Scary thoughts

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I've been having some weird, uncomfortable thoughts lately, and I don't really know what to do about it. I've been scared to tell anyone about them in real life, cause I find them pretty embarrassing. I thought I'd do it here, just to see if anyone had something to say. I've struggled a lot with anxiety before, but this seems more like paranoid thoughts. Don't know if the two of them are connected.

The thoughts consist of:
- someone hurting me (even loved ones), like poisoning my food or planning to seriously hurt me. I know it sounds crazy, and I know logically that it is not true, but I still get the thoughts.
- worrying that I'll hurt myself (not actually doing it, but I'm actually scared to be alone in case I do)
- thinking that people are either in love with me or hates me.
- worrying that I'll actually 'go crazy' or lose control over myself in some way, in public. I think it started when I began dealing with derealization/depersonalization, which is also a huge problem for me. I tend to have these thoughts more when I'm dissociated.

Just for the record, I've never outwardly acted in any way that indicates that I've been having these thoughts. I keep them for myself. And again, I don't believe in them 100% because as you can tell, I know they're not 'normal'.

It sounds like OCD intrusive thoughts. OCD is not always about contamination and rituals. However, I'm not a doctor, so you can disregard this. I'm just someone who very likely meets the OCD criteria but never got it investigated.

I was actually described as having OCD tendencies as a kid, so maybe I should look more into that?

I think it'll be worth looking into, since OCD is a common co-morbid of Asperger's.

yeah, so I've heard. I don't have any compulsions though.

I haven't been diagnosed but for what it's worth I've also had similar thoughts to you ( and much wierder ) , don't feel scared to share these thoughts with your Doctor. I thought is was paranoia for 20 odd years , in the last few years I come to see it as anxiety and since joining this forum it seems like OCD intrusive thoughts. All I can say if you ever feel like hurting yourself , tell someone you trust as soon as possible as these intrusive thoughts can escalate if your depressed.

^^agreed

It definitely sounds like OCD, I actually have OCD, and what you described, I also have. maybe you should do some research, you might find some interesting stuff that you might be able to related to, that's related to OCD.

I wouldn't diagnose yourself, though, unless you're 100% sure you have it, but I would still recommend a diagnose.

I don't want to scare you but what you described sounds exactly what happens to me before I have a nervous breakdown ( pyschotic breakdown or whatever it is I have) , it is far better to ask a medical professional about it a.s.a.p because for me I can get myself in such a state I am scared of even the medical profession.

Ok, I certainly will. I really hope it's "just" OCD. Do you mind me asking what this "nervous breakdown" is like? You don't have to answer, it's basically to have a couple signs to look out for I guess.

I think breakdown's are different for everyone and it may not happen to you but if it helps I'll explain my worst nightmares.

It usually starts with the 'paranoia type' intrusive thoughts just infrequently as you have already experienced , but gradually they increase with intensity and volume.
Then what usually are normal coincidences start to happen more and more and you begin to question if they are coincidences and not a conspiracy ( I think my mind goes into a caveman hypervigilant mode and just constantly looks for danger so even the most innocuous incident has some relevance ) . Trust goes out the window even with family.
While all this is going on you can pretty quickly rationalise that it's all in your head but you just don't understand the intrusive thoughts, but as you slide deeper into a breakdown it takes longer to rationalise these thoughts until eventualy you have a hard time keeping a grip on reality. You start to think you've lost your mind , get scared , anxious and for me it's so distressing all I want to do is stop it so I'll make a suicide plan. Unfortunately once you have a suicide plan and are in a midst of a breakdown it doesn't take much before you act on it.

Almost definitely OCD. I've had OCD since I was 7 and it can manifest in all sorts of ways. It's not uncommon to have intrusive thoughts without compulsions and the type you seem to be experiencing are pretty typical of what people call 'harm OCD'.

What do you think about what I described then NikNak , it's that some type of OCD or something else?

I couldn't say for certain but it could be OCD? Left unchecked the symptoms can intensify. At worst I've sat up screaming and crying and begging a god I don't believe in to just 'take me' because I was having intrusive thoughts about death and couldn't leave the house without relating everything back to death and dying. I've also been very distressed because my OCD was telling me I might be a paedo which I definitely am not and once I FINALLY spoke to a professional about it (and I was terrified to do so) it got better. Prozac also helps.

Either way, it sounds as though it would be well worth your time seeking profession help for your symptoms as whatever the cause they are clearly causing a lot of stress. If you think it might be OCD then seeking a professional who deals with OCD would be very helpful. Paranoid symptoms aren't uncommon and can be treated or at the very least better managed

What I described has happened to me at least 4/5 times in my life and though I'm currently under psychiatric care ( although I get signed off after each new course of meds ) OCD has never been mentioned , I'm waiting for an ASD assessment so hopefully that will point me in the right direction. I have also asked a god I don't believe in whether I should take my life or not ( I thought I got an answer as well as there was a clap of thunder shortly after ). The Paedo thing sounds terrible especially in the current climate ( Is it that you thought you were , or you think people think you are ?), I'm sure it's not the same but when I was a teen I thought everyone thought I was gay and started to question it myself , it was made that much worse due to the amount of homophobia in my peers. I do occasionally get that intrusive thought but nowadays It doesn't bother me that much if I think people think I am gay.

The paedo thing was probably the worst in terms on disturbing content. I thought I might be one and would be trapped in these endless circles of doubt and research. Anything to do with paedos was a trigger as well as things to do with kids. I still get triggered but rarely it's far less powerful now. My psychologist happens to be familiar with OCD AND has treated actual paedos and had zero doubt I was an OCD case which was very reassuring.

Ah I didn't realise you were under care. What are they treating you for?

It doesn't sound as if they are being very helpful if they keep signing you off. Do they offer follow up care?

I hope your ASD assessment comes through as that will hopefully be very reassuring.