Please help me

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For the past year and a half I've been making various crazy - sounding posts here about problems that I think are being caused by a combination of dissociation and aspergers. As time goes on I've slowly been able to recover without having to go down the crazy paths I've tried to describe before, but there's only so much I can do on my own.

One problem has to do with the fact that ones subjective viewpoint about something can change- because of the unusual way brain pruned all its pathways, it makes it feel like anything thats not absolutely "black or white" feel awkward, and yet it still seems like things need to be absolutely neutral in order to feel balanced, and this all feels like it can't be undone. Any data created between the time that I finally do find what I'm looking for is at risk of feeling like it was never encoded properly.

There's also the fact that my most powerful alt revolves heavily around the ability to inhibit my "intense world", which just doesn't compute to the weaker alts that I need back in order to re-balance everything.

Um... please elucidate your issue and what type of response you are looking for. Scientific argument, philosophical discussion, therapy, sympathy...?
If you're requesting a reconnection of your neurologial pathways, you might be out of luck.

^^^That's pretty much what he is requesting. He has made similar requests before.

A very difficult undertaking, indeed.

He wants to maintain his autistic self; he feels the "real world" is intruding upon it, and making his autistic self "less pure."

I do see his point. I do see how an "autistic viewpoint" can be an enhancement upon "reality."

I feel the best way to go about this---is to find a way to adapt the "autistic self" to the "outer world." And realize that a blend of the solipsistic self and outer world could really be quite rich and multifaceted.

M-hm. I have no knowledge of dissociation issues, but if this is a multiple-personality type of thing, I've heard the person needs to find a way to bring those personalities together, rather than insist they remain "pure" and separate.
This is a bit outside my experience, though!

I don't think this is a "Sybil" kind of situation.

I sense that he used to be quite autistic when he was younger, and longs for the day when he can "recover" that autistic "mindset."

He feels the "real world" has "adulterated" his autism, so to speak.

This is something which probably would have be resolved on his own----or by somebody who has had similar experiences.

Would a certain degree of compartmentalization within the "one self" be a healthier way to manage & maintain these personal distinctions vs. totally separate "alts"?
So, facet A and facet B could both be recognized characteristics of who you are, but differentiate separate modes of viewing the world and solving problems in certain situations.

It's unavoidable; interacting with the world alters everyone. The obnoxious truth is, secluding yourself from it ultimately limits you. I miss some of the aspects of my younger aspie brain, but undoubtedly I've gained new abilities too.

Or maybe I completely misunderstood the OP's situation.

I would agree it's about the ability to compartmentalize.

I hope the OP will respond.

It's kinda like that. The reason why it's so hard to fix is because the inside if my head feels all "numb" and "slippery", because of the fact that avoiding things that trigger intense feelings in the old me alltogether is the only thing that makes the adult me feel right, and because part of the old me revolves around the "reference points" created by these intense things at the very moment I was first exposed to then but anything from the past 7 years that should have become one of those reference points never did correctly

Kudos to anyone who can effectively reply to the OP's requests because, to me, they're vague and make no sense.

I am not sure I have understood you right I had a look at some of your earlier threads and here is an attempt...

On the one hand we have these 'reference points' which are in the past and appear fixed. On the other we have a belief system which includes a particular moral or philosophical standpoint. Together they create a kind of overall narrative that impacts on your levels of satisfaction and day to day contentment levels. The belief system has remained fixed. However, events and changes in how you live now has either not resulted in any new 'reference points' (and you take comfort or security from the establishing of reference points) or maybe even shifted and altered previous reference points.

It is extra hard to go back and re-examine and re-assess previous reference point because of trauma. The trauma makes revising them in a satisfying way where you feel like they are now-feelings that can be looked over and affirmed or discarded very very challenging. When this has happened to me I get exactly the feelings you describe (numbness and slipperiness) and also lots of white light around these intense events as if they are being slowly erased as I try to grasp at them and remember them.

If this is the case then a starting point might be to re-analyse the beliefs and philosophical and moral underpinnings you speak of. It doesn't need to be that these need to be done away with. It might just be that you need to spend some time looking at them closely and either simplifying them or just coming to a new understanding of them. Maybe there is something that has shifted in your relationship to this belief system so this seems a natural place to start.

Once you are content with this re-analysis, perhaps it is a question of re-visiting each reference points and spending as much time as needed examining them until you have found a coherent narrative that fits with the overall belief system.

You might not have to go back all the way through your previous reference points. It might be that there is one particular one that needs modifying a bit for the overall narrative to feel more comfortable to you.

You say in your op that there is only so much you can do on your own. Maybe this is an important point. One of the biggest re-cataloging moments of my life where I had to go back and unravel a previous reference point in light of new evidence, emotions and data was a time where I chose to enlist help. I went for a female minister who officiated at our wedding and did welcoming ceremonies for our daughters. I am not religious in a traditional sense but hold certain philosophical beliefs that equate to a belief system. She acted like a gentle gatekeeper helping me gain better access to a previous reference point which had become hard for me to access alone. Is there someone in your life who might serve a similar function?

I am sorry if I misunderstood you completely and wish you best of luck in arriving at a place you feel more balanced.

Is the numbness and slipperiness something you can impact? Is it like ptsd? There are so many components you just really need to find the right angle to start working on. You want to get to the reference points but it might be you have to start somewhere else entirely.