Is it difficult for autistic people to live with roommates?

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don't mind living with roommates 15%  15%  [ 5 ]
can't stand roommates but neighbors are ok 45%  45%  [ 15 ]
can't stand living in an apartment, but a fence between your yard and someone else's is good enough 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
want space between homes 39%  39%  [ 13 ]
Total votes : 33

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12 May 2018, 11:29 am

I could never live with roommates. The constant company and noise would drive me crazy for sure. I don't even like living in an apartment all by myself. I'd rather live in a home without neighbors. Even this isn't good enough for me. I want to live in a home where the other homes aren't too close, not just a fence between my yard and the yard of the house next door. I want some distance between houses.


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SplendidSnail
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12 May 2018, 4:19 pm

I lived with roommates for about 3 years and had no issues with it. I actually, in many ways, find it much easier to deal with roommates than visiting people or having visitors, mainly because I'm generally not obligated to be social with them.

When visiting people or having visitors, your attention is generally expected to be on the other people around you. With roommates, it's perfectly acceptable to do your own thing. If I want to shut myself in my room, I can. If I want to do something by myself but with my door open, I can do that.

Granted, we never tried to do things like share food as roommates - my food was my food. Also, everyone had their own room. I didn't have to actually share a room for any extended period, just a house or dorm. I think having my own bedroom made a big difference.


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12 May 2018, 8:06 pm

I have never tried living with a room mate. I was always afraid to.


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13 May 2018, 2:31 am

I think living with a roommate is difficult for everyone, NT or autistic, if the personalities don't match enough.

When I was a kid I lived in a family of six (five after my half sister moved out when I was about seven) and we sure had our issues... but if we had them more than normal families or not, that I do not know. At the time the closest neighbour lived (and still does) about... 500 meters away? Something like that, so we had space.

At 18 and half, I moved in to live with a relative so that I could practice adult life but wouldn't be completely on my own. We had our own bedrooms (in a rented apartment, third floor which was also the top floor), shared the rent, internet-, water- and electricy bill together equally as well as bought our own food, so I suppose we counted as roommates... it was a disaster. We were, and still are, just too different. I think I could've done better if the roommate had been someone else, but living together fit in to our life situations back then, so... This lasted about a year and half before she informed me that she wanted to move in together with her man, so I had to find a new place since I wouldn't have been able to pay the rent on my own. But well, it's probably good that it ended when it did before we completely drove each other crazy.



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13 May 2018, 6:12 am

I could never have dealt with having room mates. Oh gad no.

I'd like, but don't have, a lot of space between homes. I would like the physical isolation of the countryside (read; a fortress with moat! Hey no one said it had to be likely) along with the conveniences of city living and the anonymity of the city in one go!


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13 May 2018, 10:52 am

Some of them were loud. Music and talking. They talked about me too. :roll:

Some of them stayed up late. :cry:

Some of them were decent.



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13 May 2018, 5:10 pm

My nearest neighbors are a mile away. My home is not accessible or visible from public roads. If I could get a moat, I would use it. :D


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13 May 2018, 10:10 pm

Overall, my life was better when I had roommates. I used to have a fear of cabin fever. I'd try it again if someone with a compatible diet was interested.



nick007
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29 May 2018, 7:27 am

I never had a roommate & I think that's a very good thing. I'm a private person with everyone except for women I'm in a romantic realtionship with. I never felt very comfortable with anyone except them including my parents. I live in a townhouse apartment rite now & I wish I didn't have neighbors connected to our place cuz the 1s on one side listen to their TV & stereo very loudly sometimes & smoke pot alot & the smell goes into our place. I wouldn't mind having neighbors otherwise thou. We spend a lot of our time at home anyways & we don't socialize with our neighbors & our neighbors don't care to socialize with us so it's no big deal.


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ladyelaine
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29 May 2018, 10:28 am

I don't ever want to have room mates because I like my own personal space and I have difficulty trusting people. How do I know the person will pay their share of the bills? Do their share of the chores? How I can be sure I won't get taken advantage of?

I live at home with my parents and my sister. Sometimes they annoy me, but I can handle them because we know each other so well and we think a lot alike.



Trogluddite
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29 May 2018, 10:41 am

I have found it very difficult at times when I've shared houses, but it has certainly varied a lot depending on who I've been sharing with. At its worst, I have been known to hole myself up in my room for days or weeks on end, and even to have something to pee into in my room so that I don't even have to say "hi" to anyone on my way to the bathroom. I'm also terrible at keeping up with household chores and personal hygiene, especially when I'm sharing the facilities but trying to avoid people; this has led to many conflicts with housemates.

Sharing with people who like to entertain friends at home a lot has always been the hardest, even if I like all of the people concerned. I just can't abide other people's noise and music, and having to try to be casually social with strangers in my own home. It also adds a lot of extra time to the day when I need to "pass", so I don't get enough time to de-stress, especially when I've had a job at the same time. I found it easier sharing with people who just use home as their "base", but are out at work all day and prefer to socialise out at pubs/clubs; and it really, really helps if the housemates don't get offended or critical by me wanting to spend so much time alone. With the right people, it can even help me, as they can prompt me to keep on track with things that otherwise my EF problems might make me neglect.


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Dear_one
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29 May 2018, 10:51 am

Ladyelaine, nothing in life is sure. I know a woman who was homeless as a teen, because her parents had died on the same airplane, and she couldn't inherit for years. The trustees wouldn't even help her arrange a loan. However, with roommates, clear agreements are usually followed. There are house meetings to straighten out any problems. Often, roommates are found within a circle of friends, but failing that, you can ask for references to weed out the psychopaths.
I chose life in shared houses for years to learn how NT families operate, and may have stacked the odds in my favour by selecting vegetarian homes. That seems to filter out the most disturbed, inconsiderate people.

The guests I met came with introductions and advice, which was far better than making cold calls to meet new people. Usually, I'd continue with what I was doing, but I was free to explore a new friendship.
There is a wide range of formality. Sometimes, people almost subdivide their apartment; others live like family, except through choice, not heredity.

The house parties are a great feature. You get the status of a host even with people who would otherwise wonder what you were doing there. I learned to enjoy dancing, and my musical horizons expanded greatly.



Joe90
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29 May 2018, 11:28 am

It depends. If the roommates were like-minded friends or family members I would be perfectly comfortable. If they were youngsters who love drinking and are selfish and extroverted, then I would not like that because it would feel like it's not my home.


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29 May 2018, 12:05 pm

I've lived with 3 different roommates before. While there were no apparent problems, I do prefer the relative peacefulness of living alone. I'm just not entirely okay with the idea of sharing a space with someone, and some of my creative outlets require the solitude.


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29 May 2018, 12:48 pm

I think it depends on the person and who the roommates are. I would be okay with it if I had my own bedroom and as long as my roommates understood that I like quiet and to be left alone most of the time.


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29 May 2018, 1:15 pm

I wonder. If you mean a literal roommate (someone you share a room with) I wouldn't probably be able to stand it longer than 2 weeks. But a flatmate(someone living in different room)? I don't mind, as long as our schedules don't overlap (I need my home alone time and I hate bathroom fights). I am currently living this way and while there are some issues. Especially weekends are difficult because we are both home. Also morning bathroom fights happen, she listens to music too loud sometimes and yesterday I had to get her to clean the mess she made in kitchen because I couldn't even use sink thanks to that. But generally we coexist just fine. And there are times when we help each other. I can't imagine living on my own - it's good to have someone that deals with the taxes and professional repairs while you are afraid of paperwork and making phone calls. She also benefits from me being there - I feed her cats when she is out, I do small repairs she is unable to do, I let the mailman in and I keep the place relatively tidy (we take turns cleaning but I clean a little bit every day so the place doesn't get cluttered at the end of week... unless she does what she did recently... Who leaves the sink full of dirty dishes and empty cartons and food pieces all over the counter after some cooking?!).