Welcome to wrong planet.
Your experiences mirror what a lot of us middle aged "aspies" have gone through.
You and I were not the only ones who did not know. Hardly anybody knew when we were growing up and well into our adulthood.
At least unlike many Autistics that came before us, we found out before leaving this earth.
So how did you eventually find out?
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman