Calling people out on condescension

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One thing I've had to do now and then, is call attention to people's condescending manner with me - granted, there were a couple of "false positives" in there where the person wasn't being condescending and I was just being thin-skinned...clearly the product of being bombarded with condescension more than the average person and becoming cynical as a result...but regrettably, it doesn't always have the intended effect (apology) when I call them out.

I just say "I wish you wouldn't say that in a condescending manner - I *did* realize [the importance of what you were asking of me]. I'm not the flippant or impulsive type."

I suppose you could phrase it as a semi-rhetorical question to put them on the spot:
"Is there a less condescending way that you could phrase that?"

trouble is, you sometimes get dumbass retorts like, "well if you'd listened to me in the past, then..." or
"I already tried the other approach, and it didn't work, so...."

Well...DID they do that? Already tell you, and try other ways, and etc,?

And if so did you (a) not listen, not respond, not change your behavior? Or (B)is it that you did listen, and do attend to whatever it is theyre concerned about,but they just don't perceive that you do it?

Depending on local culture I think it often feeds the anger to either be condescending or to call somebody out for it. It it were me and if I were thinking quickly enough at the time (don't know how likely that is), I'd say something like "I respect your frustration, but if we're going to work through it then I think we need to keep it civil." It's hard to know the best response. I don't know whether it's a natural result of justifiable anger, or something not so harmless.

My parents, who are long gone now bless 'em, had what I think is the ultimate response to condescension. Thus, it worked for cis-het male who was roughly the size and shape of a large refrigerator, and for cis-het female who was not; which means it will probably work for everyone else, all sizes, shapes, genders, and preferences.

It starts with a long, cool stare, followed by this simple phrase:

"Well, laaaaa (rising tone) deeeeeeee (sustained high tone) daaaaaaaaah (descending tone)."

Then they'd go right back to whatever they were doing before the condescension arrived.

Obviously you don't use this one at work, though. It basically hands the snark right back to the snarker, thank you very much.

There's also "Big Effin Deal!"

Or: "Who died and made you king?"