intro and a couple of questions.

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Hello everyone; I’m hoping the day is treating you well.
I’m new here and hoping I can sort some things out over time. Maybe make a friend or two.
As of right now I am self diagnosing/researching but the more I have read about Aspergers the past few months, the more it’s channeling me to see a Dr. about it (waiting on insurance) online tests suggest 42%-52% on the spectrum.

I am forty and for MANY years I believed that the issues I had growing up were emotional problems I gained from a bad upbringing, being sent away to a care facility for troubled kids, aging Out of a group home and about 12 school changes before I even got to high school. Had a dysfunctional family from the start for sure.

I dug deeper past that thought to get in tune with what I was thinking and feeling before the chaos and I remember how badly EVERYTHING was a complete irritant to my senses (even the sunlight) but I was too young to express that. At 5,6,7years old
I used to only say “I don’t feel good” ...what’s wrong?! ...I don’t know! And I would cry and or hide. I wouldn’t go to school, I threw a fit when someone tried to dress me or put socks on me, smells made me nauseous/upchuck, I didn’t want to be near people I didn’t know and I had no care in the world about getting to know them. I simply wanted to be home.
I never had a good attention span but some how passed every test put in front of me with the exception of spelling. I would sometimes write numbers into my words like 7even instead on seven. I learned basic physics but still to this day find algebra to be a language I’ll never fully grasp.
There is a lot more I want to share but right now my one main question is;
What are/is there any correlation to Aspergers and any sleep disorders?

I have the most vivid paranoid dreams that when I wake up alone sometimes I cry, have anxiety, and or I am super pissed off. If I’m in a relationship the person is cheating on me in my dreams, it’s all totally wrong and shouldn’t be happening. It’s really wearing me down and I believe I’ve never gotten a good safe feeling nights sleep ever.
I don’t know where I am when I wake up, alarm clocks might as well be air raid sirens and bells of certain death. I am a very deep sleeper but certain thing startle me awake and screw me up for a while. if I am sleeping and someone even stands over me or touches me I start kicking around a little bit from being startled awake even though it could be done gently.

I am very curious as to why my “issues?” Carry on into my sleep.

Very sorry for the long post; I’m usually a bit more organized but have a lot on the emotional plate and it’s sometimes hard to get started.

Thank you for being here, I really like this site so far and I am reading post that I can relate to!

-JJ

Welcome to Wrong Planet! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process

I'm not sure about the vivid dreams so much, but falling asleep/staying asleep at normal times seems to be common for those on the spectrum.

Sounds very much like you have some sensitivity & anxiety as a big part of the picture.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I've found out here that a lot of things that I thought were my unique issues and mental or sensory phenomena are actually shared by others and it has been helpful to me.

I'm autistic and have PTSD from extended trauma in childhood. A lot of what you describe sounds familiar. Therapists kept reminding me that I was on the autism spectrum, but I attributed my issues solely to my upbringing for a very long time. I was denying the impact of my autism, which I had been conditioned by my parents to do when I was a kid. I have sensory processing disorder and sensory sensitivity, direct sunlight wipes me out quickly, motion, heat, certain smells really get to me... I would complain of being sick and missed school some in elementary school - I had (and still have) gastrointestinal problems related to my autism - a nervous stomach, duodenal spasms, etc. Like you described, I didn't like being touched or dressed, although it was a lot worse when I was 2 or 3 years old - I still remember the spitting rage I had when my mother would put a spoon with food in my mouth (I felt like I was being attacked, like I was choking and gagging), that desire to bite, lol. I used to try to run away and hide (in the back of the closet, in the doghouse in the yard, etc.). I relate to the sleep-related anxiety you describe too, some of which is related to abuse I went through. The anxiety from the abuse would surface in my dreams as vivid and sometimes repeating nightmares. My anxiety is usually worst when I wake up - I feel like I'm literally vibrating and I get back spasms. In my anxiety, the first thing I do when I get up is check my cats to make sure they're still alive. Whatever alarm sound I'm using turns into the sound of rapidly-impending doom after a couple of weeks. It's really no fun, but at least I understand it now. If I'm sleeping and, as you describe, someone stands over me or makes a sound and wakes me, I go through an initial intense panic reaction and my heart races and sometimes I have trouble catching my breath. It took me a long time to realize that in my own case I was both autistic and had strong reactions from childhood trauma.