How do I know if I'm suicidal?

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I've been having involuntary fantasies about suicide for quite a few years once in a while (I am not sure, maybe since I was 15-16, now I'm 25). During the recent 18-24 months thoughts about killing myself come into my mind every other day on average. Whenever I walk on a bridge, a viaduct, or I'm near a deep water reservoir or some similar place where it is possible to take the fatal leap, I automatically imagine me doing the climbing, the jumping, drowning etc. But I never plan to do any of this stuff, I really doubt I could ever take my own life (unless I'm in some unbearable pain). I actually thought about the possibility that I'm suicidal only recently just because I've read that a lot of people kill themselves quite spontaneously. But I'm not sure about myself - am I suicidal or is this some obsessive involuntary thought going through my head? I'm not sure I'm even on the spectrum (by online tests, I have Asperger's but I highly doubt it) - I'm just trying to understand myself and others. Please share if you have any knowledge or experience related to this.

I have occasional suicidal thoughts myself.

I'm usually fairly well-adjusted in life.

In about 2000, I was just about read to put myself in front of cars on a very broad and large street--but I stopped myself. I was also rather depressed in 2011 because of my tax situation.

If your thoughts of suicide comfort you, then you are probably at a high risk of harming yourself.

I really dislike heights because I get a strong desire to jump. I really want to feel myself falling. I tell people I have vertigo but it’s not. I just don’t trust myself not to jump. I feel this way even when I’m not depressed.

Whenever I see a switch, or button, or latch, I tend to want to pull it, or push it.

I have to fight the urge to open a car door while the car is moving sometimes LOL

OMG Wolfman, you are my twin

I drive my wife crazy because I like to move the automatic transmission switch in my car back and forth.....

These sorts of impulses confirm, in me, the fact that I'm autistic.

I believe that is know as L’appel du vide - The call of the void


@OP I have no idea but suicidal ideation can be dangerous , I suffer from it and you can deal when stress is low but it's dangerous if your stressed. Go and see a proffesional - better to be safe than sorry

i have never had any desire to commit suicide.
i believe you only get 1 life, and after that it's never forever.
i did suddenly develop a fear of heights when i was 19.

there was bushland near our house, and there was a river running through it, and there was a trail between one side of the bush to the other side, and it greatly reduced the distance i had to walk to a shop on the other side that sold excellent meat pies.
the trail came to a pipe crossing the river. the pipe was about 2 ft wide. the pipe was about 200 ft long and was about 150 ft from the floor of the valley it crossed most of the way across. (where the river was).

i always just boldly walked over it without any worry whatsoever, but one day when i was crossing, i looked down and thought "if i lose my footing now i will certainly die".
then i had a panic attack and thought "what if i suddenly went mad right here?"
so i crouched down and crawled on my hands and knees all the way across the rest of the way.
i was so worried i may somehow lose my coordination, and once i got over the pipe, i was so relieved.
needless to say, i caught a taxi back home after going to the shop. there was no way i was going to go back over the pipe.
i never did it again.

being suicidal is pretty simple to identify.

just ask. do you want to die?

there are levels of being suicidal, all should be taken seriously.

do you have a plan? how often do you think about taking your life?

Yes, yes, yes! Thank you. That article even mentions the pull of trains going past platforms. I always have to stand right at the back of the platform because I want to jump. My Grand Father did jump in front of a train and I have to admit I’ve always thought it was a weird genetic thing

I've got to tell you guys, never go on a sightseeing trip to the fjords in Norway! Boy do those voids call! Personally I can't do anything like ski-lifts or open mountain lifts as I just get so obsessed with jumping. None, of that is suicial for me though, it is just highly uncomfortable.

The time period of my life, brief but horrible, when I was suicidal I would go out and lie in the snow until I couldn't feel anything. It might have been the lamest and tamest way to commit suicide but I was 14/15. Even then it was more of a coping strategy. And I always got up and walked away.

This might not resonate because again it is a though pattern that I came up with when I was 15 in response to my own suicidal thoughts and it is fairly juvenile.... but what got me out of it was the realisation that not having to preserve ones life was in fact a great freedom.... it meant one could really do anything one wanted, go anywhere one wanted and not be stuck worrying about ones safety and getting it right. There were so many adventures to be had. That is what I thought then. Now in having lots of those adventures, taking risks, being free I have so much to live for.

But what it I am pining for the fjords........... sorry couldn’t resist a Monty Python quote

https://youtu.be/4vuW6tQ0218

You get on with life, but at the same time you don't want to, you just want everyone to think you are happy but in reality, you really aren't.

So funny.... Thanks!

I've had anxiety that I'll jump off sometimes, but I love life and want to live forever. I think it is demonic attack.