Do I have Asperger's?

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Hello,
I'm new to this forum, so please excuse me if I do something wrong.

I'm a 14 year old boy and wondering if I have Asperger's. I have always felt different, but I first considered Asperger's when a person my age told me that I seem like I am on the spectrum (she's neurotypical, but her mum is an aspie). I've considered it for a month or two now. I'll give the main reasons.

I struggle with social situations. My friend tells me that I often miss sarcasm. I find conversations really hard and sometimes don't know what to say or if I should say it. This makes me very nervous to the point that, after a conversation, I realise that I'm really tense and hot. I think I have offended people on occasion without realising what I said was 'wrong'. I have to plan what I am going to say to bus drivers, lollipop (wo)men etc. and I practise in my bedroom. If they say something that isn't along the lines of what I'd expect them to say, I finish what I was going to say anyway (even if it's completely out of context (ie. Lollipop man: "Morning! I see you're carrying an instrument. Music day today, is it?", Me: "I'm fine thanks. How are you?")), panic, stutter a little and try to escape as quickly as possible.

I always seemed mature for my age. My mum has told me this, as well as my teachers, right from before year 1. I disliked nursery and I never really enjoyed pretending (the only one time I can remember myself pretending was when I was pretending to be an adult), and when I got into year 1 and we were given work to do, I felt much more comfortable at school.

I have three friends that I would consider 'close'. They are all boys, and intelligent like me, but I still feel like I have to pretend to an extent to fit in.

I don't (like to) make eye contact. I know that it is polite and a 'life skill' as they say, so I just look at the person's fringe/eyebrows/bridge of their nose for a bit, look away for a second, then repeat.

I am physically rather awkward. By this, I mean that I don't swing my arms. Rather, I hold them in front of me unless I have two objects to hold (I don't cope with only having one thing (for example, going shopping and only getting one bag), because it means that I have to let the other arm loose. To avoid this, I take a book with me and hold that with my other arm).

I am very clever and I find memorising strings or formulae effortless; for example, Wi-Fi passwords, foreign irregular verbs, complex formulae etc. To give a rough idea, I am good at music, maths, science, languages and atrocious at sports and art.

I don't really know if I'm hypersensitive; however, I find too much noise difficult to deal with. This can be if many people are talking, or if I need to do something, but there is background noise. I think that I maybe struggle to filter unimportant noise. In terms of light, I am again unsure, as I have never looked through another person's eyes as it were. I sometimes find outside too bright (maybe this is why I don't like spring very much, as winter is darker, but during the transition to spring, it gets brighter outside). I can't comment on smells because I have congenital anosmia.

I often feel completely overwhelmed, but I don't believe I've ever had a 'meltdown'. Usually, I can calm down by taking myself somewhere darker and quiet to close my eyes and take deep breaths for a bit. If it's during the day, I go to a toilet cubicle to be quiet and breathe for a bit (I guess that's an advantage to anosmia!). The piano is the only other way that I've found of calming me down. It isn't as effective, but it's so much better than nothing.

I have a very, very strong interest in pianos. By very, I mean that I barely think about anything else! I am a very good pianist and I spend many hours a day practising. I want to be a professional pianist when I'm older. I feel that I struggle to communicate normally, but when I play the piano, everyone listens, and I finally feel understood. I can't say enough how important piano is to me. I consider the piano my best friend. When I play, I can cry (I often do), feel happy, cross, excited and more without the confusion of doing it normally. I can convey it all through the piano. The piano is like a translator to me. Things that I can't express on my own can be let free through piano. If I can't play (if I'm away visiting family for a few days and there are no piano shops nearby etc.), I can feel very cranky and when I am finally reunited with the piano, it's like opening a flood gate. My emotions can come flooding out and it makes me feel so relieved.

I get very anxious when things change. For example, my favourite teacher is leaving in the summer and I'm terrified. I get non-literal 'butterflies in my stomach' if I think about it. When we had snow, school was cancelled for a day, and this was very disconcerting for me. I don't like changes to my routine. Even in holidays, I get up at the same early time, have breakfast at the same time etc. as I would during term time.

I don't know whether it would be worth noting that I have absolute pitch, but I heard that 1 in 20 people that have it are on the spectrum.

I wonder if I could have Asperger's, but have gone unnoticed due to my academic stability.

I've taken some online tests and (I know they aren't completely accurate) have scored an average AQ of 47.

Based on this, does it sound like I am aspie?

Many, many 'thank you's for reading such a long message. I look forward to hearing your responses.

Last edited by ILikePianos on 26 Mar 2018, 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's definitely not out of the realm of possibility. Have you ever been assessed for it?

Do you like grand pianos better than spinet pianos?

I've never had a formal assessment for it.

I love grand pianos. If we had room in our house, I'd have a Steinway Model D, but we don't have the money or room in our house for an 8 3/4' piano that can fill a 2,000 seat hall without a microphone!

Welcome,

Indeed. The eloquence of your writing, and your objective but cautious attitude, are testament to that.

Naturally, a 100% diagnosis isn't really possible via a forum like this (I doubt very much that I really need to tell you that), but you certainly seem to have many traits which are consistent with an autism spectrum condition, and many which are familiar to me from my own teenage years. The way you described your relationship with pianos and music was simply beautiful - I'm just a lowly bass player, but I know just what you mean about playing music opening up emotional channels which are otherwise inaccessible.

Not being able to experience the world through another's senses is a problem that I'm sure many of us here have struggled with if we weren't diagnosed very young; but I get the feeling that if you hang around here for a while, you'll find yourself having quite a few "Aha! moments" as you read through other member's experiences (I still do three years after my official diagnosis!) Make sure to collect those, as they will be invaluable if you do decide to seek a more formal diagnosis or just wish to self-diagnose with reasonable confidence (I sorely wish I had done that at the beginning of my journey.)

The only way you'll "do something wrong" is if you insult somebody personally, say something like "I love Adolf Hitler," or post the same thing in two separate subforums.