My Parents Don't Think My Social Issues Are An Issue...

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After doing lots of research, I brought up to my parents that I might be autistic because of my sensory issues, communication issues, and social issues. Thankfully, they seem to understand for the most part the sensory issues, and to some extent the communication issues (they believe me when i say that i go nonverbal and have a really difficult time talking about problems that arise, because i have trouble explaining whats wrong in a way they can understand.) However, when i brought up my social issues (I have only three people i can consider to be friends, but i am usually too socially exhausted to talk with them outside of school, I have horrible social anxiety when there is not a familiar person around, do not understand body language, sarcasm and jokes, and think so literally and logically that i have a 'joke graveyard' and 'no common sense,' according to my family. I also have a hard time explaining anything in a way an NT can understand, even though what i say sounds the exact same as what others say.)

My parents think that my social issues are completely normal for my age. I don't think they get the severity of them at all or how severely they affect me everyday, and i don't know how to explain it to them so they get that I'm not just another kid with social anxiety with no social experience. (They're convinced i could 'learn to talk to people' if i would start 'listening to how others talk' because they think I'm constantly in la la land and not paying attention. But I explained to them that I AM listening, and i don't hear anything different. I really don't think I'm going to sudden learn social skills now when i haven't made any progress in 16 years.)

Help? (And thanks in advance.)

This sort of misunderstanding often occurs when there's a person of intelligence involved.

Many people assume that people of intelligence can "get around these things," and use their cognition to become better socially.

Then....there is the "female" presentation of autism often alluded to here on this Site. One of the characteristics is the ability to "mask" autistic symptoms because of an emphasis on socialization when one is very young.

I also sense that they don't want "label" attached to you----for both altruistic and selfish reasons.

Part of the problem is probably that you have grown up around your family for 16 years. It's an environment where you know how to interact more effectively and are more comfortable with it, and where the people around you are very used to your style of interaction. Hence, to them, you don't appear to have any major problems when you are interacting with them, but they rarely get to see how much more difficult it is to interact with strangers, or when you are in a less familiar environment.

I think that this can be one of the hardest parts of autistic social interaction to get across to people - just how dependent it can be on the situation and who you are trying to interact with. Another example is the difficulty that people sometimes have with convincing a doctor of their social difficulties. A GP consultation is a relatively straightforward context; they ask the questions, you have to give only factual answers, it is one-on-one in an environment with few distractions, and (I hope!) you're not having to look out for sarcasm, facetiousness, mental manipulation etc. as you might be in a casual social situation. Again, the social difficulties are not noticed because the context doesn't bring them out anything like as much as, say, trying to socialise at school/college or on a night out.

Medical encounters aren't so straight forward for any atypical population. The assessment process includes subjective unvoiced judgments that are often heavily biased against anything that is not a NT form of presentation, and gender bias, social bias judgments are also factors that are unspoken and invisible forms of the process which can lead to misdiagnosis and dismissive treatment for AS people in medical settings.

One of my special interests is this field and it can be a minefield.
http://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=286363

Doctors also carry the baggage of cultural prejudice, and personal prejudice, whether at a subconscious or conscious level, which is a central factor in what is called the biasing factor of "social diagnosis" in a medical setting. Some practitioners have the ability to critically assess their own bias, most don't nor do they have any wish to.

OP, what do you want here? Do you want to feel understood by your parents? or do you want them to help you get assessed for autism?

Take some of the online tests for autism. If the tests suggest autism, show your results to your parents, and say "I think I should be assessed for this."

I don't have the links for these tests but look around WrongPlanet and you'll find them easily enough.

Some people don't feel a need for a professional diagnosis, and self-diagnose. That's not wrong in itself, but if you want the understanding of others, a professional diagnosis is kind of necessary.

Good luck!

Some of the best self-evaluation tests (In my opinion):

https://www.aspietests.org/raads/
http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
https://www.aspietests.org/

Disclaimer: As always, results should be used as the basis for seeking an official diagnosis (not as a replacement).

Even with the diagnose professionally confirmed you won't always be understood because NT-people will never understand exactly how difficult certain things are and they will indeed sometimes think that you are exaggerating some things or being lazy. Knowing it yourself can still matter a lot though so take some online tests and when you can, try to go get a professional diagnosis because with that you can recieve help you will never be offered otherwise such as cognitive behavioral therapy and other things. And you will certainly feel more understood both by others and yourself. Some people may settle for self-diagnosis but in my opinion it depends entirely on how much your diagnosis affects you in your everyday life as some people with the diagnosis need no help while others do and that help can only be offered with the diagnosis confirmed unless you're alright with just regular therapy.

One way for me to find out before I even got the professional diagnose was to befriend some people with aspergers and tell them about why I think I could have it, they would pretty much right away agree that we do experience the same issues and i'd find understanding and support in them, I met them online as it's not always so easy in real life. I also definietely took online tests and read a lot on the subject in forums, blogs and articles.

Best of luck to you.