Wow! I’ve been pretty bowled over the last several days, more than a little self-absorbed (though apparently not unexpected). Pursuant to understanding my father-in-law, who has dementia and likely ASD/Asperger’s, I was researching ASD and, despite what I thought I knew, found myself getting answers to incredibly enigmatic questions that have plagued me for years. I had read a bit about autism in the past, but dismissed possible relevance.
I’m 45 and have comorbid OCD (since 17), BDD (since 19 though this has thankfully mellowed over the years), Inattentive ADHD - though at this point I’m thinking ASD possibly explains this better.
I know some are not surprised when they realize they likely have it. Never for a moment has this been the case for me. I’m very critical when evaluating things that are important and it’s very hard to “move” me. I’m definitely moved, however. I have known forever that I was different, but to be this (apparently) blind to traits of myself - good and bad - is absolutely an unprecedented experience for me.
Incidentally, my mom has always told me she figured her dad may have had “Asperger’s” (her explanation behind this reasoning made a lot of sense). Additionally on mom’s side, I suspect my uncle and/or cousin have it, but I realize I may be overgeneralizing their behavior to be more remarkable than it is. On dad’s side, my grandmother was quite emotionally detached and had the presence and personality of a fruit fly. I suspect a neurological problem/possible ASD.
My “profile” regarding ASD seems based mostly on retreating inside myself, obsessing about random, often superficial though overwhelmingly original - I’ve never heard of anyone else considering/conceiving anything in the realm of some of the odd obsessions I’ve had. Obsessions were intense enough to supplant the motivation to socialize, perhaps, especially in childhood. I knew I was quite unique and weird but felt I had enough self-awareness for this to be mostly a blessing. I still feel this way I think, but I now realize there’s a part of my identity I had been almost blind to - which is amazing and intimidating.
04 May 2018, 12:41 am
