If someone says autistic people have to adjust

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If that is said, what is your reaction? If a critics of autistic people says "You have to adjust to the world, the world does not have to adjust to you at all"? What is your reaction to that? It seems even some of those on the spectrum [Temple Grandin] feel that way. If you are told that, what does it make you feel? It seems common to believe that autistic people are asking their communities to do too much in adapting to who they are and that it needs to be entirely the opposite.

Personally I think that, to some degree at least, telling someone on the spectrum to just adjust to the world is analogous to telling someone with a broken leg to just adjust and walk.

On the other hand social ques, body language and facial expressions can be learned in order to seem "nromal," but only to a certain extent.

Personally I think that, to some degree at least, telling someone on the spectrum to just adjust to the world is analogous to telling someone with a broken leg to just adjust and walk.

On the other hand social ques, body language and facial expressions can be learned in order to seem "nromal," but only to a certain extent.

I educate people and monologue to them for a long time about how we are constantly having to adjust to everything all the time and how exhausting it is and how it can eventually cause neurological damage after you have had to do it for decades and your brain begins to literally shut itself down. Then I give them analogies and ask them how they would feel it they had to be the ones constantly adjusting to everything all the time and I let them know that they would probably not be able to survive for a week in my shoes. once they realize all the adjusting that we have to do on a daily basis just to survive every day, they tend to lighten up and stop saying stupid insensitive and mean things like that. Some of them even apologize.

I like and respect Temple Grandin but she does not speak for all of us. Her experience is unique to her as each person's life experience is unique to him or her. People hang on to her every word as if it is Autism advice in solid gold. She does say a lot of things that are good advocacy for the community but some of the things she says really do not apply to every Autistic person. It is important that when we advocate, we speak from our own experiences. I tell people what whatever I share with them from my own experience might be what their loved one is experiencing as well but it also might not be because we are all different. And if what I say is something that can be helpful to them in their situation with their Autistic loved one or if it sounds like what their loved one might be going through, than by all means, use it to help. But I remind them that it is also possible that their loved one is experiencing things differently than I do and that is ok and they just have to try to understand what he or she is going through. But it is important that society does not treat Temple as some Autistic guru whose word is final. I am not Temple. One of my very Autistic friends does not think in pictures at all. He cannot visualize anything at all ever. So if people expect each one of us to be able to adjust just like Temple did, they are in for a rude awakening.

Now we can adjust to some things and we should be expected to within reason. But to be asked to adjust to things that are impossible for us to adjust to is not fair. Like there is nothing I can do to adjust to when people play boom boom bass on a stereo. No headphones of earplugs have helped me at all. I have spent hundreds of dollars over decades trying to find something that will work. The sound just has to stop or I have to get away from it. It is not reasonable for people to expect me to adjust to that. It is also not reasonable for them to discipline me for having massive meltdowns or for going into shock which does happen to me. It would be much more reasonable to expect the people playing the music to adjust by simply turning it off. Why should I be expected to adjust in that situation? Why should i pay thousands of dollars to have my eardrums and bones in my scalp removed? Why can't they just turn a button and turn it off for the few moments that I am there? When people tell me that I should adjust to everything, I throw it back in their faces and tell them that they should adjust from being entitled selfish pricks.

I believe the "at all" shouldn't be there. Sure autistic people have to adjust but the world should let us do it. It's not fair we can't live normal lives because of some invisible barriers built by society.

There are all kinds of help for blind people - the floor near stairs in public spaces are painted in bright colors etc. and they are allowed to bring dogs where usually dogs are not allowed.
And people on wheelchair get special restrooms and ramps.

We need similar accommodations in homes, school and workplaces. In form of reminders/cues about social rules, assistants teachers/peer buddies and sensory friendly environments.

BTW. Sensory friendly environments also help normal people - it's just easier to focus there.

You need to adjust to some degree, as all people must, but you can also be yourself as long as you are within the limits of the norms. There is quite a bit of stuff I do as a person with ASD that I can get away with.

I guess a deaf person should just start hearing then, instead of needing things like sign language and closed captioning.

And forget about blind people needing braille or guide dogs, they should just start seeing instead.

And people in wheelchairs should stop whining about a lack of wheelchair ramps or not being being able to park in a handicapped space. They just should get up and start walking.

In fact let's just put all disabled people on a rocket ship to the moon, because we're clearly not people and we're worthless and the world doesn't need to change for us.

Well, UK society has forced UK citizens to adjust to non-British races and religions, so surely people with neurological disabilities can be adjusted to by neurotypicals.

I know this might sound unpopular, but I get offended when I am told I "don't" have to adjust. Particularly, when I promise to a girl I want to date, or to a professor I want to work with, that I will change my personality / study habbits, and they are like "oh no you don't have to change you have to be who you are" (meaning that no they won't date me/ work with me, but that is totally fine, since the most important thing is I would get to be who I am, I just won't have anyone to date/ work with). Its like a black person being told "oh no don't work at this job, working is too much like slavery, and you have to be truly free, so please be on a welfare instead". Yeah look at that last welfare part of it: so it would be someone PRO-welfare, probably a democrat, telling black person this. Discriminate against the black in the name of tolerance. Same goes to discriminating against Asperger on the name of tolerance. There were too many aspies telling NT-s how they don't want to be "forced" to socialize. So that message got through. Unlike the 90-s, nobody forces aspies to socialize, they are allowed to be who they are! The only problem is that I am not one of those aspies who apparently have no need for social contact, I actually need some social validation. Yet due to what those "other" aspies have taught everyone else, people just allow me to "be who I am" aka they ostracize me.

On the other hand if someone were to tell me I have to adjust I would take it as a compliment. I would be like "WOW finally somebody believes I CAN adjust" that is quite encouraging, since most of the people nowdays don't actually think I can so they gave up on me and it is super frustrating.

It's both ways
Personally I can see allot of things in reality which are in need of big changes
However, how you behave and blend with reality also has an impact on your life

Good relationships are mostly built on compromises. There are a number of pejoratives for people who give up everything for other people such as "sheep", "weak" "too eager to please". Pejoratives for people who expect the other people to give up everything for them, "narcissist", "bully", "entitled".

Yet if you are autistic you are wrong and must completely conform. How is that ok? A pejorative for that thinking in an autism context is "ablelist". There is a phrase for Autistics who buy into the notion that they are wrong and must spend all their time and energy trying to be "normal" is "internalized ableism". Most autistics partially or completely internalize ableism to some degree.

Too much attention gets paid to social justice warrior autistics who expect the world to pander to us. For some reason, the Neurodiversity movement has been successfully defined by its opponents in this fashion.

Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 23 Apr 2018, 7:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it is an excuse for inaction and discrimination. Historically, the normative population demanded of physically handicapped people to "adjust" or keep out of sight - the failure to assume responsibility for an equal playing field meant that public buildings refused for a long time to make these accessible; the same has happened to many minority groups, sending the message that participation in public life is for the abled, and any one else was unworthy as a second class citizen. Inclusion requires as a basis an attitude supporting, and a commitment to, equity as a principle - equity of access, equity of opportunity, and programmes which enhance access to equity. Unequal societies don't want to support this, because the majority are the status quo and as the status quo suits them, to hell with the others. Or they make token gestures which hypocritically are presented as solutions, when they are just window dressing. Normative populations are self serving in the main, but hey, don't we know that. The campaigns for equity are usually driven by the affected minorities, not the power structures. That speaks volumes about who is considered to be "deserving". Progress is made slowly - too slowly in my opinion - and grudgingly. Hypocritically it is presented when it happens as a big favour to dis-abled people, rather than a human right to participation. Even worse, people shut out by normative discrimination are then blamed for their low participation rates. But political hypocrisy and selfishness is nothing new.

Everyone should feel empowered to be openly themselves, no one should be so entitled as to think others should change to be like them. I don't really see compromise or anyone adjusting as the best way. I see communication, clear intentions, listening to and understanding perspectives, and tolerance for differences as a way to peacefully coexist.

At the end of the day, it's about the imbalance and misuse of power by the dominant group. When (if ever) they choose to give that up, your solution might work.

I would be tempted to employ sarcastic mode and re-assure people that any business I ran would make reasonable adjustments for the challenges NT people face, such as allowing them 5 minute chit chat breaks every hour and having a designated social area, and special copies of the company procedures with random steps removed so they can read between the lines.....

Acceptance of non-British races is a more political choice than a support of its struggling citizens
Besides, truth be told, foreign people can have some strong folks among them which can be more economically useful.
That is the hard truth even I don't like