own selves as more advanced people.
Yet, there would be no advanced civilizations had indigenous people been truly lazy.... no?
Meeting one's base needs for survival cannot be seen as lazy.
Any effort beyond that is just decoration on human life.
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I have no evidence that if humans never advanced beyond meeting their base needs for survival, the human race would have ceased to exist a long time ago.
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Now.... something I figured out, that has helped me in my life is the idea that in order for me to assimilate into my chosen societal group of humans.... I need to find/develop the 'tools' to do so.
I don't do 'normal' s**t too well... I have to build a link, a bridge of sorts, between how my brain works best and what society expects from me.
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Hang on! I'm rounding back to the topic! I SWEAR!
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I have historically been labeled lazy, a rebel, and other pejoratives.
No one seemed to be able to accept my words that I was actually trying.
No one seemed to think that perhaps, there was a better way for me to work effectively and efficiently.
No one seemed to think that their own blind doggedness, trudging along with the status quo, was a different form of laziness.
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As for finding work...
Have a dream
Establish a goal
Find the tools and resources to help you explore that dream pathway
Set limits as to how long you will keep on attempting this, before you cut loose and move on to something else
Find a way to keep focus on the task/job/education, and a way to return to that focus if/when you discover you've wandered from it
Lastly.... try to assess your true strengths, figure out where they fit in the workplace, and see if you can move into that type of career.
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Defining 'Lazy' in your own terms...
Decide what your base needs are for survival and figure out what it takes to meet them, then work on doing that
Decide which things, out in the society you choose to live, you really want to have ,and find/create the tools/resources to help you succeed in attaining them
Stop listening to other people grind on about what they feel constitutes laziness, unless that person is someone you have specifically chosen to help you see things about you that you are not seeing
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There!
I have successfully lectured myself through proxy of another's online forum thread!
See?
I'm not lazy afterall!

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If everyone used the exact same definition of the word, 'lazy', and used it in the same context... it would have more credibility for me.
But since it's more often used just to disparage another person... I find no reason to take anyone serious when they sling this at me.
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In the words of the late Steve Jobs...
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

What Joe said. There's a huge difference between turning a job down because you're convinced that it'd be too much for you and because you're convinced you wouldn't like it. In the former case, turning the job down is often wise, but in the later it's picky and could be even said to be lazy. If you had job oppurtinities you could have handled but turned them down anyway because you wanted something better then yes, I would say that lazy is accurate, though picky would be even more so. When one can't get a job they like, they should take one that they don't like but can still handle (assuming they can get one of those of course) and continue looking for a better one while they're at it if they want to work somewhere else.

You can't measure laziness

Different people have different definitions of lazy

Laziness is a spectrum

Your amount of laziness is constantly changing

Anyone that says that you are lazy is just giving their opinion

Anyone that says you are workaholic is, also just their opinion