Unsociable Days

Post Reply New Topic

Something I have observed about myself throughout the years.

I get days occasionally where I would go into a shell, end up not wanting to talk to anyone, where I would rather sit in a room on my own, if I am in a place with people around I either have my phone out or might read something so I am not disturbed. When I am like this I am prone to losing my temper at people.

Like I said when this happens it would last a few days and then when I snap out of it the only way I can describe it it is like coming out of a tunnel.

Does anyone else get days like that.

Yes, totally all the time. It is necessary recharging once I get depleted. A coping strategy to not get pushed over the edge.

Absolutely I need alone time regularly to recharge and process my thoughts and emotions. I get crabby and prone to meltdowns if I can't be left alone for awhile.

On occasion, yes. And by "on occasion", I mean "usually after a long evening spent out and about with people".

Yeah, sure. I experience this feeling most of the time these days.

Do you think this gets worse / harder as you get older? I am undecided whether it is getting harder for me because of age (I am in my late 30s) or whether it is harder because I now live in a family of 4 and so my natural state is depletion as I have very little alone time. I don’t remember it feeling this hard before I had children.

It’s both harder and easier.

My need for “aloneness” has gotten more acute.

My ability to adjust when “aloneness” is impossible has gotten better, though.

I have days like that, but I assumed it was related to depression. Maybe I'm wrong. It's being short tempered with other people that's the weird thing.

From my vantage point, I would want that "one hour" to turn into "two hours," or even more.

If I'm in a certain sort of reverie, like that found in meditation (which is almost certainly what you do when you're "in the dark"), it's difficult for me to break out of it. It makes me feel tired and irritable.

^ True.

I have found something that really helps me. In a large gathering I focus in on just one person and try to make myself instrumental to helping that person and using them to guide my behaviour. For example, if I choose my mother in law, then I just guide my choices dependent on how I can best help and serve her. It sounds odd but it really helps. Atleast then I forgo all the nervous energy of not knowing where to direct my attention. After trying that I have figured out that if I make my social interactions goal-driven as opposed to just aimless socialising, it doesn’t appear to exhaust me quite as much.

Yep. Having a tangible goal does make things easier, and less aimless.

And it benefits the mother-in-law, in this particular case.

The older I get the more days feel like that

And when I feel that way it lasts longer than a day

How dysfunctional

This is urban United States

Short of living in the wild, or agoraphobia, there are not many alternatives to social interaction

Buddhist monastery

Not to mention that I do not have the IQ score for a job that does not involve a lot of inherent social customer interaction

Hard to tell these days, as I get a lot of decompression time and I rarely get into the kind of social situations I find difficult for very long. Retirement is like that. I've not often felt the pressure to get away from people I see as reasonably safe and having similar ways and core values to me, so the random mix of people where I used to work, for example, were somewhat draining and I always went home at lunchtime, even pre-diagnosis, in spite of some management pressure not to, and I was pretty firm about the working day ending on time. I don't like being anywhere where I think I'm being judged, and there's a lot of it about if I get into the wrong circles. In the right circles the worst feeling I've ever had is a bit of frustration that my social life is getting in the way of my getting other things done. I seem able to go for months without being away from my partner at all. We probably experience more social fatigue when socialising with others as a couple, because it's a more complicated social situation, but a couple seeking privacy is pretty normal. One-on-one is a lot easier than anything else, in many ways.

So I don't get unsociable days as such, the timing is different and the unsociability depends a lot on who the company is.