Meltdowns

Post Reply New Topic

Hi i was wondering if anyone could help me. My group of friends are going away together in February to stay in a lodge down south. One of my friends is what you would call a high functioning autistic (not a fan of the term but not sure how else to describe it). She still struggles alot with sensory input and has only ever stayed the night with us 4 times and I am still yet to experience a meltdown. I know she can get quite violent and im wondering if any one could give me any tips to help her during these meltdowns so to minimise any damage to herself or others. Thanks

Both my boyfriend and I are autistic and though I don't have violent meltdowns he does. So I would say I have reasonable experience ahah.

My main advice is to leave her alone, let her have her moment and understand she has very little control. If she hits anything or risks breaking something she will have to deal with it later but you risk getting hurt and her feeling very guilty and upset about it afterwards if you intervine. Turn off all sounds (music etc) don't be surprised if she takes clothes off etc as they could be bothering her. Try and find the dimmest light possible and don't touch her in anyway, even friendly touches can feel like burning when you are in that state.

After a little bit, (I normally go with once the banging has stopped ahah) come back in again and check on her. She may be unable to speak but go sit beside her and tell her you are here and your there for her, no judgment, you know she was overwhelmed and its okay. Even if it wasn't all okay little white lies in these moments help, and discuss it afterwards but not now. If she isn't responsive turn the lights off get her a blanket and put her phone near her so she can communicate when she comes back a bit. Then leave her alone. Everyone is different so I can't say how long it will last or how she will be after but that's what I do with my boyfriend. Check on her every half hour or so so she knows you haven't abandoned her. She may not look like she's paying attention but she is, and she will appreciate it.

When she starts communicating again expect her to be exhausted and want to sleep. Talk with her if she wants to and I personally tell some terrible jokes to relax my bf a little.

After that she will be fine, talk with her and work out what the triggers were so you can avoid it again!

I know that looks a little daunting, and not everyone is the same, but that's my experience. You can still all have fun and do your own thing while she is recovering, I doubt she will mind! Just remember her and don't expect her to be up for much afterwards.

Good luck, hopefully she will be fine! Other bit of advise is if she says she wants a moment to herself let her have it, she most likely really needs it!

hello! you are a very good friend for thinking of her needs. meltdowns are tricky and personal but work can be done to make sure everyone is safe.

step 1: avoiding a meltdown.

avoiding a meltdown is tricky because they're almost random to the untrained eye. The problem with A meltdown is the autistic person experiencing said meltdown may not be able to recognize the triggers. they may FEEL stressed, anxious, sad or angry but not be able to recognize it, label it and act accordingly. its always good to check in on your friend if you notice some aloofness, anger and tenseness. simply ask " are you okay? you seem tense" your friend may respond with " yes i am, i need a moment." or " i don't know..." This is something my friends do for me and i feel it helps a lot

also keeping her comfortable and calm as much as possible, try not to over do it. encouraging stimming and keeping up with sameness can be helpful. lets say at night she usually watches a certain television show, try to put time aside to keep that sameness intact.

Step 2: the rumble

im borowing a bit from Understanding Autism for Dummies.
so lets say your friend is getting stress, shes shouting a bit, swearing, making threats, fidgeting more and increased moment or pacing, this is the beginning of a meltdown and you can intervene just carefully. most peoples first response to this stage is to pet the persons back or hug them, everyone is different but unless you friend asks: DONT DO THIS. you could possibly over stimulating her more. so here are some more helpful actions

a. remove her to a less crowded area. possibly where there is more space for her to move and breath. dont judge just invite her elsewhere.

b. encourage the sameness again with things she likes, maybe its music or browsing on the web or drawing, whatever she NORMALLY does at that time.

c. Talk to her! and empathize with her and let her talk. try and figure out what the trigger is.

d. set aside a 'cool', relaxing comfortable quiet room,

e. take a walk. dont talk. just try to get the energy out in a less destructive way.

step 3. The explosion

if all listed above fails, here are some tips to ease through the meltdown (assuming its a big one)

1. saftey first, remove anything harmful or dangerous from the area,

2. stay quiet, this isnt a fight. this isnt an argument, this isnt a attack, this is a meltdown, its a personal experience for her, if shes screaming cuss words and making threats dont engage, dont respond, just speak quietly and slowly. or say nothing at all.

3. dont take it personal. as i said this isnt an attack, her system is completely overloaded.

NOTE: If you feel unsafe or if you really feel like someone is going be seriously hurt, go with your gut to call 911 and PLEASE disclose that this person has autism.

Step 4. recovery.

youll know when the meltdown is over. shell more than likely be very very tired and quiet and maybe not even recall what happen, its best just to let her recover and relax alone. shell rejoin the group when shes ready.


this is a general rule of thumb for a worst case scenario. its OK to ask her and gather as much info as possible to her own personal needs. some of these things may work for her, or they may not. but just remember, stay calm, stay alert, stay safe. (lol)

also its safe to assume shell meltdown, even if she doesnt better safe than sorry.

I have had countless meltdowns breakdowns of crying and screaming in my life OP

I am new to knowledge and understanding of meltdowns. For me, they don't happen very often but when they do, are pretty scary but not violent. I may scream yell rant and rave and carry on expressing my frustration that has over flowed the container in my brain that's too small to contain it.

In my life my, I have an obsession to understand "what makes it work" or "how does something work" or "why does it work". I always try to find a "common denominator" between different episodes. If I find one, it links them together and allows more examination. It is sort of maddening and I can see others are dis-interested in my observations. I also ask, what causes my meltdowns?

I am not to a point where I can forecast a meltdown but I do see that "frustration" is a key emotion at the very beginning of a meltdown. I am working on seeing the frustration and trying to interrupt the subsequent process to avoid the meltdown. So far, it has promising results.

I am new to this website but have been living on the Wrong Planet most of my life. I have often described myself to others by telling them I feel like I am on the wrong planet. Finding others with similar problems has helped me to better understand myself and to be kinder and less critical of me and give myself the kindness and understanding I have always wanted and never got.

I won't claim to be the oldest in years, on this planet, but am pretty close. I was born in 1948, about the time autism was first discovered and described as "refrigerator moms". Now, I am in the final years of my life, my parents have both died, my only sister has finally admitted she never did like me and abandoned any relationship we did have. My first wife and two children chose to live their lives and that doesn't include their father. My 2nd wife is gone and I hope happy. My current wife of 30 years, is afraid she'll say the wrong thing and cause a meltdown. All of this before a diagnosis at age 69.

I'll guess that anybody who has a meltdown afterwards is embarrassed and afraid for it's pretty easy to know what you just did was not normal. Having answers to the what was it, why was it & how did it happen are empowering. I do not like the knowledge of being Asperger's but at the same time, love the knowledge because it gives me power to understand and change.

I am very stubborn and tenacious. I don't know my aspie scores and given the life I lived believe I may only have a dash of autism coupled with a cup of congenital face blindness. If you are younger than me and have a diagnosis of what your challenges are, consider yourself very lucky and blessed. Your not cheering your challenges, only acknowledging that they are there, exist and may be subject to some self regulation (I hope).

Looking back at my life, I see that I took longer to learn things that others seemed to get without effort. That meant, I had to work harder to achieve what NT's do easily and take for granted. When I was 27 years old, I took a class intended to teach, self improvement. I learned that FEAR was like a paper tiger. Big and scary but with nothing to fear. Through effort, I confronted many fears and accomplished things I only dreamed of. The "things" I experienced have provided me with a feeling of being able to complete tasks, achieve goals and experience success. I give great credit to the class I took for it was almost like having "parenting" that I missed.

I was blessed to find a career which exploited my "aspie obsession" and hid my social backwardness. Along the way, I have met and interacted with many people from every walk of life and situation. I have seen other people at their best and at their most vulnerable. In many cases, I wonder how I ever managed to maintain control of my own emotions. I think this is a hint that I may not feel emotions the same as NT's.

What my job was as an "insurance adjuster", what's that? Let's say you have insurance on your house. Bad guys break in and steal your belongings. You have insurance and call the company and ask them to replace what was stolen. Any insurance policy is simply a contract between insurer (company) and insured (person). The "policy" or contract is an agreement between insurer/insured that explains what the insurer will do in the event something happens (loss) that is included in the agreement/policy. The insurance company uses and "adjuster" to learn what happened, and how much money the insurance owes you for your "loss" and arranges for you to be paid. I did this job for over 30 years and became so good at it, I didn't ever consider how socially inept I was.

After I had to retire because of the economical crash my obsessions continued only now without a subject other than me to focus on. Those investigative skills were turned upon myself and here I am.

I have lots to say and think I have much to contribute. But, my level of confidence is pretty low and I'm very sad at the social failures of my life and I believe many people were emotionally hurt by the "social me" that just tried to fit on a planet were I never did fit. For those failures and the unknown people I have hurt from my past, I am so very sorry.

My desire is to make my experience something others can benefit from. I don't have all answers, I may not even have my own. I may have information that will help you to be more understanding and kinder to yourself. If you have a question, I'll do my best to provide and answer without judgement. Helping others has always helped me feel better about myself.

I would ask her about her meltdowns and what she finds most helpful in those moments. There's nothing wrong with asking; it's not a taboo subject.

She might need deep pressure, like a tight hug or weighted blanket, or she might need no touching or interference at all. She may need you to remove certain stimuli from the environment, get everyone out and leave her completely alone, or stay with her until she calms down.

If she head bangs or self-harms otherwise, and you are worried about her safety, it's okay to call the paramedics. Just make sure you discuss it beforehand and let her know that if she has a meltdown, that is what you are going to do. Never spring it on her, or it will make it worse.

Ask if she has a favourite object, sound, smell, etc. that helps calm her, and make sure you know where it is and can access it if she has a meltdown.

Afterwards, she may have trouble talking or understanding directions. Ask about the best way to communicate with her in a post-meltdown state, and make sure she has access to things she can use to communicate. Personally, I am unable to think clearly or make decisions, and find it helpful if my friends take charge for me (e.g, "we're going to sit in the car where it's quiet, okay?" "I'm going to put your weighted blanket on you now," etc.)

Honestly, the most effective way of dealing with an individual person's meltdown is by talking to that person before they have one, and make sure you have a repertoire of tools available that you know will help them when the time comes.

I'm not sure how old she is, but if she is an adult a doctor will occasionally prescribe benzos (Xanax, Valium, etc) for a short time. I've done this quite a few times when I have to travel.