Does anyone else how autistic people are treated as burdens

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This article (It's in Danish, but it's what sparked me to create this thread) basically describes how tough it has been for a father to raise his low-functioning autistic son, and just how much of a badass he is for surviving it.

It treats him like he isn't a human being, just an unfortunate accident that was sent by the devil to make their life harder.

This is what a lot of parents do, they tell the media how "tough" is it to raise an autistic child and how "brave and kind" they are for not just abandoning him on the road. It doesn't even try to describe how tough it must be for the autistic person himself.

Granted, raising an autistic child can be difficult. But I feel like they could at least have talked about his hobbies or just any kind of positive quality really.

I feel half-half about this.
I'm autistic and my mum told me that I was difficult to take care of. (Even when I had really good grades at school)
Hearing that made me quite unhappy.

But at the same time, I also find autistic people way more difficult to teach. (I teach piano and illustration to both children and adults)

So, maybe we are objectively more difficult to teach/ take care of.

My parents don't think I was a burden. But no one even knew I was on the spectrum until I was an adult, so I don't matter.

I have read articles where parents of autistic children have been told how hard it must be for them and how brave they are not to basically just literally murder their kid. The parents in those articles are disgusted by such comments and say they love their children are wonderful people.

Of course, some parents are full of bitterness and resentment for having autistic kids, and plenty of controversy about that. But it's *not* all right for me to have bitterness and resentment for having being treated like garbage by NTs. Goooo figure!

There are even parents of non autistic kids who consider being a parent a burdin. All the sacrifices they had to make etc. So when someone like that gets a disabled kid it's that much worse to them.

No they just need to be taught differently. Don't stick to convetion, teach in a way that works for each individual.

One word...Selfish

Some NTs overrate themselves. And at the same time believe their delusional ignorance makes them better people...

Excuse me if I don't agree with them.

It's all ego, and nothing more. It's sure as hell not intelligence. Unless you are fan of darwinism.

Either way, suffice to say...any living critter, be they human or otherwise, should be allowed to enjoy their only existence regardless. Creulty is, and always will be, unnecessary.

And some things are not passed on, including intelligence, even amongst NT's. Two intelligent people can mate and that does not mean they will produce an intelligent off spring. This leads me to question everything from genetics to to darwin.

My mum thought the worst of me and so did my dad. she spoke about me like she had Munchausens Syndrome By Proxy and has fixed negative ideas about autism. I never had 'neuroprivilege' like my brothers and sister one of which has dyslexia and one is allistic and my sister has bipolar disorder so It was easier for me to come to terms with the Asperger syndrome diagnosis. My mum preferred it when she thought I had brain damage because of 'narcissistic supply which a person with a learning disability is vulnerable to be used as or for triangulation Doctors in the 1960s thought I had profound intellectual disability hence my mum clung onto that for supply. Not once she said to me 'I'm proud of you' for any thing taught myself such as my teaching myself chemistry and basic physics during my adolescence. She was always saying to me during the grooming stage I don't know what I am going to do with you. Completely the opposite to what she thought about my dyslexic brother or BP sister. My dad saw me as a punching bag who only needed more discipline. I have gained insight into this and narcissistic parenting. Asperger syndrome in older people just doesn't provide the narcissists ego stroke.

Having read the article, I would be lying if I said I didn't understand his parents. I think it's very easy to judge the family when one isn't the person/s stuck with that responsibility and extra work and effort every single day.

This isn't anything anyone with autism wants to hear, but anyone who thinks that it isn't extremely hard to live with a kid like the boy in the article, can't be very realistic about what it's like. I think it sounds likke the family deal fairly well with him. They care and deal with it, but they also take care of themselves and the needs of the parents and their other son.

TBH I wouldn't have had the patience for it.

This is basically what the article says:

The fence around their house is very high, and the handle is above adult head height, because their son would wander off, and at 16 he still does. The fence was meant to keep him away from the street, the cars, the neighbors and the neighbors' food, but seeing as he's now 16 and taller than his father (1, 95 m), it no longer makes any difference.

Most days of the week he lives at the live-in department of a school for autism, Sofieskolen. It was a hard decision for the family to make, but 6-7 years ago they came to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do for the rest of the family (parents and older brother of now 16 year old David).

"My wife and I had to prioritize our relationship and most of all our oldest son who would otherwise get ignored in the full time work it is to take care of David."

David was a wanted child. His parents had a well functioning family and work life and their oldest son was thriving. The mother had a hard pregnancy with David and for months before and after his birth she couldn't walk (reactive arthritis).

David was an easy baby.

His mother suspected something was wrong, but his father denied it.

From ages 1,5 to 2 years of age, he had a lot of infections and his language development stopped and he started changing, including being aloof and not responding right to contact.

He was assessed and diagnosed with infantile autism. He later got the additional diagnoses OCD and ADHD.

They were in denial at first, but the psychologist, who they call very competent, was very direct and left no doubt.

It was a bog shock for the family, but they immediately started thinking of how they could improve things for him. Among other things they looked into diets that might help him (gluten, lactose), but it didn't help him.

David was showing increasing signs of autism. He was lining things up, making systems, didn't feel physical pain, he wasn't listening when they talked to him, and he started running off, and they had to hold him down when at the hair dressers.

The parents didn't have much conflict when it came to how to treat him, but they had conflicts about there being less time for their oldest son. They had to take precautions all the time, they couldn't go on vacation without taking into account that it had to be a fenced in place, and they couldn't take him pout shopping. He has compulsions about food and couldn't handle being around food, chips and sweets in the grocery stores. If they were going for a walk it was important to pick a road without cars because he would run off and would our right in front of car. Theyn always had to be 3 steps in front, and they still do.

They had a relief home for him one weekend a month so they could focus on themselves and their other son. For years David wasn't sleeping at night and would need their full attention. Due to the father's work (vice director for a Swedish firm) they had thought they would move to Sweden but with David that was put on hold, and the father trapped down his work.

The mother is currently counseling other parents on how important it is that the parents cooperate.

The father also talks about the "forbidden grief" he felt.
"We are reminded that David is disabled every day. Both when we're with him, but also when he's not there. The thoughts are always there. It is very hard.

The parents were told that he would probably stabilize when he was about 5 but that didn't quite happen.

"When he's feeling good, he's functioning better than when he was little. He understands more, he has a limited language, and one can have a good time with him when he's having a good day. But he also has very bad days and periods, and his hyperactivity takes over. Maybe his hyperactivity will be reduced when he's through with puberty, but for now he's getting medicated for it.

When he's hyper, he'll walk around and around [I'm not sure if the father here means that he's walking in circles].
He'll make loud vocal sounds and talks to his hand. He can't relax. And if anyone disturbs his systems, for instance if anyone asks him to wash his hands and it doesn't suit him, he can act out and end up hitting someone.

He knows he isn't supposed to, so he'll say: "Not beat-hit. not beat-hit" - and then he'll suddenly hit. All they can do if he has made up his mind is to make him down sufficiently that it isn't too hard, just a small slap. When he was little the father would take him on his shoulders and go away with him. Now they have to try to avoid the situations where conflicts might happen.

He's sorry for it, he knows it's wrong, but his brain short circuits.

"David ruined Christmas many years in a row. He couldn't stand thinking of what the presents were, he wanted to open them all, and his cousins couldn't understand it at all. Of course, they could not accommodate David intimidating them and taking their presents. So David is no longer celebrating Christmas Eve with us. We celebrate with him, his grandmother his older brother on the 23. December, and only David gets presents and he knows what is in all of them."
And then they celebrate again on the 24. with the entire family, but without David. And that is hard, even though David doesn't know. But they need to make the decisions that are right so they can survive as a family.

It has at times been hard for them to have family and friends understand that sometimes they have to cancel on social arrangements because David is home or they are too exhausted to go. People ask if they can help, but there is little they can do, and it gets strenuous to always have to explain that.
The father wishes people could just accept it and not challenge it or feel rejected.

He also says that it has made him more humble, and that his wife has sacrificed a lot for him and he appreciates that.

"Many parents of autistic children get divorced because it is si hard, but we have managed to make the best of our different areas of competence and support each other. We have also always used humor. We have to make fun of it in order to make it. to keep it out. There are incredibly many comic situations that come about with a child like David, and we've always been good at laughing and having fun. It's one of our ways to deal with the difficluties. And, in fact, David also has humor.

At the end he is asked what his hopes are for David's life.

"I hope he can live a life where he is not in as many conflicts as he is now. And so I hope we can find a good place for him to live, and maybe he may get a job offer at some point. More I do not dare hope for today"

Having my folks tell me that I will be dumped off on one of my brothers after they pass on makes me feel like a burden because you figure if they get atleast 20 more years out of both of their lives, then I will be almost 50, and my brother in question will be almost 70. So you figure a 50 year old semi functional adult is being dumped on another adult in their 70s to "take care of" and "look after" ... My mom even said to me once that his wife will take on the role of becoming my "new mother" which sounds very unusual to me o_O

Green0Star,

That must feel awful. I have worries about myself as well about what will happen to me. I have come a long way, but I think people still have doubts about my ability to make it by myself.

My mom used to often say that I would have to be euthanized after she died cuz I couldn't take care of myself. I think she was sort of joking but it was still pretty hurtful. I'm very dependent partly cuz of other mental & physical disabilities besides autism. I know it was rough fo my parents to raise me & have me living with them as an adult due to there being no other options... But I think my mom could of handled raising me alot better & done alot more to make me feel confident in myself instead of putting me down & making me feel like things were my fault. That would of helped me be a lot more independent. I'm a lot more independent now that I'm living with my girlfriend. She's also on the spectrum & has other mental & physical issues & cant handle living alone either cuz of depression & anxiety.