My brain is a mess...

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I usually compare what goes on in my mind with this image: I am reading a newspaper, while I hear a music playing on the radio and watch TV. Somehow I am able to pay some attention to everything around me.

My brain is a mess... I am trying to calm down and relax but my brain activity is high and anything I think, hear, see, leads me to think on the subject and its variants. It causes me insomnia, which is dangerous because I will have social life and work in the following day.

Is there any chance for me to have any control over it?

My brain is a mess
My brain is messy
Messi
Messi is a soccer player
He runs and scores a goal
(Is he autistic? There are people saying he is)
Messi plays for Barcelona
Barcelona is a soccer club, but also a city name, located in Catalonia which is part of Spain
Which tournaments is Barcelona soccer team contesting at this moment?
How many people live in Barcelona?
(There was a terrorist attack there some months ago when a car was stolen and used to run over people)
(Are there Islamic State members there? It's a terrorist group)
(Islamic State lost almost all territory they gained between Syria and Iraq)
How many people live in Catalonia?
Which languages are spoken in Catalonia?
Are there jobs for IT professionals there?
Which regions form Spain?
I remember some of its history such as being invaded by islamic tribes... Let me take a look at it
There are communities with different languages at Spain
There are separatist movements at Spain
Catalonia made headlines when its president tried to separate the territory
Catalan independence was supported by only a few countries, no one else took it seriously
... and the list goes on...

That's associative thinking. Instead of being hard on yourself, maybe try to be proud that you can think in a conceptually intuitive way that most people lack the skill to do. Writing helps me with the insomnia part.

If that was your heart, I'd call for a defibrilator. The mental equivalent is doing as much as possible to avoid over-stimulation. Things I avoid are processed food, gaming, "exciting" music, and Facebook. I use warmer lights closer to bedtime, and wind down with some paper reading before sleep; nothing too new and exciting. That still leaves a bubbling residue, because modern life requires meditation as well as sleep to restore balance. Don't get frustrated if you only average a few seconds of meditation between distractions, just put your mind back on the focus point the way you'd put a puppy back on it's paper in a friendly manner.

I agree with you. But, on the other hand, this associative thinking leads me to spend a massive amount of time outside the real world. Even my body reacts to all these stimuli coming from my brain and I begin pointing at something in the air, humming, whispering... My face moves, I begin smiling and laughing but there's nothing around me except a handful of people staring at me and wondering what goes on with this guy. It leads to rejection and isolation which I do not care about anymore - it's always to no avail.

Sure I should be proud somehow, and in my daily tasks, it leads me to creative solutions that no one else realized before. But then I come home and I realize I will sleep alone again.

Just let me ask about it again... Is it a common trace? Is my thinking (as I related above) normal? If not, why?

Last edited by franklin.jr on 01 May 2018, 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks, good hints.

Also, does my report have anything to do with Asperger/ASD? If so, to which extent?

I'm the same way. Too much going on in my head, no way for it to come out right and I know I over exaggerate my face and gestures. Your thinking is normal for someone with autism, adhd, or dyslexia. NT people overuse their prefrontal cortex and only think cognitively. ND people think more intuitively. Whether or not your thinking is normal or not is based on what perspective you are looking through. I think NT people are missing out on half of life, but then, yes, I come home alone.

Franklin Jr.

I do the same thing! It sometimes keeps me up at night too!

Denis Istomin is a tennis player.
He was born in Russia, in the town of Orenburg, near Kazakhstan.
Kaz. is in Central Asia.
Denis moved to another Central Asian "stan" country-Uzbekistan
The capital of Uzbekistan is Tashkent.
Denis was in a terrible car accident in Tashkent...

His mom's name is Klaudiya, a Russian version of a German name
Is there German ancestry in the Istomin family?

This is actually a pleasant associative thinking line. Sometimes, my thinking is more anxious:

Will I ever be independent?
Will I ever marry?
Will I ever really catch up and achieve full adulthood?

Franklin,

I don't think your brain is "a mess," just very active. I enjoyed reading your list because Spain is one of my special interest countries. As I said, I do the same thing. I try to keep my thoughts positive to avoid becoming anxious over other things.

My brain also works a lot like that, especially when I'm trying to get to sleep or feeling left out of a conversation. A lot of the time I'm going through a routine of rehearsing conversations that I need to have, or would like to have but don't feel that I can. I also do a lot of imaginary "mansplaining" - monologuing to nobody about why my latest code is written the way that it is, or explaining something that I've learned from a special interest to some kind of imaginary listener. I think some of it is explained by not having real people in my life that I can have these "conversations" with - I don't have "imaginary friends" as such, but I think it's probably a similar kind of thing.

Many people organize their thoughts as they describe their day over dinner. Even without an audience, testing of clear explanations is a very useful process. Before an important conversation, I may rehearse what I'd like to say dozens of times. What gets said depends on what the other person says, but my prepared lines clarify the issues even if I don't get to quote them closely.

Learning to meditate could help you with the spate of associations, but you have to actually perform it, not merely know HOW.

I have trouble sticking to lifestyle changes such as "meditate daily."

I do understand that a bedtime routine gets your body and mood on the path to sleep. I have had big battles with insomnia over the years. At times I called in sick to work because I had not slept at all the night before; I was honest about my reason for not coming in, and fortunately my bosses always tolerated it.

In fact it's not that bad. But I need a good, fast and reliable web browser so I can open many tabs and read everything I want to read because my brain demands it... Also, my devices (tablets, computers, mobile phones, etc) must be fast, have lots of memory and internal space for everything I want to store. Another good thing is that I created an entire new world in my mind to entertain my younger brother with products, technologies, stories, characters, etc., so we have lots of fun. When I need to put some sense of humor in my conversations, it's great.

But when I go to bed, it's always so complicated to deal with all connections my brain keeps doing. My brain keeps asking me, what is this, what is that, take a look at x, y, z. This is why I am worried about my health, all these demands affects my sleep and sometimes I change night (awake) and day (sleepy) because I keep browsing until late night.

My brain keeps playing random songs and hearing a soccer game at TV while I write to you. And if I take a break to think about anything, I know it's a matter of seconds for me to create an enormous tree with lots of branches in my mind.

I try to give it a good use. For example I keep making interesting (sometimes groundbreaking) discoveries in my family tree, I find interesting solutions and write softwares that people still use after years with no changes... But I am dismissed from jobs, I lose relationships, friends avoid me, some months later. Not to mention how many times I was bullied, chased... My stories are complicated. I am not sure if this bigger picture makes any sense to you.

I will start a new job next week, and fingers crossed, I hope my new colleagues will take me as I am and respect me - because it oftenly does not happen.

My physicist is very supportive and gave me good medicine which has been helpful. I'm also lucky my psychologist learned to be patient with me, now she deals better with me and my reactions. But I've been avoiding her a bit lately, and it's not her fault - I just don't want to annoy her with my repetitions and lack of understanding of simple daily things. Poor girl.

Just one deep breath counts as meditation. Sometimes, only having time for one can make it do the work of a hundred in formal meditation. Sneaking in a bit of calm awareness can be done many times a day. Whenever boredom threatens, just go inside instead of on to the next update.

Have you ever been evaluated for ADD? Attention deficit disorder? It's not uncommon to be co-morbid with autism. The medication they give for that (stimulants) can often improve concentration a great deal. It's worth pursuing, if you haven't already.

that's the internet for you! will fill your brain with lots of associations and nonsense ><

try some meditation? or yoga?

I sometimes do meditation (used to do it more regularly and my mental health was MUCH better!! !)

i like to meditate listening to brainwaves or white noise. it cleans my brain and i hear all the "wiring" noise again once it's emptier and my forehead feels less obstructed and heavy (i suspect from improved circulation)

these days, I'm too impatient but I still go and meditate in the sauna nearly everyday. keeps me sane.


hope it helps!! !