How do you react when you find out

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that someone has been consistently lying about you to other people?

Because I am finding that my anger is becoming increasingly dysregulated.

Honestly, my first inclination is to hunt them down and do some very nasty things to them (that I would never actually do). In reality, I just avoid them and never speak to them again.

This person is related to me. Most people I've dealt with who were this difficult to be around, I just cut them off. I don't have that option in this case.

Would anything positive come from confronting them with what you know and letting them know how it makes you feel? Or would they just get angry and deny everything? I know sometimes this can also be tough to do with family members because you have to implicate other family members when you present your evidence.

This one? No. She's 20 years old and hasn't matured a day since she was 13, and probably even earlier. The last time I confronted her she accused me of a laundry list of things that she does on a nearly daily basis that I don't actually do.

I also find it extremely difficult to maintain any kind of facade around her. I can't even take her seriously because she accuses me of so many things that are simply not even remotely true that anything she does say is immediately suspect to me. The fact that she's been lying to other people about me simply makes it that much worse.

Do the people she has been telling the lies to take her seriously? Do they believe her, or are they just coming back to you with what she has said so that you will be aware of what's going on? It sounds like a difficult situation; stuff like this is a big reason why I rarely associate with anyone, even members of my extended family.

If I could live alone and never talk to any of these people again I would do it in a nanosecond. I'm sick of the gaslighting and abuse apologism going on, plus all the "You must be mistaken so-and-so would never say/do that" even when they did in fact just say and/or do that.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone believes her. It's been going on for some time and one person only just mentioned it to me last night. Since I don't particularly feel supported or believed, I don't have any faith in anyone else.

I am the least drama-prone person in this house, and I have someone bound and determined to drag me into her personal damage. So tired of it.

I'd get really angry, meltdown badly, then cut them out of my life. And then probably continue to have meltdowns triggered by them for about 6 months.

I used to have a friend who was the best of friends to my face but called me very badly behind my back, real nasty stuff apparently, so bad that people would not repeat it too my face. They just warned me to stay away from him but I was so gullible I believed he was my friend. Anyway it all sort of back fired for him, he did make me look foolish ,gullible and weak minded but he also looked nasty, malicious and two faced. Nobody likes or trusts him anymore and I suspect he has some issues , he actually fits the critieria for Narcissistic Personality disorder perfectly

This is what I'm doing, except for the cutting them out of my life part.



Actually, this person has some narcissistic traits.

I'd go into extreme rage mode. I mean seriously I would. That s**t would piss me off, I have no tolerance for that kind of crap and I'd probably do what Tuttle would do, cut them out of my life. All though I have leniences when it comes to my siblings, the middle child for a long time lied to everyone telling them we were not brothers. It took me a while to forgive him, however, I did eventually because he was a sibling. But to many built bridges to burn them down on my patients and now I no longer make any bridges for people to cross when it comes to lies. The moment you lie about something, the moment you tell a lie, the moment I catch a lie I won't go through it again you're out.

People know how nice I am, yet when somebody spreads a lie about me, they always get believed for some reason.

I'd recommend trying to cut them out of your life as much as possible. I know when things similar to that happened to me, I needed to do so in order to cope at all.



We seem to be good targets for narcissists. It really bothers me. Unfortunately the narcissist that targeted me (and accused me of being abusive for having meltdowns at all and convinced people I was abusive towards him) is still thought to be an entirely good person by most of the people around me .

Z truth eventually comes out.

I think I've been very misunderstood, and you hear in specific ways what other's opinions of you are. If they are intellectually honest, then it takes perseverance to wait for the correct view to surface. There really isn't another way around it.

When I hear something I tend to take it with a grain of salt. Usually it's Chinese telephone, and it's an utter joke when the real deal manifests.

It hurts though when you are on the receiving end, but likely it works out as I stated in the above.

Last edited by Mdyar on 22 Mar 2012, 5:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would want to know why they said that. Maybe they had misunderstood me or have the wrong idea about me. But if they were just making stuff up like events or situations, then yeah I would be mad. That actually happened to me when I was in 5th grade. My old friend did that and my mother says she was a coward because she did it when I wouldn't be on the bus and that be every Monday morning. Some things she said about me were true but she left out the fact she would also do those things to me too and she also bullied me and we both bugged each other in school plus she was whining about things that happened back in second grade. At first it didn't bother me because what she was saying was true until I found out she was also lying about me too. Who knows, maybe she was crazy and she actually believed all those things herself. There is no way there was some misunderstanding or a miscommunication because she told everyone I pulled my pants down at recess out in the field and I never did that. Or unless another student did it and she thought it was me. Who knows. Mom told me if she did that as an adult, we could have sued her. You can sue people for lying about you because it's slander. So yeah people do get sued for even telling the truth about others so that means if you have no proof it happened, be careful because that person can sue you for it. That means you can be sued for ranting about your situation problem. People abuse the laws. I think they do it for revenge and they don't like the truth being told about them because it's all about their reputation so if they can sue, it makes them look innocent.


But I chewed the old friend out on the bus. That's how I handled it. Then after that she never talked about me again on the bus. I sure didn't hear again from other kids what was said about me and being asked if I did this or that or my brothers saying she talked about me again so I assume she didn't. Probably because she knew she wouldn't be taken seriously.

Ideally, If I was certain of the situation, I would gently confront them about what they said, using my belief that, once the confrontation is over, my anger will likely have dissipated, as a way to remain calm. In my experience, it is possible that the other party would deny, or attempt to alter details of the event in explaining what had happened. I would patiently allow them to contunue, still focussing on remaining calm. When they are finished, I will calmly tell them my conclusion. If they become abusive, then I will focus on remaining calm, and tell them that I am not allowing what they say to upset me, that their bullying does not have the power to hurt me, and I am not afraid of their threats.

I have only achieved the above when medicated, and the other party ignored me for a week before weakly apologising, including in their reason for the latter, that it was due to their concern for another family member's health.

Sorry to read of your situation.